Reply To: “I’m Jealous of His Daughters”

It’s very normal for people to do things with their family and friends without partners present, although it would be odd to never invite partners. It sounds like you’re sometimes included, at least with the one daughter.

In your position, I’d be happy to sit most of these visits out and get to do my own thing. Why do you feel like you have to be included every time? Are you someone who gets bad FOMO? Do you not have any friends or hobbies of your own, and rely on your partner to fulfil all your social and emotional needs?

Your line about feeling disrespected tells me you’re someone who takes things too personally. This isn’t about you. Your partner’s father-daughter relationships are important and deserve to be nurtured. Trying to control how and when he sees his daughters is very likely going to drive a wedge between you. Are you trying to control him in other ways? Do you feel upset when he sees his friends or other family without you? The urge to control stems from fear. What are you afraid of happening if he sees his daughters without you?

If you’re never included, ask your partner if he knows why, and indicate that you’d like to be. Take some initiative to get closer to his daughters – plan events, invite them over. Don’t sit around waiting for them to take the lead. (Were you were involved with their father prior to the end of his relationship with their mother? That might understandable explain why they haven’t welcomed you warmly.)

If you are included sometimes, and it’s just that you want to be included all the time, you should explore these feelings in therapy. Wanting your partner to tell his daughters that he won’t see them without you is a real red flag that something is really wrong with your thinking.