Am I a bad person for mooching off of my mom?

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  • September 30, 2022 at 6:50 pm #1116282

    I’m 28, soon to be 29, and live with my mom. I have a job, but hardly get any hours. It’s really bad. I’ll work like 5 hours a week. It was 10-15, but we lost a contract with a bank I used to clean. We are in the process of getting a contract with dmv then ill be back at 10-15. I know I should be working full time, but working full time makes me depressed. Heck, I feel depressed working part time. I know its pathetic.

    So right now I’m making a little over 100 a month. My brother pays me 400 a month because we bought a house back in 2017. We couldn’t live together so I moved out and sold him my half and he’s paying me back. He owes me around 700. I just have to ask for it but im afraid. My mom mostly deals with my Finances. She has an app on her phone so the knows when money is drawn from my credit card. She gets pissed when i buy things I don’t need and that happens a lot. Not so much lately because I don’t have much money left. I’m pretty sure she’s paying my phone bill because I don’t think I’ve had enough money to cover that.

    Since I’m home so much my mom will leave me a list of things to do. I do them 90% of the time but lately I’ve been feeling particularly lazy. She gets upset, but I get away with it so I just don’t do it. Anyways, I’m pretty sure I’m a pretty bad person for mooching off of my mom so much, and being so lazy.

    September 30, 2022 at 7:18 pm #1116283

    You sound depressed. It could be situational though. Which means if you could move out, get a proper job,etc.,etc. you would likely feel better about yourself. I don’t think you are a ‘bad person” but you are not living your best life. You may be “lazy” though or for some reason unmotivated. Your mom is not helping…she should expect more of you or ask you to move out.
    See/ talk to a Dr.and a therapist could be a good idea too.
    If you are a cleaner, why can’t you pick up more clients on the side or start your own business. You need to figure out why you are stuck and take steps,any steps to get going in a better direction.

    October 1, 2022 at 5:56 am #1116289

    You’re not a bad person, but the way you’re living your life isn’t great. Working 5-15 hours a week (and from your other post it sounds like you’re looking for an excuse to quit) is ok in high school, but not at almost 30. You should be looking after your mental health and working toward being self-sufficient. That doesn’t mean you can’t live with your mom, but you should be able to pay your own bills, contribute to her household monetarily, and do all the housework she asks you to. What health insurance are you on? Call the phone number on the card and make an appointment for a mental health assessment.

    Work should keep you occupied and distracted, not make you depressed. I think it’s the other way around, you’re suffering from depression and that makes you unmotivated to work.

    October 1, 2022 at 10:34 am #1116298

    I know this is kind of harsh, maybe but…most people don’t get a choice if they want to work 5 hours a week at your age. They simply must to survive and they do. Even if they hate their jobs. It’s sad, but it’s also true. You’re lucky to have your mother helping you, but I do think you should try harder and do more. She leaves you a list of chores- you are living in her home, please complete the list. Even if it’s depressing, although I think you are depressed and that affecting how you feel about the things you do and the value you have in the world.

    A way to do better would actually be to find a full time job for the benefits, get a good doctor perhaps if you’re interested in antidepressants (I happen to think they are AWESOME) and potentially therapy. Having a job will help you feel a sense of worth while being able to afford therapy to get to the root of your depression/self worth that I can tell needs some help.

    I’m not sure where you are, but where I am there is no shortage of jobs. There may be something out there that’s slightly less depressing, maybe even with other people who are funny or nice to work with. You’ll never know unless you take steps to change what you are doing.

    October 1, 2022 at 10:51 am #1116299

    I do think ascribing your worth- am I a bad person? – is the wrong way to thin’ about this. You’re depressed and maybe have been a little lazy, but you could get help and be more productive. You are the only person in your life who is going to make you do anything. If you want to be depressed and work five hours, and feel bad about it, you can. Or you can take a little step everyday to do more and better for yourself and also for your mother. Imagine the relief she’d feel if you were a little more responsible for yourself. Good luck.

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    October 2, 2022 at 1:25 pm #1116318

    How long has this been going on? Is it newer or has this been the status quo for years? Were you working more or in a different capacity when you had the ability to buy a house?

    I agree that you sound depressed, but I can’t tell if it’s work you dislike that’s making you depressed or depression that’s making you unmotivated to work. I agree that you should be taking steps to take control of your mental and emotional health, like scheduling an appt with a therapist.

    Is there any work you can see yourself doing that wouldn’t make you feel depressed? If so, you may find it empowering to take steps toward reaching that goal. Because yeah, most people work because they have to. People work despite their depression and/or other personal life battles every single day. Your mom, for instance, works despite the stress of having to support her nearly 30-year-old child who doesn’t contribute even by completing basic chores.

    I fell into a little depression hole when I was in my mid-20s. I’d just graduated from school but the economy was still down and it took me over six months to find gainful employment. I lived at home at the time but never would have described myself as mooching or lazy. But my life slowly but surely improved when I got a job that felt like a stepping stone toward a career I was excited about, though the job itself was not glamorous. I felt hopeful because it felt like things were falling into place. I felt pride being able to buy groceries for the family, save some money, start paying down my student loan debt. I started eating better, moving more, and my “depression weight” slid right off. Taking small steps in the direction we want to go can have pretty big payoff in how we feel about ourselves.

    Good luck.

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Am I a bad person for mooching off of my mom?

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