@theladye @veritek thank you for your kind thoughts. last night was the first time i have felt like myself for months and it was so nice, like really i just am going to keep doing the things that have been helping and pray that I don’t slide back in to the hole again. it is comforting to know people have felt that. I have talked to a few friends about it, but they just don’t get it because they’ve never been depressed, nor my boyfriend. So, people just think I am being bummed or “sad” for no reason and are like oh have you tried this and this and this, and its just like ughh I know they mean well, but its not really helpful. For some reason, when I am massively depressed the thing that has always been what helps me for at least a bit better is walking, not jogging or other exercise, just like extremely long walks. I mean 2 hours or longer. So trying to work that in to my schedule for the next few weeks.

veritek your weekend sounds awesome! i have been really wanting a tattoo for awhile now but feel like it would look stupid if i just got one ha so i have held off. maybe sometime in the near future i will take the plunge.

i am at my work office putting together a portfolio for my grad application right now and trying to use indesign which i have no idea what i am doing 🙁 hopefully it turns out good and youtube can be helpful.

I started seeing someone at the end of my summer gig. We were friends the entire summer and hooked up at the end of season party. We didn’t discuss it AT ALL and he left a couple days later. I left not too long afterwards. He traveled to the Oregon Coast to do a 7 day hike on the Pacific Crest Trail with some friends from our village this summer. I traveled south to colorado until my van broke down. I stayed with my aunt while it was being fixed. He finally got done with the hike and started heading back to colorado for his winter job. On his way to his town he stopped in the area I was at to see me. Oh man. For being on the road for as long as he has he looked damn good. I just so happened to be applying for jobs in that town so I was dressed up. We ran some errands together and got food. I asked him if he wanted to get a hotel for the night. He said yes.
Some might say well of course he wanted to get laid but not this guy. This guy keeps every women at a very safe distance. I watched him interact with women throughout the summer and he was intentionally dense to any ladies hitting on him. I am pretty sure I was the only person he hooked up with. Which is a shame because he is a really great person.
We got the hotel and we made friends with our neighbors. They were impressed with the mountain bike, kayak, skis and other gear he had piled onto his car. They thought us a very cute couple. I watched him take in those words and I smiled as he was okay with others thinking us a couple.
We each took a six pack into the hot tub and talked about what we had been up to and plans for the winter. He already had housing and a job lined up. Me? I was winging my winter.
He kept his distance until I broke the tension. We both exposed our feelings and fears. We had a great night. He was supposed to leave early the next day but he kept procrastinating his time with me. Finally I had him drop me off at the library. He couldn’t say good bye. There was always something else he needed to talk about. So finally after standing in the entrance of the library for what seemed like forever. I said good bye by getting close, grabbing his shirt collar and kissed him and walked away.
We don’t talk much these days. I know I got too close to his heart where the bruising was still tender. I am lucky to have known someone like him. I like to think that one of these days we will be working the same summer or winter gig and we can pick back up. Though, that is only a fantasy.
I’ve been staying single these days. The summer is just around the corner and I have a feeling that no matter which location I pick I will meet someone that will blow me away. I pray I get the job in Maine but who knows?
Cheers!

Aaaaaand on another note, dating related, just got back from a bouldering “date” with Pilot guy. This is our second date, and it went really well! He was impressed by my beginner bouldering skills, so very flattered coming from someone who is just past beginner compared to me. We talked a lot, then went to Starbucks for drinks and a snack. And talked for another 2 hours. Honestly I enjoyed my time and I do like him, he possesses a lot of qualities, both interests and physically wise, that I like. But there wasn’t any flirting or obvious chemistry. I might ask him what he hopes to come of this, as it’s been two dates and I don’t really know… We didn’t talk while he was away in Winnipeg for a week. So aside from previous conversations before we didn’t build much up to this date. I think once I ask or poke at what he wants and how he feels we can gauge it and maybe get somewhere with the chemistry if he wants to. It seems weird to initiate it that way, but that tends to work for me, once we flush out our, hopefully, mutual interest things go from there.

And then on Tuesday I had my 6th (?) date with Slogan guy, we did a couple hours of pool then went back to his place and put some TV on for background and then had some fun 😉 No sex yet, as I told him it has been barely a month and I am not ready to move to that point in our dating yet. But the chemistry is still really good between us.

@Trixy I really love your outlook on dating. I think that is the way you will actually find someone to be with more long-term, not having it as the ultimate goal.

@Veritek– I am SO sorry about your dad 🙁 that is seriously so terrible and I am so glad he will be okay. I feel so sorry you can’t just catch a fucking break. I don’t have any advice for how to deal with your mom, except to say, maybe just focus on your dad and try to zone her out, to the best of your ability or just agree with whatever she says but don’t have an actual reaction. Like she is picking at you or giving you shit and just go “Okay mom, thanks sounds good” and ignore and refocus on your dad. I am definitely sending lots of good thoughts your way. Hugs!

@ver thoughts to you and your family! I am glad that despite the heart attack, your dad is able to have a fast recovery 🙂

Ahhh I’m behind on this thread:

@Mucha, I went through a similar thing around my birthday last summer. I can’t really remember the summer that well because everything was just kind of a gray haze. And of course trying to explain that feeling and not being understood by friends felt more isolating. I did some stuff around my apartment. For some reason it’s soothing to me when I get my furniture and home decor organized.

@Varitek I saw your instagram post yesterday. I’m glad he’s okay, and I’ll continue to keep you in my thoughts. Even if you aren’t dating, I hope you keep checking in with us here! I know I don’t know any of you guys in real life, but I do think about yall throughout the day. *hugs*

@Trixie I love it! Hopefully this summer you have some romantic story to regale us with 🙂

@Cleopatra I love those!!! Ahhh!!! Must add to my wishlist. Glad your dates are going well! Although I agree 2 dates without flirting or obvious chemistry would be puzzling. I’ve had that situation before, but I wasn’t able to confront the situation and ask.

@Stone I’m so glad things are working out!

I have nothing too exciting here. My FWB and I are doing sushi tonight. We did sort of make a sex tape last week. My coworker keeps texting me every weekend to hang out. He’s been doing some immature things, but I keep calling him out and he adjusts his behavior. (Like texting me “accidentally”).

I also got on Bumble. It’s okay. Not as much activity as Tinder, but I do enjoy less harassment.