DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@hfantods, I think you’re doing the right thing telling the guy you’re interested in that you have other plans – because like you say, you’ve been on one good date with him and you don’t want to put all your eggs in his basket.
But show a lot of enthusiasm for your next date with him so that he doesn’t feel like second fiddle?
It is 100% ok to say, and actually have other plans, H. Honestly, if I were just starting to date someone and that guy was constantly available, I would be a little worried that he didn’t have a life. So… while dating, don’t NOT make plans with other people, friends included, in hopes that the person you’re interested in is available to do something. Also, that only helps you because you’re not sitting around wondering if he or she is into you or why they haven’t called, etc.
As for a second date, you might get together this coming up weekend? A hike or bike ride might be cool if you’re into that sort of thing?
I planned my date with the guy tonight. I’m taking a play out of AP’s book and we’re taking a water taxi to Chinatown and dining there. He seemed to really like the idea. Thanks AP!
I think you’re doing just fine hfantods! Just keep doing what feels right. I’m very guilty of all eggs in one basket and that bites me from time to time unfortunately.
Confession time: against most sound advice and judgment, I spent all weekend with Hippie Artist Guy. He came over to my house at 3pm on Saturday and left this morning when I went to work.
Things are moving…slowly…but they are moving. I had a lot of fun with him this weekend; he’s hilarious and he opened up to me a lot more than he had before. We talked a lot, shared a lot, had a few adventures, and just had a really nice relaxing time.
I’m sure he’s probably not a good fit longer-term, but it was so much fun I just wanted to enjoy it.
And hey, he spent 2 days at my house, he must have enjoyed my company too. We may never be anything more than really good friends but that’s okay for me right now. He makes me laugh. 🙂
So you spent all weekend with him, and was there any kissing, etc.? If not, I don’t think there ever will be. Which is ok if you really just want to be friends, but the complication can be if having him around gets in the way of opportunities to meet men who want to date you. Like if you spend a weekend with hippie artist buddy instead of going out with a girlfriend to see who you can meet.
Well…
There was snuggling. There was flirting. There was lots and lots of all of that kind of thing. There was sharing of food and drinks. There was even talking about if we’d be compatible.
He just didn’t seem to want to leave. We hung out, he came with me to pick up my roommate at the airport, we went to the grocery store and brought back food and he helped me cook dinner.
But because I flatly refuse to kiss him first…there was no kissing.
I am 95% sure if I had kissed him he would’ve been totally fine with it but I just won’t do it.
It’s OK though. I get what this is, I’m not under any delusion. I’m taking it for what it is, enjoying his company, and having fun.
When he left this morning it was with the expectation he’d be at a party I’m having at my house this coming weekend, and he set up his computer so that I could use to write my script more easily (we’re both writers).
If all this ever is is a good friendship, that’s fine. I do get the very strong impression that he doesn’t rush into things. And as I’ve said before, I’m definitely not going to stop looking around for other guys, too.
But hey, it was a fun weekend. 🙂
Ok, it sounds like you’re keeping your eyes open here, but just be careful. I can absolutely see the appeal for him of hanging out at your house all weekend, enjoying comfort, good company, food, snuggling, conversation, fun, etc. but not taking it to the level of physical intimacy, a real relationship in the sense that we think of a relationship, etc. I mean, I could see that happening. And knowing what you’re looking for, that would ultimately be a waste of time. That doesn’t mean you have to cut things off right now if you don’t want to, just make sure to keep assessing.
Guys guys guys my series of duds has been broken and I went on such a good date last night! We met at a park and each brought part of a picnic (I brought chicken and fruit, he brought bread, wine, cheese, and deviled eggs) and the conversation was so easy and enjoyable! We have a ton of hobbies in common (both tabletop gaming nerds, both huge bookworms). I told him more about poly, because he’s really intrigued by it even though he doesn’t have any experience with it, and we talked about our childhoods (both had kind of dysfunctional ones) and it was just so so enjoyable that even when it started raining, we just kept sitting there. No idea right now what it’ll turn into, if anything, but I’m really happy to have just been on a first date that wasn’t creepy or boring.
Yayyy! A picnic dare sounds awesome @Stonegypsy. I’m going to make a list of fun date activities for the future. I always panic and just suggest coffee or drinks as a date.
Also, I can’t imagine spending the weekend with a guy and not kissing, especially if there is snuggling and flirting. But I also always kiss a guy on the first date if I feel any sort of chemistry, so my comfort level is definitely different. I can’t imagine a guy spending most of the weekend with you though unless he was interested in more than friendship. That’s so confusing. Sorry I am no help; hopefully someone with more life experience can weigh in.
I can kind of imagine a guy spending the weekend with you and not taking it to more than a kind of platonic level. Not that it’s par for the course, but I can definitely see it, especially if she’s fun to hang out with and a great hostess.
