It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go.
I have had a guy ask me out for the last three years. I never would go, but I recently said yes. He is a little famous and the last two months have been his busiest time — he is literally working day and night, but it will be over soon. He texts me, “Good morning, beautiful,” and, “Hello, sexy” and he sends me tons of smiles morning, day, night. We slept together and he was very passionate. Afterward, though, he seemed stand-offish; when he texts now, he’s not so lovey-dovey.
He still texts morning, day, and night. I finally asked him why the last few days he has been different and he said he was stressed out about work and money. Long story short, I loaned him 5k. He still texts morning, day, and night. But the texts seem short. I know he’s busy using his hands building what he does. Well, not to be rude, but I’m beautiful and successful and he knows that, so what’s going on? — Beautiful and Successful
Well, sounds like it’s going to take more than beauty, success, 5k, and passionate sex for this guy to give you the attention you desire. It might just take a break in his busy schedule, which you say is coming soon, before he can get back to that lovey-dovey texting. Either hold tight or go out with someone who has more time to devote to you.
I recently entered a LDR with my wonderful girlfriend. We have been dating for two months now and we talk every morning and every night. Recently, though, I have been having a hard time keeping a conversation going with her when we talk. It’s gotten so bad that I make up excuses during the day so I can get off the phone. Our conversations at night usually start at about 8 pm and last till she goes to sleep at around 2 or 3 am. Basically what I’m asking is: What should I do? I feel like now our conversation completely depends on something major happening in our lives and us discussing it. — Phoning it In
You phone calls are way, way too long. You have nothing to discuss with each other because you don’t do anything except sit on the phone for six hours every night. Go out and have lives! See friends and go to the movies and cafes and bookstores. And then keep your conversations to an hour or less and discuss the lives you’ve been out living.
My boyfriend of a year, whom I live with, recently hired a girl with whom he had a sexual relationship in the past. Well, actually, he fell in love with her and she ditched him for a guy she is married to now. I do not feel comfortable with him working with her due to the fact that she has cheated on past husbands, so what won’t stop her from doing it again and stealing my boyfriend from me? I know it sounds insecure, but I was married for over 18 years and was cheated on. I cannot let my heart be broken again that way. I have expressed my feelings to my boyfriend and was told that “if dancing with the devil will grow the company, then we shall dance.” — Not Into Dancing with the Devil
I’d MOA for that line alone.
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If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at wendy(AT)dearwendy.com.
OMG LW 1 why would you loan him $5K ??
But he’s a little bit famous!!! That means he must be a catch. And she is beautiful and successful, no need for intellect.
Thank you for saying it so I doidn´t have to 😉
Hahaha. If I could, I would thumbs up this comment.
Fyi, I’m working on getting thumbs up (no thumbs down) by next week. It’s a little tricky getting the thumbs up feature minus the thumbs down feature because they’re usually a packaged deal and separating them takes special coding that I don’t have the know-how to do, but I’m hoping my tech guru can work her magic.
Yay! I miss those pesky little thumbs.
Yes, I want to get my thumbuppance…
Sounds like LW1 and her friend both like the thrill of the chase.
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And man 7 hour phone calls every night? That sounds like my worst nightmare. I agree with Wendy, do something so you have something to talk about a few times a week. Not for 7 hours at a time.
OMG I know right? I remember when I was a teenager I would spend literally all night on the phone with my friends, now it just sounds like a nightmare!
Seriously. I can’t even stand being on the phone for 7 minutes.
I’m with you…I really hate talking on the phone. I don’t get this 7 hours phone call thing.
Even if a friend calls (I have one friend who is the opposite of me… she can’t stand texting and always has to pick up the phone and call) I just ignore the call. Later I’ll text them back and just say I can’t answer my phone at work or something, if they need to talk just text me. That is how much I hate talking on the phone.
I have successfully trained my friends not to call unless it’s an emergency…or they have to text and warn me they are calling and why or I won’t pick up
Oh my god, me too. It’s painful.
mine too! i hate talking on the phone, unless i’m driving across the country, then i welcome the distraction!
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side story: an old friend and i became reacquainted on FB and then things proceeded to texts and phone calls, and that’s when I couldn’t keep up. He’d call every night around 6:30 or 7 pm and want to just hang out on the phone – gawd it was so annoying; how can people keep that up every day – doesn’t it get in the way of stuff like hanging out with friends, eating, working out, taking walks, watching TV, cleaning, doing laundry, etc. etc.? I’d find myself chit-chatting for 20 minutes or so but then wanting to get off so i could go do stuff.
At first I thought the LW was out of things to say after five minutes, and I was like “aww, at the beginning of my LDR we would be on skype for a full hour before running out of things to say!” But wow, 7 hours ? Of course you’re running out of things to say ! What the… Isn’t your hand tired of holding the phone at some point ?
LW1: So, in sum, you’ve loaned some guy you’re not really even dating $5K and now he is ignoring you and you are obsessing over his texts. The texts (or lack thereof) are the least of your problems. Get your $5K back (what even?) and MOA to someone you’re, um, more compatible with. Or something.
LW2: WWS. I don’t even understand the logistics of staying on the phone from 8pm to 3 am! Doesn’t your cell phone battery die? Or are you using a land line? And, if so, what if you have to pee?
LW3: I don’t even know what that last line means, but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t mean “Baby, I’d never cheat on you! Don’t worry, this woman and I have a strictly professional relationship.” So, yeah. MOA.
This cracked me up all day.
These shortcuts never fail to astound me. Do these LW’s read them back to themselves after writing and think, “yep, this is normal.”?!?!? Jeez Louise.
LW1, give me $5,000 and I’ll send you lots of lovey texts.
I want to like this! Where are the thumbs??
Sssshhhh dont even mention them! Although upthumbs would be nice 🙂
I’m also available I know AP works a lot. We can share responsibilities!
I will subcontract the work to you – she’ll pay me $5,000 and then I’ll give you $2,000. That’s how the world works.
hey i’ll take $2000 for part time texting!
I was thinking that same thing. I mean, send me $10,000 and I’ll send dirty texts too! Jeez.
to think what we’d do for $15,000! 🙂
I am here as a subcontractor too, Addie Pray!
You are welcome.
“I know he’s busy using his hands building what he does.”
Whaa now I have to know what exactly he does! He’s a little famous and uses his hand to build stuff… for some reason those two things do not seem to gel together… WTF could this be??!!! I need theories, I am perplexed!!
Porn?
Thumbs up!
Yeah not to mention that he has money problems.
It´s just so weird. LW please tell us! Or give us a hint!
I promise to stop teasing you about the beautiful and successful thing!
Maybe he’s on one of those home renovation shows and builds things??
ooooohhh LW are you dating Ty Pennington?? He’s kinda famous and works with his hands… not sure why he’d have to borrow money from you though?!
Maybe it’s not a Hollywood celeb, maybe someone famous for something else? Seriously I’m stumped and I MUST KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He’s not on tv right now though, right? Maybe he’s in between big jobs and needs some extra cash 😉
Maybe a famous artist or sculptor?
Yeah I thought of that, but can you even name a famous sculptor?? I can’t. 🙁
That’s why he’s just a “little famous”. So well known in artsy circles but that’s about it.
All 3 of these people sound exhausting.
LW 1 – get over yourself
LW 2 – really? 7 hours a day on the phone? Stop doing that
LW 3 – don’t date someone that you don’t trust
LW2 – there is absolutely no reason to spend 6-7 hours a night on the phone. Period.
My ex-husband and I did a long-distance thing for a while. Him in NJ taking care of his dying grandfather and me in Alaska (home) with the three kids. We would video chat every night, but after an hour – it got real boring. The time difference alone meant I had to cook while talking to him on the phone (since at that time we only had a desktop computer), then video chat with him while I was giving the kids a bath and trying to wrestle them into pjs. This after a an 11 hour day out of the house. He’d complain I didn’t call early enough (I was driving in the middle of winter! Hell no), that I didn’t spend enough time chatting with him (2-3 hours a night sometimes, and he’d be dozing during the conversation), etc.
Honey – go out and live a little and you’ll have more reason to talk. My 3rd son is visiting his dad in NJ (yeah, he moved back home) and I talk with him nearly everyday (there are some days we are just too busy). Guess how much time we spend on the phone? 15 minutes. Long enough to catch up on each other’s day, give each other news if warranted, and say goodnight. Some nights are 5 minutes because he’s in the middle of a tv show.
LWers like LW1 are my FAVORITE.
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“He is a little famous…”
” Long story short, I loaned him 5k.”
“Well, not to be rude, but I’m beautiful and successful and he knows that.”
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Haha. What are you even talking about?! Because he’s famous he’s somewhat worthy of being with you, the successful beauty? He should text you more because you’re beautiful and successful? Because you loaned him 5K? What goes on in your head?! Don’t answer that. I don’t want to know.
I think it’s because he ‘pursued’ her for three years – she feels he should up the level of devotion…. But maybe he already got what he was after as far as he is concerned.
LW1) I had no idea that beauty and success entitled one to endlessly epic texts. But that does explain what all texts to me are so tediously long that they must all be broken up by Verizon and so they thus arrive in volleys of three and four…
LW2) Yikes! I get bored just thinking about your epic conversations. Go find somebody else that maybe, I dunno, actually HAS a life. Look, when somebody makes their whole world revolve around you it gets old. Unless — of course — it’s Bradley Cooper — trust m…..m……m…..m….me. (Whoops. Sorry, I am on my iphone and just got yet another three text plaintive missive from dear old Brad. Sigh… He’s still so dreamy… Swoon! Oh, hold up. Whoops! Wait. Hang on! I now just have to do yet another wire transfer of five grande. Be right back…
Five stars. Two thumbs up. 100% Rotten tomatoes rating. Perfect 10.
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Had you worked in dancing with the devil, I would have scored you an 11.
Okay, I’m back. Whew… Thank the maker for online banking!
LW3) Eh, I think you are being paranoid and insecure. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve slept with/worked with that I have zero interest in ever sleeping with again — and I don’t even have a husband. 😉
LW1: His texts are so short so they can squeeze by your gigantic ego.
LW2: WWS
LW3: What does that even mean? I need a translation, please. (And WWS.)
LW1- Well if you are so beautiful and successful, finding someone who devotes all of his time to you will be easy.
LW2- Get a life. It brings so much more for you to talk about. WHO SITS ON THE PHONE FOR 7 HOURS?
LW3- No. Leave now.
My husband discovered the most amazing summer drink! Banana rum mixed with pineapple juice, squeeze in fresh limes and top with fresh mint leaves.Everyone’s going nuts over it! LW#2–maybe it’ll help you get through those 7 hour phone calls!
That sounds delicious. Does this summer drink have a name?
LW1 should get with LW2’s girlfriend. LW1 will get all the attention she wants, and LW2 doesn’t have to spend every moment on Skype. Problem solved.
For me, a telephone call that long would include:
One full meal – cooking, eating and doing the dishes.
One snack.
One load of laundry.
Two trips to the bathroom to pee.
One trip to the bathroom to poop.
One trip to the mailbox to check the mail.
One trip to the grocery store.
An hour of reading DW.
And at least two hours of dozing off.
All the while perfecting my reflexive ability to say “mmm hmm” whenever there was a pause on the other end of the telephone line.