DW Community Catch-up Thread
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In general I agree with @Kate, I happen to be ridiculously guilty of the pre date google. I downright get up in their business. No, it doesn’t teach me anything about their personality or problems, it’s mostly just pure curiosity for me.
The only case where it might have raised a red flag was my asshat ex, when I looked up his name on the statewide crime listing he had a DUI from several years before. And he turned out to have a drinking problem. But a DUI is not necessarily an indicator of alcoholism, just of a poor decision.
@Kare if you are positive that’s him and you’re creeped out by it, cancel, otherwise I would still give him a chance.
@Kare That’s so cool. But yeah, if that’s not something you’re into, and you are certain it’s him, probably best to just cancel.
Asking for input: My date for Thursday, we exchanged numbers and solidified plans, chatted a little bit. I haven’t talked to him in a couple of days at all. Should I send a “Hey how’s your week?” kind of message, or just keep quiet until we meet in person?
@stonegypsy, I’d say just a quick confirmation the day of. No reason to chat just to chat. You haven’t met him yet, right?
No, haven’t met yet. And I don’t even really like getting into the really dull “Hey, how are you. fine, you, ” etc conversations before meeting, but I also don’t want to give the impression that I’m not interested.
I’m pretty positive he’s the same guy because he has a distinct name and the pictures match. I usually don’t google dates, but this guy sounded familiar to me. I think it could be interesting even if we probabaly aren’t compatible.
Tinder only shows first names, which adds a whole new dimension of fun IMO. If I made it to swapping phone numbers then I would make up a fun famous last name so that I am getting texted by “Ryan Gosling” instead of “Ryan Tinder”. The illusion is shattered when I learn real last names *sigh*.
I wouldn’t text for chatting’s sake at this point either, @stonegypsy. It’s just a couple days away now. I don’t think silence is a sign of non-interest either. You’ve already organized a date so then you can show your interest in person.
No, you don’t see the person’s last name on Tinder. However, you can see if you have mutual friends on Facebook, so it’s fairly easy to search someone after that. I don’t really like Googling people before dates, mostly because I don’t want to slip and mention something I’m not “supposed” to know. I might do a quick search to see if they have some presence online indicating they are a real person.
Yes, hfantods, the potential to “slip” is another reason. I actually did that… On my third or fourth date with my husband he said something and then I made a comment, and then he said, “yeah, did you read that article?” My comment was in reference to something he had said in an interview that was online, and he knew I’d read it. No big deal in that case, but it could be if you slipped on the very first meeting and he knew you’d been googling him before you even met. Just awkward.
A third reason not to do it is it can make you feel too invested in the person too early, assuming you find out intriguing stuff about them. It can trigger obsessiveness if you’re that kind of person.
The internet is a strange place… I have to admit something: There’s a man on my morning train that wears a jacket with a distinctive logo on it and one morning for giggles, I tried to track down the company online.
Well I found out exactly who he was, what companies he had started and where he lived. Down to his address (as he listed it as his business address).
It’s kind of creepy that I know this much about a stranger on a train, you know? Though I’ve forgotten most of it already.
I agree that it could be awkward if you mention something you’re not supposed to know. But considering this guy’s first name + my city brings up that he’s the founder of the event as one of the top results, I doubt it’s much of a secret.
We haven’t chatted since we set a date and time to meet up,so I agree with hfantods that it’s not an indicator of a lack of interest.
@kare, I see a lot of potential positives with this guy, even if he’s not going to be your exact cup of tea. For one thing, if he’s a prominent member of your local kink community, he’s probably very well versed in things like consent, body positivity, and feminism. He’s obviously open-minded. And hey, he’s got great organizational skills! I’d be excited to meet him, even just for the conversation.
@Astronomer those are some great points! I am into some light BDSM, but it’s not typically something I mention on dates. Even if there’s no chemistry, I’m always down for interesting conversations with people.
