This is an interesting conversation. I’ve never had a problem with dating divorced guys. I always joked that I’d gladly be the second wife… have the starter marriage, learn from mistakes, find life long partner. The guy I’m with now is divorced. And I was engaged once. Anyway. I guess add me to the camp who doesn’t care one way or the other. “First” is overrated. But that’s just my opinion.

However, I do think it’s a lie to check single when you have been divorced. I wouldn’t not consider someone because of it. But I think it would be shady to go on a few dates and then he said “I was divorced.” I would want to know if someone once loved another enough to go through with the whole marriage bit.

“A lot of people, like Dre, are sure that they will get married once and once only, and it will be forever. They love that vision.”

Yep, what Kate said. Doesn’t mean I won’t change my mind or see life differently as I get older. But for now, this is how I feel what I hope for.

As for guys with children, I’m not ready for kids right now. Nor do I want to come second to somebody else’s kids right now (and the kids should always come first!) nor do I want to be forever tied to somebody’s ex.

As I get older, the pool of available men will change, and I may have to adjust my attitude. But for now, it’s pretty rare for guys in my age range to have been married or have kids, so it’s not an issue that comes up.

I’m a lurker on this site and just wanted to add my 2 cents to this conversation as a 29 year old divorcee. I belong to an amazing Facebook group for girls in their 20’s who are divorced (as it can often feel like you’re the only one). I can say that 99% of people go into their marriage assuming that this is a forever thing. Most of us didn’t go into it thinking “eh, if it doesn’t last.. it’as all good”. It’s great to have the hope and plans that you will find a forever person, unfortunately life likes to throw you curveballs and staying in a terrible marriage isn’t always a great option. Most people work their asses off to try and save the marriage. I would never blacklist someone because their ex cheated on them and they chose to leave the marriage because they vowed “for better for worse”…

Here in Canada you have to be separated for a year before you can file for divorce. I started dating while separated ( I was well over my ex and just needed to get “out there”) and I stated “Separated” on my dating profile. I felt like saying “single” was wrong seen as I was still technically married even if it didn’t seem that way. No guys seemed to care anyway.

Once I was officially divorced, I changed my status to “single”. I am divorced and I AM single. I am in no way tied to my ex anymore, we haven’t spoken a word in over a year. 99% of the time I tell guys that I was married before or during the first date. I’ve never had anyone react poorly to it. That being said, I choose not to put “divorced” as my status as I don’t think it defines me and honestly, if someone didn’t want to meet or continue dating me because I have been married before, then there’s a good chance our personalities would clash anyway.

I’m not saying anyone is wrong here.. but I would say if the guy is divorced, maybe hear him out and give him a chance. I can tell you for a fact that i have grown a ton because of my experience and I think it’s made me a better person. It makes people realize what they truly want out of partner and life. Life experience can be a great thing.

sorry for the long post 🙂

I agree with Kate, if I’d seen that a guy said “single” when “divorced” was an option, and then a few dates in he mentioned he’d been married, I’d immediately start wondering what else he lied about. I’m a believer in being truthful on my profile (I know we had this discussion before, and others think some truth-bending in certain areas is ok). I just don’t know how I can believe anything in the profile if I find out part of it was an outright lie.

What @MissDre said about: “The idea of being somebody’s second wife is uncomfortable for me. I imagine my wedding day, exchanging vows with my life partner in front of witnesses, I just don’t like the idea that I’m the second person he has exchanged vows with.” I understand this feeling – I used to feel this way too, but have mostly gotten over it. My boyfriend was engaged and they were together for 8.5 years, so longer than many marriages. I don’t like that he had someone else he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, but I have to just not think about it. It didn’t work out between them, they ended up not being a good match, and he ended up being free to find someone else he meshed better with. Divorced isn’t a dealbreaker for me but kids would be, as I’m still on the fence about them, and also what everyone else said about being forever tied to his ex.

Yeah, some people will judge you. But those are the people you don’t want to date so… I don’t get it.