Updates: “A Very Worried Sister” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing now. Today, we hear from “A Very Worried Sister” whose father had left the family, her mother was diagnosed with advanced cancer, and her sister had stopped speaking to her, stopped eating, and stopped interacting with other people. Keep reading to see how the family is doing now.

I thought I’d reply and let people know about my Mum. It’s good news on that front — her cancer went into remission and she’s been given the all clear. It’s really fantastic news as the cancer was very advanced when it was finally detected. I went back to finish my PhD after a few months and I’m very glad I went home to take care of her.

Things are not much better with my sister; she still doesn’t talk to me. My main issue last time was that she was ignoring me point blank most of the time so I can’t even try to improve things, and that really hasn’t changed. I went home for Christmas but she wouldn’t open gifts with us, or eat with us any of the days I was home. I’m very worried about her, and I’m going to keep being nice to her and letting her know I’m there for her, but I accept that for now she just doesn’t want to talk to me.

I think when I wrote last time my (probably overly aggressive) need to make her talk to me and sort out our issues immediately was brought on by a panic that Mum would die from the cancer, Dad would be already long gone and my sister would never speak to me again, leaving me with no family at all. That really terrified me, along with a whole ton of guilt that my Mum might pass away afraid that we’d never speak to each other.

Anyway, I’m going to hope for the best and stay available for my sister when she wants to be friends again.

Thank you to everyone who commented for your advice. There were a lot of different opinions and it was rather like someone had transcribed all the conflicting voices in my head and laid them all out to read!

I’ll update again if/when we ever sort things out.

Thank you for the update. Wonderful news about your mother! Here’s to continued good health for her, and good luck to you as your finish your PhD.

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If you’re someone I’ve given advice to in the past, I’d love to hear from you, too. Email me at [email protected] with a link to the original post, and let me know whether you followed the advice and how you’re doing now.

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