The Biggest Red Flags We Ignored

Most of the letters I receive from people asking for advice feature so many red flags I’m surprised the LWs can see anything else, let alone miss the red flags entirely. Of course, most likely, they aren’t so much missing them as they are ignoring them. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Years ago, I ignored the prominent red flag in the form of a new boyfriend who couldn’t stop bad-mouthing his most recent ex-girlfriend. Any kind of seeming obsession over an ex is a bad sign, even (especially, really) when the obsession is from a negative perspective. I ignored that red flag for months, even when the boyfriend called me by…

“Should I Go to My Ex In-Law’s Wedding if I Wasn’t Invited?”

I am currently going through a divorce, and my soon to be ex-brother-in-law is getting married for the second time. He has invited my children, both teenagers, to the wedding, but has not included me. The invitation was addressed to them only. Their father cannot take them for me, due to being incarcerated. My question is: Do I take them, even though the invitation was not addressed to me also? Since I was excluded, should I even think about letting them go without me, or even at all? — Not Invited to BIL’s Wedding

“How Do You Know When You’re Ready To Have Kids?”

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the whole kid thing lately, and I just feel really uncertain about it all. A big part of me is starting to think maybe I might be kind of ready to think about having a baby, but I’m just so unsure about the whole thing. I KNOW I want kids. I know I want a family, but then, when I think about it, I feel like it’s not the right time. However, then I wonder, is it ever the right time? So, some of my reservations are practical things, like how expensive daycare is, and if my job will let me only work four…

Afternoon Quickies: “Is it Rude to Get Married The Same Month as My Brother?”

Two quickies in one today! I met my now-fiancé a year ago. He came from South Africa to work on a six-month program where I live. Within months we knew we wanted to marry each other. He was able to get his visa extended for another six months, but he had to go work in another state, which left us in a long-distance relationship for seven months. That was painful and hard, but we did it. He is now back in my town until this November, and then he will have to go back to South Africa because of the visa laws here. So we want to get married before November so…

“I Hate Keeping In Touch with My Family”

What do you do when family wants to keep in touch but you have no interest in pursing a relationship with them? Is there a way to stay true to yourself without hurting their feelings? A few months ago, my brother-in-law (my sister’s husband) was deployed as a soldier for a humanitarian mission abroad. He has asked me to write to him, but I still haven’t emailed, sent a care package, or tried to contact him in any way. I feel incredibly guilty about my indifference towards him, since it feels as if I’m failing both a family member and a member of our military. However, we’ve never been close, and, when…

“My Husband’s Friend Drunkenly Hit on Me”

Last Friday my husband and I and a group of his friends went for a weekend getaway. We were all having a good time and, as the night went on, people kept dropping out of the group, finally leaving just me, my husband, and one other male friend. We had all been drinking heavily that day and were staying at the same hotel. We ordered some food and went back to our (my husband’s and my) hotel room to eat. My husband ended up passing out as soon as he finished eating his food. I continued eating and talking to his friend. Within minutes of my husband passing out, his friend started…

“My Husband’s Kids Want Nothing to Do With Me”

I remarried two years ago after a messy divorce. My new husband is really good to me: loving, calm, decent and all I wanted. We do have a problem though. When he goes to any party hosted by his children (he has four grown children), he can’t take me because the ex-wife is there and the kids are afraid she’ll throw a tantrum. Recently, his daughter came here to issue some invitations for a birthday party, and all the invitations she left had the names of husbands and wives in the family except for ours, which only had my husband’s name on it. It’s now eighteen years since my husband separated from…

Morning Quickie: “How Can I Convince My Husband We Need to Move?”

My husband and I will be married thirty years this fall. We are currently in our third house. Fifteen years ago we moved to Florida because we both “retired” due to health issues. We’re both legally blind and could no longer work at our respective jobs. But he hated the humidity and my mother was ill, so we moved back up North. Now my husband has been dealing with medical issues — one after another since we moved back. The house we live in is two-story and he is currently in a wheelchair for another eight months with three months down. I want to move to a one-floor home with less maintenance,…

End of content

End of content