DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Wendy said “But there is also a demographic of 30-year-old men who have been married/committed for a few years” – I managed to catch my boyfriend as he was recently out of a 9 year long relationship, and we were both about to turn 30 in a couple of months when we started dating. Before meeting him I had expanded my age range on online sites to be up to 40. It’s what you have to do. My last serious boyfriend was of the man-child type you all are talking about above – never again. His mom shopped for him and always brought him groceries. At the time I was 26 and he was 31. Sad thing is, about a year ago I ran into him and his mom at the grocery store, so apparently it’s still the same 5+ years later. Except at least now he’s accompanying his mom to the store!
Miss Dre,
Have you tried swirlmingle dot com? It’s a new interracial dating site. There’s been a lot of discussion about it in my circle on FB. Whether it’s good, bad, or meh I can’t really tell you but it is geared toward people who want to specifically date inter racially.@Cleopatra I did look briefly on another interracial dating site, but there wasn’t really anyone on there I was interested in. Maybe I’ll check out this other one sometime when I’m ready to try again. Taking a break for now.
I have to be honest, y’all, I’ve gone on some pretty uninspiring dates lately. I’ve tried to date outside my “type” and give guys a chance that don’t necessarily fit what I know I’m looking for (not the same faith, different interests, different personality types, etc) and it’s just been such a bummer. In the past couple of weeks I’ve been out with 2 separate guys who are definitely different than what I normally go for (or, should I say, different from what I know I’m looking for at this point) and it’s been abysmal.
I’ve decided that doing that is stupid and it’s wasting my time. I know what I’m looking for, and while I’ve been guilty in the past of going out with guys where I knew there was no future (Hippie Artist Guy, for example), it was actually in an effort to break out of my comfort zone and experience something different. It just didn’t work at all.
So now I’ve determined I’m only going to go out with guys that have the basic characteristics that I know I’m looking for, like similar faith, similar goals, visions for our lives (inasmuch as I can tell), interests that I know I want to connect with, intelligence and passion, etc. I know what’s really important and I’ve been ignoring that for the past year plus in an effort to “branch out” and it’s really caused me to spin my wheels.
BUT…since I’m visiting LA in April I set my OKCupid there, and I found a 38 year old guy who seems amazing – same faith, older than I am, has a dog, we have extremely similar interests and are also the same MBTI too – and he wrote his OKC profile from his dog’s perspective. SO adorable. Sooo…my dog actually “wrote” his dog a message saying I’m coming to LA and that my dog thinks that he should meet me while I’m there, etc. I have to say it was just about the cutest message OKCupid has ever seen, if I do say so myself.
…he read it that night but it’s been almost 2 days and he hasn’t responded yet. 🙁
So I guess I just feel like…the guys I can get dates with I’m not compatible with because of very basic, very important things, and the guys I *am* compatible with aren’t interested. It’s really frustrating. I thought for sure I’d hear back from this guy.
Sorry, just had to vent a little bit. I feel like it’s a waste of time to go out with guys where I know there’s no future because of incompatibility, but the alternative seems to be that I don’t connect with anyone. 🙁
Maybe he didn’t reply because he realized you don’t actually live in LA and he’s not interested in an inter coastal romance. And if he was just interested in a hookup when you were in town, writing a cutesy email from your dog to his probably signals that that won’t happen.
@Kate, perhaps, but I am actually planning on moving to LA within the next year, which I included in the message. I am definitely going by the story of a friend of mine who met someone online who lives in LA (she lives here in NC) and she’s moving there in March to marry him. So it can happen…I guess maybe I was just hoping for too much because I’m a hopeless romantic.
I have to agree LadyE, maybe he noticed that you don’t live there *yet and didn’t see the point. Or maybe he’s just not interested. I know that when I get a message from a guy and I’m just not interested, I don’t respond. And then when they badger me and ask why I haven’t responded, I tell them “not responding is my polite way of saying I’m not interested.”
Either way, if you found at least one guy you’d be interested in, I’m sure there will be more! Next!
@veritek Oh, I’m definitely not going to badger him after that message. I know if he doesn’t respond he’s not interested. I’m just really discouraged. 🙁
If someone messaged me and they’re not in my city, it’s not really worth it to me. If by the time they move and we were both still single, I’d give it a shot. But I wouldn’t put work into an out of state (or out of city, my state is huge) romance when there are definitely easier options. The idea of corresponding with someone for months, then meeting them, then corresponding for more months until they move just sounds like a lot of investment.
Just my opinion, I wouldn’t set your location to LA until you move there or get closer to moving there.
Yeah… I understand what you’re trying to do, but I have to agree with the others that trying to date out of state is not a very enticing idea for a lot of people. After all, why put in that level of effort when you could just swipe left or right? :/
I do understand your discouragement, @LadyE. I don’t really have any advice. I hope that when you go out to LA, it proves to be promising for both your career and love life! I want to go down and visit LA sometime and check out all of the art museums I haven’t been to yet. And have a cocktail with BGM.
@Kate It’s the flakiest dating market like…in the country? Worse than NYC?
I am just so sick of living in the Bible belt and LA is where I want to be for my future career. I feel like a square peg in a round hole and I’m bored. So…while it’s not set in stone that I’ll move there, I’m going to visit in April to see how I feel.
Also there’s a huge church there that I absolutely love so hopefully that will provide me with community and friends (and maybe some dating prospects) too. I’m definitely visiting there when I go.
Thanks for listening & sympathizing, all. I’m just in a rut here and I can’t WAIT to get out. Hopefully I will like LA when I visit for a week. 🙂
