I am utterly pissed that I am being wrongly accused of cheating. But I’m also heartbroken that my boyfriend has chosen to leave me for this without giving me the time of day to even have a conversation. He is also convinced I have tried to get with two of the girls in our friend group. Both of them are in committed relationships and both of them have drunkenly kissed me. My boyfriend never expressed that these things bothered him. But now that he believes I kissed Colin, he is saying I have spent our entire relationship trying to get with other people.
At this point I am so angry I don’t even know if I want to try to save our relationship. I think it’s a lost cause anyway, but I don’t want it ending on false accusations. So, my biggest concern is: How do I get him to realize I did not cheat? My boyfriend has been cheated on by just about every one of his exes, so there is a lot of residual trauma. I have also been cheated on and would never want my boyfriend to feel that pain because of me. I just want him to know the truth, whether we stay together or not. — Falsely Accused
What if you re-frame the reason for your breakup? Instead of thinking that it ended over false accusations, what if it ended over your boyfriend not trusting and respecting you? What if his lack of commitment to you is the reason for your breakup? What if the long distance and his immature, disrespectful friend group contributed to your breakup? I mean, I don’t know how many friends are in this friend group, but at least four of them sound a little sketchy – the two women who drunkenly kissed you without your consent and, despite all of you being in committed relationships, the guy who creepily gave you a shoulder rub (I’m guessing without your consent, but maybe I’m wrong?), and the guy who lied about you kissing shoulder rub guy.
I have another theory. I looked up when EDC was last year and it happened in May, but Kyle supposedly didn’t tell your boyfriend the false accusation of your kissing Colin until a few days ago. Why would he suddenly share this with your boyfriend ten months later? I wonder if he told your boyfriend a long time ago, but your boyfriend didn’t believe him (maybe because Colin denied it as well), and he’s only now pretending he just heard the false accusation because he wants an excuse to break up with you without feeling like the bad guy. This way, he gets to play victim again. And, as you allude, he’s the victim in every relationship he’s been in, apparently. It’s a role that’s probably more comfortable to him than being the bad boyfriend who dumps the long-distance girlfriend who was planning to move to be with him this year.
Who knows whether my theory is true, but it could be, right? Right now, you need perspective, and this is probably a truer perspective than your being dumped over false accusations made ten months later. Another thing that is true: None of this really matters in the long run. There isn’t an exact reason for your breakup. There are a series of reasons — just like there are with most breakups – with some of the reasons ringing more true for you and some more true for your boyfriend, and the real truth lying somewhere on a spectrum in between. The bottom line is that this relationship seems to be over, and maybe that’s for the best. A guy who could just divest you from his life without “giving you the time of day to even have a conversation” probably wasn’t going to be great long-term material for you anyway. Could you imagine if you actually made the long-distance move to be with him and then learned how little regard he had for you and your relationship after the fact? He just saved you a lot of trouble and trauma!
I’m sure like any breakup, you’ll need some time to process it and to feel sad and then to eventually move on. But you will move on. And I hope once you have a little distance and a fresh perspective, you can see this relationship for what it was… and what it wasn’t. Take whatever lessons there are here to glean, the first of which might be: If what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, then what doesn’t happen in Vegas sometimes leads to breakups.