DW Community Catch-up Thread
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You’re right, Ange. It probably was snotty. But I’ve been coming on these threads for years, trying to give some sincere, helpful advice and it feels to me like it falls on deaf ears. The same type of scenarios happen again and again – with dating, finances (evidenced by working multiple jobs), and boundaries with parents – and I’m just tired of hearing about it when none of the advice is taken to heart or even considered. The advice is always met with a defensive response and thenreasons why the advice can’t possibly be followed. This has been on repeat for years and I’m just tired of hearing it and own that my comment was snotty. But I’m just not able to restrain my feelings on this any longer. We’ve all got shit – you’re right. But when a person keeps doing the same things over and over again and they don’t get a different outcome, it’s probably time to look at the common denominator and stop making excuses. Today’s catalyst for this tiredness (and my subsequent comments) is probably innocuous to everyone, but this has been building up for a long time and I’m just done trying to be subtle.
And before its even said, yeah I know you didn’t always specifically ASK for advice. But when one sees someone struggling with so much and the answer is so obvious, it’s hard not to weigh in and hope that something sticks.
@Lianne, you’re “subtleness” is so thinly veiled. Most of your comments towards @Veritek drip with annoyance and its very easy to see how you feel. The thing is…if you are so tired of hearing about it, why do you insist on engaging with her posts? Believe it or not, you don’t have to Veritek’s a self-appointed life coach.
You probably have given some very sound advice on here. But everyone is different and life doesn’t always fall “into place” (for lack of a better term) within our preferred timeline. I just went to a wedding this past weekend for one of my husband’s relatives. The bride and the groom are about 50 y/o. The wedding was very emotional because they thought they would never find a partner. They have both had to work through a lot to get where they are.
Anyway, none of us are experts at life. And even when you think you might be right, sometimes its kinder just to say nothing at all, if you have nothing nice to say.
Also, speaking about perspective, and the reason I wrote in, its a little amusing that you seem so agigated over how Veritek lives her life. I am willing to bet that you have a heck of a lot of bigger things to worry about in your own life that some stranger on the internet not following your advice.
As a matter of fact I always wrote and rewrote my responses to make them come across less annoyed. Interesting you felt differently. And why do you care why I keep engaging with her posts? Maybe I felt like banging my head against a wall. All I know is I’m just coming out and saying what I think today rather than keeping it under a “thin veil.”
I’m not saying anything needs to be done on my timeline. This is about acknowledgement rather than defensiveness. Anyway, you’re right. It’s probably better that I say nothing at all. But I didn’t feel like it today. So there you have it.
I don’t think its that interesting that I picked up on your tone. Seems like lots of other people did, despite your best efforts to “write and rewrite your responses.”
And I didn’t write in for your sake- bang away all you like, as I’m sure you’ll continue doing. I wrote in because I’ve been reading this site for years, and I think @Veritek has a good heart. I felt like I wanted to speak up on her behalf, even though she probably doesn’t need me to.
I shit you not I am nursing my son, scratching my dog’s butt with my feet and catching up on Dear Wendy all at the same time. Ok continue. You have my attention.
I might be presumptuous here, but I thought Lianne generally gave advice because she wants to see veritek happy. I think we have all been there in some capacity. You see someone doing things you did a few years ago, and you give them advice because you wish you could grab your past self by the shoulders and shake them. I know many of us post things that are counter productive to having a successful relationship, and a lot of times behavioral patterns are noticed more by an outsider. I don’t think anyone on this forum means to be rude, but I think a lot of people do make valid points that are ignored. Many people have been given advice along the lines of: don’t waste time with a guy that doesn’t want a relationship, don’t focus the majority of your relationship over text, date against type, take a break from dating, etc. I can understand their frustration because I think they really just want us single girls to be happy. Of course, I don’t think any of us necessarily post for advice, but it’s to be expected with a public forum on an advice site.
Which is great, truly, no snark. In this instance though the poor girl was just sharing what she did for her weekend. Time and place.
I think unfortunately that sometimes talking about how busy/exhausted you are can be a trigger topic in women’s communities. I’ve noticed that’s one of several topics that has potential to set people off.
