It’s just this latest date where they’ve been watching TV, though, right? I remember the other weekends as very exciting and fun-filled, but maybe that’s me.

Ver, I agree with Wendy that you shouldn’t have to ask for sex and/or initiate in such an obvious way. If the chemistry is there, you just jump each other in the beginning stages, usually:).

From the whole description – not just the erectile dysfunction, that could be many things – I do agree something doesn’t seem completely right. I think it’s mostly the fact that he does act and/or reassure you when you ask him things, but doesn’t seem to be initiating many things on his own. Like: more visits, initiating a conversation about exclusivity or dating, sex, etc. Like he’s enthusiastic…but not THAT enthusiastic.

And you know, that’s perfectly fine, and maybe he’s just on a slower track than you. However, when YOU *are* very enthusiastic, that, combined with your desire to be in a relationship, can lead to a power imbalance. Doesn’t have to mean he treats you badly – just that you feel vulnerable and/or overdemanding (‘at his mercy’ so to speak) when you’re with him. And you don’t want to go there – trust me:) – just for your own sanity. So if you know that is your weak spot, then maybe back off a little?

I hope you’re feeling better, emotionally. What you described about your mother seems incredibly tough. You have a lot on your plate. I hope you have some good friends you can cry to and be unreasonable with. And yeah, maybe not ideal that you did it with him, instead, but I think if he really likes you he’s not going to run. Wishing you all the best Ver. *hugs*

I thought he did reach out Monday night and you felt fine?

To me, that text comes off… Manipulative. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but it puts it all on him and you’re asking him either to reassure you that everything is great, or really hurt you by ending things. That’s not fair. What if he didn’t want to do either? What if he wanted a little time to think? I think that’s the message he was sending you with “I don’t know what to say.” You were trying to force his hand but he didn’t let you. Again, I don’t think that was a fair thing to do to him right then.

But yeah, to Lianne’s point, you didn’t get the positive response. You have him option A and option B .Option C is YOU move on.

I don’t think what you did was necessarily *stupid*, but honestly, don’t say stuff you don’t mean.

I think that part of what is happening with you is that you are continuing the cycle of bad behaviors that you’ve learned from your mother. My mom is very passive aggressive, and eventually I had to realize that I had adopted some of her behaviors which negatively affected my relationships.

The text message you sent, while I’m sure you didn’t intend for it to be that way, was passive aggressive. You basically said- I totally understand if you want to dump me because I’m crazy. The reason why he said he didn’t know how to respond is because there are only two acceptable responses to a statement like that
A) To placate you and make you feel better about an overreaction on your part, forcing him to apologize to/comfort you. Or-
B) To take it as a passive hint that you don’t want to date him anymore, and the onus is now on him to end the relationship.

Both of those put all the effort on him to facilitate the action of the relationship. I think it might time to go on a serious dating hiatus and really start leaning into therapy and analyzing your own behaviors.

Reading your comments and Lianne’s thoughts it really comes across as you feeling like you have to get the power to make decisions in your relationships from the other person. If you are unhappy with where things are take back that control and decide to end things. I hope your therapist can help you navigate all of this. But, from the outside it doesn’t necessarily seem like something that can be dealt with while dating…Good luck and I hope you are in a better place soon.