- This topic has 10,564 replies, 95 voices, and was last updated 1 week, 2 days ago by JD.
August 7, 2015 at 7:27 pm #371130MoneypennyParticipant
Kare, the feedback thing is new- I like to think that he suggested it because he wanted, like, sexy photos or bikini shots or something. (Which I don’t have.) Otherwise, I think it’s a pretty good app.August 8, 2015 at 7:29 am #371154MissDreGuest
Oh my goodness! So this guy that I told you about yesterday, called me twice in the middle of the night. Once at 3AM and again at 5AM. WTF?
I didn’t answer, cuz that’s just rude, and I assumed he was probably looking for a booty call or something (although why the hell he thinks he’d be successful with me, I have no idea).
I really don’t get it. He blew me off twice. He’s the one giving me signals that he’s not interested. I told him that whatever it is we’ve been tryna do isn’t working. That if he actually wants to go out on a date, he can plan it and let me know in advance. I hear nothing back from him after that. Then 2 days later he calls me twice in the middle of the night?
Seriously, wtf. I don’t get these guys. LoLAugust 8, 2015 at 8:07 am #371159KateGuest
He’s not interested in dating you, but he is treating you as an option for possible hookups or hangouts. These aren’t mixed signals, they’re “not that interested” signals. I would just block and delete. Actually calling your phone at 3am and 5am is very rude. Dude, at least text “whatcha doing” earlier in the night if you’re trying to hook up.August 8, 2015 at 8:14 am #371161KateGuest
And seriously, MissDre, you’re a beautiful woman, and why you would waste a minute of your time trying to figure out what this guy wants is the part that’s confusing.August 8, 2015 at 9:44 am #371171MissDParticipant
@Kate I guess I’m just naive. It baffles me that people still behave this way as adults.August 8, 2015 at 9:51 am #371172KateGuest
It baffles you that guys want to hook up but not date?August 8, 2015 at 10:13 am #371174MissDParticipant
No, it baffles me that they can’t be honest about it. If you’re just looking to hook up there’s nothing wrong with that, but what’s the point in lying or playing games?
He’s the one who initially asked me what I’m looking for (i.e. do I want a relationship, marriage, children, etc). So I followed his lead and I said yes I’m looking for those things, and he said that’s what he’s looking for as well.
Did I expect him to be my future husband because he said that? Of course not, but I did expect him to at least treat me with respect. If he’s not feeling it, why lie about it? Why be disrespectful and treat somebody like a side option?
Like I said, clearly I must be naive.August 8, 2015 at 10:27 am #371175KateGuest
Oh yeah, that’s not cool, you’re right.August 8, 2015 at 11:09 am #371179HmCGuest
ermagerd, there is a dating site that lets people leave feedback on WHY they are rejecting you?! That sounds like one of Dante’s nine circles of hell.
Sorry about that dud Missdre. Definitely agree that arranging second dates with a good match is never nearly that difficult. Onward and upward!August 8, 2015 at 11:15 am #371180HmCGuest
“No, it baffles me that they can’t be honest about it. If you’re just looking to hook up there’s nothing wrong with that, but what’s the point in lying or playing games?”
As someone who has been on the douchey side of the not that interested equation, I can say that a lot of people aren’t actually lying. They’re just not that consciously aware of what they actually want. Or, they mean something truly in the moment that they say it, but they are not tuned into what they are actually feeling, so what they say does not end up matching up with their actions. Which is why it’s best to base your assessment of someone else’s feelings on their actions, always. I have done the late night drunken texts (maybe even calls) to guys I didn’t like that much in my wilder days (it was a rough, drunken time following a long term relationship). The times I have done that to someone I felt a genuine connection with and saw a future with? Zero.August 8, 2015 at 4:06 pm #371198LindaGuest
I am planning to surprise my new friend by taking him to a hot tub resort in California http://www.hottubresort.com The place is amazing! and affordable! Each hot tub sits on a private balcony in it’s own cabin overlooking a lake and the mountains. They supply towels, champagne, CD/MP3 player, candles, rose petals and snacks, or you can bring your own. I hear that the best time to go is just before Sunset. I’m sure he will enjoy it, I KNOW that I will! I’ll let you know how it goes 🙂August 8, 2015 at 7:08 pm #371219hfantodsParticipant
That is very frustrating, MissDre. Also, phone calls? Do people text so much they don’t know the etiquette of phone calls?
Folks, I had a good first date today; I don’t want to say really good to jinx anything, but it was good! Great conversation and weirdly similar upbringing. I’m just so nervous now. He’s already since suggested a second meeting and I’m interested. Nothing has been firmed up but he offered to take the train out to visit next weekend.
Actually, I told him today in conversation I’d be in the city again Monday night for the concert and he texted that he might be able to get off work early to meet before. But I had planned another date off OKC before the concert (the one I mentioned before). I’m not that excited about it, but I do want to meet the guy and I’d feel bad for cancelling. So I told today’s guy that I had dinner plans already. For the future, is that ok? I don’t want to show non-interest, but on the other hand, I can’t put “all my eggs in one basket”.
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, and you can probably tell my inexperience, but I’ve never had a real relationship and the most dates I’ve gone on with someone is two. So if you have any advice for second dates, that would be really appreciated. And I do hope this second date turns out. And like, that I stay calm, because I know this is a one date at a time thing and I can’t let my feelings get ahead of myself.
Edit: this guy was off Tinder and we do have mutual friends on Facebook. I’m doing everything NOT to look him up. I don’t want to know things I don’t want to know!