Just wanted to chime in and say I love this thread to, and @Veritek I really admire you for taking care of yourself and working on things. I think that’s very brave and takes a lot of fortitude.

And also you inspired me – I had a long day but I worked out tonight and did 3 miles of walking/jogging/aerobics. I used to work out 4-5 days/week but I’ve been slacking lately, so I really want to get back into it. I got a leg cramp in my sleep the other night which means my muscles aren’t being worked hard enough. It feels good!

I haven’t heard much from the Analyst I went out with on Monday night, and I’m actually relieved. Seems like it’s just time for me to focus on me for awhile and that’s good. 🙂

Thank you all again for the support on this thread – it’s meant a lot to me the last few months, for sure!

I will chime in to agree that this thread is awesome, everyone is so supportive, and there’s such a positive vibe- I enjoy reading everyone’s stories too! (Kumbaya, anyone? :P)

So, last week I had a beer with a guy from eharmony, which was very nice and enjoyable, but I didn’t really get more than a “friend” vibe (that, or he’s socially awkward). I actually deleted his number and thought that was that. Well, Friday night he texted me asking if I wanted to go take a tour of *local tourist trap* because he’d never been, and he had mentioned a podcast about it on the date. I thought about it, and decided, why not. So, we’re going this Saturday. I’m not sure if this is actually a date? Because he has not communicated in any way with me other than setting up the date/time/place to meet, and nothing since. (To be fair I haven’t either.) I’m just going to go, and have a nice time, and if he randomly tries to plant one on me, I’ll have my answer.
There is also another guy I’ve been emailing/texting for the last couple of weeks- he lives in the same city from me, maybe a half mile away. But we still haven’t met. He seems very sweet and down to earth, so perhaps at some point we may actually meet up.

Honestly though? I feel so ambivalent about men right now. I really just do not feel excited about dating anyone. It may be that the matches I’m seeing online are just starting to blur together. Maybe online just isn’t the best venue for me to meet people. I realized today that if I stopped and took a break, I’d feel relieved! It feels like a chore. I *know* what it’s like to have chemistry with someone and to feel excited about going on a date. And I’m just not feeling it! And besides, I have a lot on my mind right now, all related to myself and my goals- I’m paying off my debt (student loans + cc) in large chunks once and for all; I’m working out 4x a week; I am trying to not screw up at my job; I’m planning to take all of my professional licensing exams next year (6 of them!). I have a crappy commute to/from work, and I try to make time for my friends, *and* for myself to recharge. I have my routine! Plus, there are 2 rather dashing dudes at my gym who I notice check me out, which I’m enjoying. And I get so fed up sometimes with the area I live in that I consider escaping (Toronto is sounding nice this week…) So yeah, I know this is a novel but I feel like I need a break. I want to continue to “say yes” to things and “put myself out there” (TM) but until I change my mind again, I’m gonna focus on my own stuff.

@veritek: You are one of the most valuable contributors to the forums. I sincerely hope you don’t stop posting, even though I’d completely understand if you did. And yeah, let’s not forget this is the general chat section, so no advice unless it’s requested.

I’m with @laurel… I think there are a lot of myths surrounding what you need to do to become ready for a relationship. Sometimes it goes as far as being some type of redemption and salvation story that kind of reminds me of religion (“I dated all wrong, then I became a kind of monk and found myself, then I found my relationship salvation!”). Of course, once one is in good relationship it’s tempting to believe that it’s due to all the personal development that happened before – and maybe it is partially, but luck always plays a role, too. Unfortunately, there are just no guarantees in life.

I’m one of those people who did not go on a dating break ever, I basically dated without any breaks from age 21 onwards. Also, my current relationship started in an incredibly messy way that everyone here would have disapproved of, including myself. We’re still together and very happy a few years later. I learned a lot during this relationship and made massive improvements in how I deal with things. But I had it easy, because I was able to take these steps while being loved by an amazing guy. I say it was pure luck that I met my guy and that we got through the messy early stages. Later on of course I contributed to a good development of the relationship because I realized this was it for me and that I needed to become more well-adjusted stat to make it work.

I’ve also seen a few friends settle down with (IMO) not-so-great guys just because they were ready to settle down and had a certain age in mind by which they needed to be married or in a longterm relationship at least. This is not the solution either. My friends who stayed single into their late thirties look a lot happier than the settlers. I also know some people who already divorced and are starting over. This can work out fine, but it’s still harder than staying single longer and (hopefully) marrying later because you’re adding so much emotional baggage to your life by going through a divorce.

Also worth mentioning: There’s still a powerful myth that a good woman will manage to get married, that it’s a type of accomplishment. That’s simply not the case and not being in a relationship is not a failure, no matter what society tells you. It can be really hard to resist the ‘old cat lady’ narrative, but please do not let it get to you.

Good morning

Looks like the group is building

I never said stop posting, I said, and meant stop writing, meaning till you have some awesome dates.

I did not gloat at all, trust me I can gloat, that’s great you went with a bottle. But that’s not what killed the evening. That had something to do with the breakdown. You have been on a handful of dates with TT and two of them had breakdowns. I feel for him as he is the one not going on awesome dates. Isn’t that what the thread is titled, you named it, dating is a two way street. You are not dating, you are looking for a caretaker.

I never said stop posting, see post above. With that hopefully cleared up now.

While I see your view of how a male voice and view can change the temperature of the room quickly you must understand how a male feels when he stumbles upon the site and reads some of these views and opinions. It is an open door to a room I am walking by and and I hear what is going on. And some of it is skewed, you have agreed to that.

As a male I can take a different view and something can be learned on both ends. In this case the learning and process is stalled.Sorry even you know it is true. Read the whole thread , the same repeated actions from “relationship ” to ” relationship “. You want to break the cycle of relationships etc than something needs to change. The change is not happening, some have pointed that out while others have rallied to support the same actions failing time and times again. Maybe a stronger tone was needed.

I don’t want anyone to feel bad about themselves or feel picked on, trust me I could take it that way after the last page or two but I know better. If you are going have people grow and learn sometimes the voice coming into the room is what is needed, even if a bit different than those around it. You can throw the voice out, but then doing that you only limit your growth, on multiple avenues.