I have to agree with Wendy. I was guilty of always choosing the same type of guys – extremely funny, life of the party, cocky. And they always treated me like crap while giving me just enough to keep me thinking they “just weren’t ready to date” so I’d hang on thinking if I was there when they were miraculously ready, I’d be “the one.” Both guys I’m thinking about in particular married the next person they dated after me.

When I finally broke type and went for a guy that was not one I normally have considered going out with, I fell head over heels. Not because he was any of the things I thought I wanted, but because he treated me like he loved me too and didn’t play games and was everything I didn’t know I wanted or needed. And now we’re married with a baby on the way – only took me 33 years to find him!

Break type, ladies. Break your patterns. It can pay off.

Well to be honest, I did (do?) think I was breaking the pattern with this guy in particular. That doesn’t necessarily mean he’s going to be “the one” or anything like that. I typically tend to go for guys who are really funny/witty, charming, cocky as Lianne said. I’ve also been struggling to meet guys who are in the same stage of life as I am (i.e. somewhat settled in their chosen career, financially independent, looking for a committed relationship).

This guy in particular seems slightly shy (or at least a bit reserved). He’s soft spoken, very polite and sweet. He’s the one who asked me up front what I’m looking for in a relationship, and he told me that he hopes to find someone for the long haul. He does have a very demanding career, though. I have a friend in the same line of work, and he told me that it drives him nuts when girls text him all the time because with the hours he works and the work he’s doing, he just doesn’t have the mental energy or the time to respond right away.

So it could be that I’m just being moody for no reason. Nevertheless, I’ll certainly keep in mind what you guys are saying and I’ll try my best to consciously make an effort to give guys a chance that perhaps I wouldn’t normally.

Gotta say, my FWB was not my type – tall (I used to have a strong aversion to tall guys), odd job (managing a talent agency for sideshow acts), republican, older, etc. And he is just an all around great guy. Now we don’t have a long term future, but right now I’m just having fun. However, he is very upfront about his expectations. There’s no mystery at all about what we’re doing, where we are headed, etc. Even before we had those conversations, there was no doubt about being ghosted or anything like that.

Also, I think if you’re at a place where you over analyze every text or text frequency, it might be time for a break. I know I’ve been there before, and I kept choosing guys that were clearly giving signals that they weren’t interested in a relationship because I knew deep down I wasn’t emotionally ready for a relationship. It honestly took me 3 years to feel back to normal after my life kind of exploded at once (first serious relationship ended, sexual assault, brother’s suicide attempt, etc).

I know that’s not really helpful, but the cliche about focusing on yourself is cliche for a reason in my experience.

How was everyone’s Valentine’s day? I went rollerblading for the first time ever. It was so freaking hard. By the end, my FWB just pushed me while I focused on balancing haha. We then went to Whole Foods and the book store.

Plus I had lunch with my parents today and they gave me candy. Being the youngest pays off.

Hope everyone is having a nice night with their significant others/FWBs/vibrators/wine. 🙂

@Veritek yay for bubble baths and homemade crabcakes! That sounds like a fantastic way to spend the day.

@MissDre Did you end up having that second date on Sunday?

@Kare You’d never been rollerblading before? It is really tough the first couple times, but I feel like once you realize how to work your legs, it suddenly gets really easy. But I may be speaking from a place of privilege since I used to go a lot when I was younger.

@Cleopatra That sounds like such a nice weekend! I’m really excited to go see the Deadpool movie. Everything I’ve heard about it has been good.

I had a pretty good valentine’s day. Went to J’s house for brunch and to hang out with him and his other girlfriend for a few hours, which was only a little bit uncomfortable (first time hanging out just the three of us, and while she and I did make peace she still just sort of rubs me the wrong way). We just played some Settlers of Catan, and kept things fairly light. Then I had a really nice bike ride home and Physicist came over, we had spectacular sex, took a super long nap and then watched a bunch of Firefly and ordered takeout. Yesterday we went to brunch and then took a long walk by the creek near my house, and then had a math lesson – oh! Yeah, he’s re-teaching me math. We started last weekend and I was really excited about it, so he ordered me a textbook. Not the direction I expected our relationship to go, but I’m digging it 🙂

@Stonegypsy – No date. Sunday I canceled on him, because I was really sick all weekend with the flu. We had rescheduled for Monday (it was a holiday here) and I was feeling better, but he got called into work to cover for someone else who also had the flu (basically everybody around me is sick).

@Wendy, this guy is also older than my usual age range. So yeah, he’s certainly out of my norm in a lot of ways (although that doesn’t really mean anything).

Anyway, he texted me last night to say he was sorry, but I’ll leave the rescheduling up to him. I’m certainly not going to prompt him. If he reaches out, great. If not, oh well.