To ease us into the work week this Monday morning, here are two-quickies-in-one:
This isn’t really about how long you’ve been together; it’s about communicating with each other about your feelings and what’s important to you. Quit being passive. If you want your boyfriend to be present to celebrate on your actual birthday and not a couple days early or late, tell him that and tell him why it’s important. (Is it a milestone birthday? Is there something special you want to do with him? Do you not have anyone else to spend the actual day with? Are you feeling insecure in the relationship and you think it says something about his feelings toward you if he’s away on your birthday?) And then give him a chance to express why it’s important to him to be at his uncle’s party. (Is it a family reunion? Is it a chance for him to see people he doesn’t get to see often? Is it a yearly tradition for him?) By being open and honest and, most of all, respectful of each other’s feelings, you have a much better chance of reaching a compromise here that supports each of your needs.
For your sake, I hope he’s not your last love. I hope you have the opportunity to experience the rush of falling in love with someone whose mere presence gives you butterflies in the pit of your stomach (and that can only happen when the other person is, actually, present). I hope you know the warmth and comfort of trusting someone implicitly because, on top of chemistry, you have built a foundation of shared experiences and have come to know and maybe even love the people who are important in each other’s lives. I hope you come to know the warmth and comfort of a significant other’s regular and loving touch — something that cannot be experienced over the phone or Skype calls or texts. I hope you come to enjoy the moments of looking someone in the eye and knowing, or at least feeling very deeply, that he loves you. And I hope the obvious lack of trust you have in your “boyfriend,” who, despite whatever connection you think you have, is at most a long-distance pal, inspires you to let him loose and make yourself available to someone who can show you what you’ve been missing.
If you have a relationship/dating question I can help answer, you can send me your letters at firstname.lastname@example.org.