DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I think I’m with you ktfran on the hyperbole. I’ve been accused of being a drama queen on here and yeah, I’ll take it. I don’t think I’m nearly as dramatic in real life, just that my creative writing degree takes hold sometimes and MUST WRITE THIS SO THEY UNDERSTAND and it get’s out of hand.
I know personally my ‘meltdowns” included crying quietly on Tinder Teacher’s shoulder the first time because I was just all of a sudden overwhelmed with house stuff and my birthday and really not wanting to go home and deal with it, etc. And the second meltdown was just more crying while packing my bag to leave because he made me feel like he wasn’t into it anymore and sort of kicking me out and my mom had been on my ass harassing me for the last few days so I cried. And I cried more while packing my shit into my car and cried while he was hugging me and telling me it was all gonna work out, because deep down inside I knew he was done and I was never gonna see him again. And that was disappointing and I felt like I had screwed it up and I was taking on the blame. So yeah, no screaming or crying hysterics, just leaky face and sadness.
Should it have happened in front of him? No. But it did. And I can’t take it back now so I can only learn from it.
The internet is a very easy place to misunderstand things. I do truly think JimmyJam, that you are trying to offer advice from a male perspective, and sometimes we (me) take it as an attack, and that’s something we (I) will work on. Perhaps your delivery is just a bit sharper than some of us are used to. But that’s you, and that’s okay.
We’re all just learning and some of us (me) take things more personally that we (I) should. Working on that.
I’ve noticed this sort of cycle happening on this and other threads –
– Someone brings up something, perhaps being somewhat hyperbolic, usually a minor problem, sometimes already resolved and sometimes not.
– A few people chime in with their opinions
– OP says “Thanks, maybe that’s something to think about”
– More people chime in with their opinions
– OP starts getting their hackles up a little like “Yep, I get it guys. Thanks”
– People continue chiming in with their opinions, possibly because they missed the first few exchanges, possibly because they just feel like it’s an important point to make, whatever
– At this point, OP starts to get kind of defensive, because it wasn’t even a big deal to begin with and even though no one person is meaning to attack, it can start to feel like that when there’s a bunch of them. Like a room full of people pointing at you and saying “No,seriously though, listen to us.” but the defensiveness just prompts a ‘Thou doth protest too much’ sort of response.
– It somehow spirals into a minor but pages-long argument.I don’t have a proposed solution in mind, but it’s definitely something I’ve noticed happening before.
Lol. Totally @Stone. Also, we go hog wild making assumptions with very little details to go on, project all our past problems onto the situation, and assume the person who may be making a common dating or life realization has all the wisdom and hindsight we have, when they are just starting out.
FWIW, I am so prone to use hyperbole and exaggeration in real life. It doesn’t translate well and sometimes every word written here is taken way too literally, even when it wasn’t intentionally written that way.
I’m not saying I’m not guilty of the above or have any solutions, either. I totally do all of those things.
Man, one of my partners refers to me as the hyperbole queen. I tend to use very exaggerated language in day to day life, so I tend to take the things I read here with a little grain of salt.
And I think a lot of the time, everyone here is just trying to provide that hindsight in the form of “Yeah, but remember this happened last time too?” And that’s useful, but the more times you repeat the same advice to someone in a single instance, the less helpful it becomes.
I dunno, maybe we all need to start giving each other the benefit of the doubt? And even if you feel like your point is really important, probably stating it just once and not harping on it (even if they don’t quite seem to be getting it) is a generally good policy.
I try not to harp on people because a) I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing most the time and b) if people are like me, no advice in the world will stop them from what they want to do. I have never once thought “oh man if I do this and post on DW, I’m going to get a lot of flack”. Being single got a lot more fun when I stopped worrying about what other people would do in my situation. The only person I don’t want to disappoint is myself. And possibly my gynecologist…which is why I use multiple forms of birth control.
That will be my new motto anonymousse.
Thanks everyone for your input/help/kind words. Like I said, it’s nice to have a place to vent/share both frustrations and good times. And I hope I can continue to do so.
In other news, I’m going to his parents house on Sunday for dinner. So. Yay!
Let’s move on from this several page meltdown stuff because that was never my intent to devote so much space to this…. in other news, any good dates this weekend?
I’m seeing Physicist on Friday! Though at this point, we’re seeing each other as much as possible (which right now is at least a full 24 hours on the weekends and whatever moments we can squeeze in during the week because he’s busy from morning-late at night with school/work/choir), so that’s nothing new. I called in to work yesterday because my entire body hurt after wiping out on my bike on Tuesday, and he came over and just worked from my place while I read. Really torn on whether to go out or stay in for our weekend date. Both are equally fun.
And other partner is starting to relax about it a little I think. It helps that he’s started seeing someone recently that he’s really excited about.
Love that @stone. And it’s truer than what I said. DGAF about stuff/people that don’t matter. Save the fucks for the important stuff.
He’s the same guy who wrote the “Fuck Yes or No” article that’s been posted around here a few times, which is sometimes harder advice to follow than others, but has still absolutely changed my life.
