DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Agree with you Wendy, perhaps I need to be more conscious of my wording in the future. I guess I shouldn’t say somebody looks *old* when I mean that they don’t take care of themselves, but aging badly is the comparison that came to mind.
On a note of trying to look good, I bought this gadget, figuring I’d return it if it didn’t work. It’s this hot ceramic paddle brush by Conair. It was like $44 at CVS. Has a long cord and 3 heat settings, of which I used the lowest.
I suck at blow-drying, and never even tried to use a flat iron because I’d burn my hair and leave ridges. I get blowouts at the salon, but don’t heat style my own hair. But this brush is great! You air dry your hair then basically run the brush through each section twice and it magically makes it straight and shiny. But not totally flat like a flat iron would. Now, it’s not a round brush so it won’t give you the bouncy curls, but it works great for a nice straight style with way less heat damage than the dryer and iron combo. And faster.
I washed my hair yesterday and let it dry in a bun with leave in cream and heat protecting oil, then used the brush this morning.
Kate, can you post a link? That might be great for me. I have extensions so it’s a pain in the ass to wash my hair and when I do, I hate blowdrying it. But if I don’t blow dry, my extensions look raggedy and unkempt.
So, mine is hot pink/purple, not black, but this is it. It also doesn’t yank at your hair like a regular brush. It has these bristles that create tension but move your hair through smoothly.
For me, the age & looks thing is this: I’ve had several men reach out to me on dating sites who are very, very obviously 10-20+ years older than they claim to be. It’s not even debatable. I mean a man in his 50s or 60s who claimed to be 37. Why is he lying? I don’t lie about my age on my profile. I don’t lie about anything on my profile, actually.
And sorry, but no, I’m not interested in a man in his 50s or 60s (and no joke, ever since I turned 30 I’ve been pursued by them online). I’ve waited a long time to be married/in a long term relationship and I don’t want to be widowed in middle age.
My rough cutoff is probably 10 years older than I am, and yes, I do want to be attracted to him, but to me, looking “old” and being attractive to me are two totally different things. I know men in their 40s and 50s whose looks show their age but whose personalities, maturity, intellect, and charisma are far and away better than the boring 25 year olds I’ve sat across pub tables from in the last few years. FAR and away. It doesn’t mean I want to be in relationships with either of them, though, necessarily.
I just want men to stop lying in their profiles…and if he’s old enough to be my dad, I do think there is an ick factor.
“If I were in my 30s and single, I’d take a kind, compassionate, has-hit-shit-together man in his mid-40s who looked it over some dorky 33-year-old still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up ANY damn day.”
I’m really hoping these aren’t the only options! I’m 32 and have had to state very explicitly that I only want to date someone in their late 20s to late 30s and I still get much older guys who will message me multiple times in a row about “giving an older guy a chance for once.” I find that guys in their 40s and 50s just aren’t at the same place in life as me and yeah, I’m not as attracted to them physically unless they are REALLY on their game. So hoping for someone in their late 20s-late 30s who like me has their shit together, is kind, fun, successful, adventurous and is conventionally attractive. And if that bar is too high…well, so be it. But that’s what I’m putting out there, so I think it’s reasonable to expect the same.
I feel like men get to skip over women they deem “not right” for reasons all the time, whether weight, age, hair color, etc. and people chalk it up to “men are visual creatures” whereas women are expected to be more mature and overlook looks. I think it’s good to meet people with similar values so I think it’s important to be the kind of person you want to be with.
I hear what you’re saying LadyE. Nothing wrong with a young 30-something woman not wanting to date men in their 50s and 60s. If there was a comment along those lines, I may have missed it. I did see a comment a couple pages back that said that on average, men don’t spend the “money, time, and consideration on moisturizing and skincare” that most women do and that by their late 30s, that’s starting to show. So… yeah, to me, that read as judging men’s looks — men who are in their late 30s. If a group of men said something similar about women, I can imagine how most of us would (rightfully) be really turned off, if not outraged. I mean I *have* heard men talk that way about women — how by the time women hit their late 30s their metabolism slows down, and it really shows. Same thing. Both equally offensive, if you ask me.
Kmen, what about men in their mid to late 30s? If you’re 32, I’d think a man who’s 36 or 37 or even 38 could potentially be a wonderful match for you. Probably more so than the average 28-year-old (of course, there are exceptions though!).
@Wendy, I did say that, to explain why some people were observing that men in their late 30s+ may look older…I didn’t say it was *bad*. Just an explanation. Sorry if that came across negatively. I guess I see it as…yeah, I totally expect that now and as I get older I will have to work harder to look better. I can’t eat pizza every day and drink soda all the time and stay 98lbs like I could in college. It’s just the way life is. *shrug* I really didn’t mean it negatively.
I went on a GREAT date in SF. We wandered around the most scenic of cities, had Tiki drinks at the grooviest Tiki Bar in America — The TONGA ROOM! Yes, oh yes… It was ALL very romantic! Too bad for both of us my date was MONEYPENNY! So no love connection was made — but we had a blast. 🙂
