DW Community Catch-up Thread
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****Anytime a women uses the word ” fine” I get worried.
I am sorry something still seems a bit off. Breakdowns, not getting it up etc. I thought this thread was about ” awesome dates”?
BTW ladies he has not seen her in a bit and not getting it up a second time after a few hours is a red flag. They only had ice cream not a couple of bottles. The equipment may malfunction at times, but it can be jump started.
Here is the male point of view, if I have a woman over and she has a melt down during the weekend/ 24 hours etc. (only after a handful of visits) I am looking for an escape hatch. I will be nice but I am looking for the exit.
Also, he said you were “dating”, he did not say he was not dating others. You should check on that. That may have been used as a ” safe” word.
I think you are farther into this “relationship” than he is. Do you even have the same goals on the table, I don’t think so. Figure a way out to keep your confidence and be happy. And that may not be with him.
My goal right now is just to go out with several guys and see what clicks and where I can get traction rather than zero in on one guy anytime soon. I’ve also reached out to several friends who share my faith who have invited me to their churches and offered to introduce me to their friends…I’m trying to do a little vetting rather than being surprised after a month when the guy stops taking his meds and wigs out. Heh.
Both of these seem like great dating strategies to me. I hope you meet some interesting guys soon! Have you read “Is he Mr. Right?”? I’m sorry to keep bugging everyone about that book but it basically gives you a plan to follow for every stage of dating. It’s totally no-nonsense and on point.
@TheLadyE I say go with your instinct. If you don’t want to go out with him again, don’t. You should be focusing on building a better relationship with yourself, which means trusting yourself. Don’t doubt what your gut is telling you. I’m guessing that you’re probably a lot like me in that there’s nothing at all wrong with your instinct, you just tend to ignore it when you get excited about a guy (and your instinct is telling you is he not right for you). Hopefully if you really learn to trust yourself, you’ll start walking away from red flags even if you ARE otherwise into a guy.
My FWB came over last night, but he just gave me a back massage and foot massage while we watched Seinfeld. Kind of boring, but we wanted to see each other before his busy weekend.
Other than that, I’m trying to study. Once I’m done with PMP, maybe I’ll look into going on dates again.
So I decided to re-open my Tinder account as I have given up on Kinky guy from OKC. I ended up finding a lovely dude! 3 years older, super fit and smoking hot 😉 We have a fair bit in common, and seem to get along through messaging and the chemistry there fits very well. I have expressed my excitement to see him, and he has as well. So I am hoping for a winner! We have a coffee “date” tomorrow afternoon at a place nearby, so fingers crossed!
@ktfran and @veritek33, my guy has trouble keeping it up or sometimes getting it up in the first place. It’s been happening since we first started dating, and it’s happened in his past relationships – it’s been an issue for him always. So you never know when a guy is dealing with something like that. And for him it has no bearing on the way he feels towards me.
Totally agree K. The first time or two, I was thinking “what’s going on, is something wrong with me?” However, we’ve been dating long enough for me to know that it has no bearing on how he feels about me.
I would draw a distinction between having a little trouble with the equipment sometimes (separate issue) and declining interest in even having sex.
To me the latter is concerning after a couple of dates… Real hot and heavy the first couple times, then not initiating at all the next couple of times… especially when a couple sees each other once a month and not on a daily basis. Sure, a guy might be tired or stressed or something, I understand that. But to go from feast to famine so quickly is problematic.
I totally agree with Jimmyjam’s take re. Tinder Teacher. First of all, I was once dating a 35+ year-old long distance and it’s true that men past 35 have trouble getting up more than man under 35, but if you haven’t seen in each other in weeks, you haven’t had a ton of alcohol and you only had sex once over the weekend and it was hours earlier, and he didn’t seem super frustrated (because he really wanted to have sex and his dick wasn’t cooperating), then, yeah, something might be off. That doesn’t mean he isn’t attracted to you. But it may mean he’s evaluating his feelings for you and your relationship.
I don’t know, this is my take, but it seems you gut super comfortable with him really fast. I completely understand the appeal of cozy, low-key dates, but when you’re long distance and you’ve *just* started dating and you’ve seen each other a handful of times, it does seem … odd that you’d go to dinner and then go home and watch TV. Where’s the excitement? Why are you having to initiate sex with him? when you haven’t seen each other in a few weeks? When I was long distance, that’s like the first thing we’d do upon seeing each other. and then if we stayed in, it was because that’s what we were doing not because we were watching TV. Girl, that’s what old, married couples with a couple of young kids do (and I should know).
Also, the meltdown thing: I think that a guy who was super into you, wouldn’t freak out about that and would instead, maybe feel flattered or be sort of into having a position of comforting you and feeling needed by you. But a guy who might be on the fence or have a slow-simmer of feelings or having second thoughts about early strong feelings could very well be turned off by all that TMI. That’s not to say you should hold back, emotionally — although, yeah, there’s something to be said for keeping an air of mystery — but realize that that is another version of coming on strong. And depending on the status of your relationship and the status of a guy’s feelings for you, that could… well, be a boner killer.
