DW Community Catch-up Thread
- This topic has 11,820 replies, 97 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 1 week ago by
.
-
Posts
-
I bought a vacuum the other day! I’ve only used it twice, but still. I have concrete floors so I didn’t think I needed one, but it’s actually helped a lot.
Lol, @Kate, your avatar is awesome.
And lol @Kare, awesome dates are pretty boring to read about when you put it like that, although I still like reading about them…I actually (embarrassingly) look forward to Monday comments to see how everyone’s dates were on the weekend.
Anytime I comment on any thread about how awesome my husband and my kid is, I sort of feel a little like a schmuck.
Anonymousse I would love to hear about your husband and kids. Thread is open to all types of awesome relationships 🙂
I like hearing the comments about how people went through some of the same things as us and found the right person. I mean I’m an old maid by my hometown’s standards, and I’m not even in my late 20s. It’s nice to hear stories about people actually dating instead of the people I know that haven’t had much life experience. Plus way better than the looks of pity when I run into an acquaintance while visiting my parents. People are shocked I don’t have kids yet. It’s always “are you married yet?” Nope. “well do you at least have kids?”…
It’s crazy, but at 32… I feel at some points ancient with my toddler and almost second born (3 1/2 weeks to go!) and also like I did it WAY too early. On one hand, it would’ve been nice to have kids at a younger age because going without sleep would be easier (ha!) but the emotional maturity and stamina and ability to be selfless to take care of a little…I think it comes with age. (I can only speak for myself.) I’m selfish and really, really miss my previous life as a single woman, even with the absolutely awesome husband and kid. And for real, I do not know how all these LWs with horrible, horrible partners do it. I would not be able to take care of my kid and myself half as well as I do without my husband. I mean, I’m sure we’d be okay, but FFS, they really do have it rough. I really emphathize with any single parent, or parent who has an asshat for a partner. I cannot imagine how tough that is.
And yes, I too, had trainwreck after trainwreck of crazy bad relationships. I took a break from dating without meaning to (I had the occasional one night of fun mixed in.) And seriously, my husband started as my FWB. It just grew from there, and it literally began as filthy, dirty, awesome sex only. When people ask how we met, I think we both blush.
Gosh really? I got married at 33 and I was bang on average for my crowd. A couple of outliers got married super early at 22 but the rest are all getting there now (I’m the old hag in my crew). My husband was 28, if he wasn’t my bloke I’d have been telling him to wait a few more years!
Funny thing is we all sort of hit the rash of marriages because we all changed mentally. I had a great talk with my girls about it one night and we decided it all boiled down to us turning off our ‘give a shit.’ As we all got older we stopped worrying so much about what the minutiae of dating meant and we just did whatever the hell we wanted. If we wanted to call the guy we did, if we wanted to text we did, if we wanted to be emotional we did, if we weren’t sure what was going on we asked outright, if we wanted to have sex we did and if we didn’t we didn’t and the guy could get on board or he could go away. It sounds simple but with the pervasive idea that dating is this huge game or you present the ‘ideal you’ until the other person is ensnared it was hugely powerful. I had no issues with telling my husband exactly what I expected a few weeks in (marriage but no babies) and he took it in stride. I mean, if he got scared and ran so what? He mustn’t have wanted what I did so it was better my time wasn’t wasted.
Holy shit, @ange. That’s the best dating advice. You just shut down half a dozen websites. That’s basically where I was at, too. I just did not give a f$&#, and gave up all “rules.”
Strangely, I never wanted kids. I never really had thought about it, other than, “there’s no way I’ll ever be mature enough, I can barely take care of myself…” Ha, ha. I thought my husband didn’t either, as he is much older than me (I thought he would’ve already had them, maybe, or be vocal about wanting them.) Now I’ve got almost two. What in the fuck.It was mainly my idea. And I do love kids. He was no pressure about it either way.
It’s been funny though, when meeting old friends of his or one of our old bosses (yep, met at work!) they say things like, “and you said you thought you’d never have kids or a family! Look at you now!” It’s pretty sweet. I had no idea he wanted either. We are stupidly in love and so happy. I wish that for all my fellow DWers.Awwww that’s sweet. Obviously you like kids so it was a matter of just getting to that emotionally ready point. I just never felt that desire, ever since I can remember. At 35 now the clock should probably be ticking but instead it keeps banging on about how my knees hurt.
It’s funny to have been in both camps. The I-definitely-cannot-see-myself-ever-having kids, to full on parenting.
I’m all about people’s freedom of choice.
I used to hate it when people said things like, “Oh, you will want them one day.” “You’ll change your mind.” “You just haven’t met the right person yet.”Or even now, “See, I always knew you’d be a mom.” It’s like a nice version of “I told you so.”
I’m trying to do exactly what you said @Ange. I’m just not into rules and analyzing every single detail is so exhausting. I know a girl that a year in is still pretending to be the perfect girlfriend. Her close friends said they don’t like hanging out with her around her boyfriend because she’s a totally different person. Who has the energy for that? Plus if a guy doesn’t like my personality, I want to know sooner rather than later.
I want one kid one day, maybe. But I really don’t think it’s anyone’s business. When people ask me now if I wish I was pregnant, I say,”well no seeing as I’m not sure who the father would be,”. Then I get a raised eyebrow, and I just shrug. Ask a personal question, you’ll get a personal answer. But seriously, why do people get asking me (knowing that I am single) when I’m having a baby? What fresh hell is this? I admire single parents because it seems like a ton of work, but it seems really weird to imply someone should be a single mom instead of a childless single under the age of 30.
