36 and Forever Single
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PS, I had to re-activate my old profile in order to sign in, and the in-box is full of messages from 2012 that are actually pretty encouraging. I got a lot of compliments on my well-written profile, references to things I’d mentioned in it, questions about things in it, and comments about my smile. Very little rude or gross or “hey sexy” type stuff, although maybe I deleted it at the time. This was all after Wendy overhauled it.
I do notice all my pics are smiling, most showing teeth. None of them are even “touched up” either, because that wasn’t really a thing back then, but standards are higher now I think. The smile and looking natural I think made me seem approachable, and the text made me sound smart and down to earth. I am not a beauty, fwiw, just “cute.”
I thought that might happen. I’ve copied and pasted what I posted.
My self-summary
I’m a person who sees opportunity in my surroundings. I’m an aspiring writer so just about anything is food for my imagination. I like to make people laugh and I’m that co-worker who sends out a meme a day, sometimes just towing the line to see my boss shake her head.
I’m a voracious learner who just googles things because I genuinely want to know more about them. I’m an avid gamer who gets engrossed in the story…and getting to chat with my nephew who lives out of state is a huge plus.
I’m looking for someone who is as goal oriented and sarcastic (in a good way) as I am. Someone I can carry on a conversation with.
And can open jars.
What I’m doing with my life
I’m working full-time while going to school for Interactive Media. I’m hoping to become a writer.
I’m really good at
I love to cook and I’m constantly on the search for new recipes. I’m an avid gamer and I’d like to think I’m pretty good.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I’ll read just about anything. I don’t have a favorite genre.
I was asked recently about three movies I would want if I was on a desert island. I said Deadpool, Goodfellas, and The Women.
I love rock and metal. Those are my two favorite genres. But if I like it, I’ll listen to it.
Mac and cheese has been my favorite food but I think it’s about to be supplanted by carnitas tacos.
Six things I could never do without
1. Coffee.
2. My glasses.
3. Coffee.
4. Phone/laptop.
5. Books.
6. Coffee.
I spend a lot of time thinking aboutI have an idea for a book that I want to write. I’ve just been gathering ideas at this point but I think I have a good premise. I often wonder what would happen if it were to be completed and published.
On a typical Friday night I am
If I’m not out with friends, I’m relaxing at home. I might be playing a few games with my nephew. If I’m not doing that, then I’m writing something.
You should message me if
If you want to chat. I like meeting new people. Who knows? You just might inspire a story or two.
Please take all this as suggestions on how you are marketing yourself and not an insult to you, but that needs some work.
“I’m a person who sees opportunity in my surroundings. I’m an aspiring writer so just about anything is food for my imagination.”
If you met someone in a bar and they walked up to you and this was the first words out of their mouth would you this, wouldn’t you find it kind of offputting?
Don’t describe yourself as sarcastic.
“I’m looking for someone who is as goal oriented and sarcastic (in a good way) as I am. Someone I can carry on a conversation with.”
I would take this out-it sends the signal to men, that you’re doing to be scrutinizing their ambition and that you think that most people aren’t worth talking to. Obviously, you want those things, but articulating it this way makes you come across as pretentious and unfriendly.
Try some things that are more banal. What kinds of things would you be doing with your potential boyfriend. Going to movies, sports? How would their life be better with you in it? What would you bring to the table for them? Paint a picture of that.
That’s not bad, actually. Can you get Wendy your username and/or screenshot the pics you used? Wendy@dearwendy.com.
My two cents: Too many mentions of wanting to be a writer / writing. One would be enough. There are also 2 references to “avid gamer.” References to sarcasm don’t read well in a dating profile. I know what you mean, but still, I’d drop that. Overall, I do get the impression of a kinda funny geek, which will certainly have its audience, but I think there’s more you could say to make yourself sound like a warm, fun, active person (let’s have one sports reference!) who can bring some good qualities to the relationship table. I think you could beef up your “What you’re looking for in a partner” too. Being able to carry on a conversation with you sounds a little challenging and intimidating, and being able to open jars is just brute strength. You want to convey more about what you want in a partner, what you’d like to do together. I think there’s opportunity to show more personality in your “things I can’t do without” section too.
I am just going to say (in response to Kate) that if she’s not into any kind of sports or outdoor activity at all, don’t lie about that (if she is, great, go for it).
You could not pay me to participate in any kind of sport or outdoor activity. Seriously, I hate any kind of athletics and I hate being outdoors. If I were to mention something about how I enjoy jogging from time to time in my profile, or any kind of sports reference at all, I feel like that’d just be inviting a guy who’s into that to try and talk to me about active stuff, and then he’d be turned off after I admit that I actually spend 99% of my day sitting, and then this would be the classic case of disappearing after a few messages.
Like Fyodor said, market yourself well, but my two cents is, don’t lie.
She said she’s a sports fan, sheesh!
“Heatherly, ironically I’m a huge sports fan. I have been since I was little. I used to go out to watch games on the weekend but it sucks going by myself. Most of my friends aren’t into sports.”
You really think I’d recommend someone lie in their dating profile?
This was just a start since I created the profile on the fly. But I do welcome the feedback.
The opening essay was hard to write. I don’t know how my best friend would describe me, other than a nice person who is funny. She’s known me since the fifth grade and that’s probably all she could come up with. So I went with whatever came out. I was trying to funny with the whole jar thing but I guess that didn’t work too well. 🙂
I try not to give out too much info, since even meeting a potential friend I tend to go overboard with the information about myself. I know this is because I’ve always craved any human interaction and was desperate to even make a friend. So it can be hard for me to tow that line.
I did forward my profile to Wendy so she can see it in its entirety. I really hope she can provide me with some hope.
Something like “I’m a big college football fan and I’ve love to have someone to sit and watch games with” would be good. Some guy reading it would be like “I too, enjoy football and would like to watch it with someone.”
Seriously, it’s not bad. Mine SUCKED when I first wrote it. This isn’t meant to be critical, just to be objective strangers picking up on stuff that Joe K Cupid might see in your profile.
Ok, I didn’t know she was a sports fan. If that’s the case, then great!
I wasn’t implying that you were recommending she lie.
I just see so much blanket advice out there (not necessarily here, but everywhere) to include at least one photo of yourself doing some sort of outdoor activity. That seems to be the big thing!
Which was always so annoying because that’s not me, there are no photos in existence of me doing any kind of outdoor anything cuz that’s never going to happen. And on top of all the other advice out there about photos, it make me feel even shittier.
I don’t do sports either. I don’t feel shitty about it. My “active” picture was me in a dance club. Yours could be a travel picture or whatever you do for fun.
Looking at my inbox though, one guy asked me if I go to Gold’s Gym, and nothing else. Which I did at the time. I don’t think I replied to that one.
