DW Community Catch-up Thread
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K and Copa – I find it pretty ridiculous because A.) Is he going to pull out a scale and weigh you on the first date? and B.) I’m in the best shape I’ve been in years, eat super healthy and workout 4-5 times a week and there’s no way I’d meet those weight requirements. Muscle is heavy, and weight training makes muscle. Also, weight training means “I’m taking care of myself.”
So much facepalm.
@veritek your instagram posts of these profiles make me laugh. I’m almost tempted to get back on bumble and tinder just for entertainment.
I just feel no desire to meet new people. I have two guys I date, but I really like having my alone time. I’m sure at some point it will change, but I’m not going to put energy into dating when I’m happy with things the way they are. My friend that broke up with her loser fiance a couple of months ago plans to be married in a couple of years. I pointed out that it’s better to be single and happy (especially since she has a child), and she said “no way am I going to be unmarried and 30″….uh okay. Remember the last time you decided you were going to have a baby no matter what? Then got stuck in a bad relationship for 4 years? I’m sure she will be in a relationship before me since that’s her priority right now.
Well shit, I guess now I know why I’m single… I’m not even plus sized (I’m like… size 10-12 maybe?) but I’d need to lose like 30 lbs to meet the “woman who takes care of herself” standard.
I had a male co-worker describe to me once what he looks for in a woman. First thing he said was “fit.” I asked how you know if someone is fit, since you can be physically fit and have different body types. He said “not too skinny but has muscular calves.” I asked if he really looks at calves, and he said yes. That tells him whether she’s fit or not. I guess volleyball or rowing would be out though. He also told me he won’t date a woman who wears makeup because that tells him that she won’t be interested in going hiking with him.
It’s ridiculous the kinds of judgments people make based on specific details of someone else’s appearance.
So lame. I have muscular calves because I’ve always walked around on tiptoe since I was a kid, and wear a lot of heels. I also wear makeup AND enjoy the outdoors.
A size 6-8 looks tiny on many people btw!
I wear make-up and LOVE hiking. He’s missing out.
I run, but don’t have a stereotypical runner’s body. I lift but I’m sure I don’t look like it. For anyone who does Crossfit, I just started up again (did a few months last year, took a long break, and am back) and can squat clean 100 lbs. I’m positive I don’t LOOK like I can do that — I’m petite, and when I carry a little extra weight (like right now!), it’s all in my gut — but I can, and it’s awesome. Even though I think I have super strong legs, my calves are nothing special so that guy would never, ever know.
Can confirm, wear makeup and have hiked literally thousands of miles.
And I get having preferences for certain body types, but how does a list of “acceptable” weights in a dating profile come off as anything but crass and offputfing?
Yep, I actively avoid profiles where guys say they want someone “active” or “fit” because I know what that’s code for – even though I also lift (body pump!) and walk several miles a day when I don’t, I’m sure I don’t fit their ideal. Whatever; they’re the ones missing out.
Related short story: I met a guy at work about 4 1/2 years ago and we clicked really well; we flirted all the time and got to be super close. He was divorced and single/dating around, and he would seriously get in “trouble” with my team lead for flirting with me all the time. We’d stay after work talking for hours. Then he met another girl and I watched him fall for her and I was really sad…but she was tall and thin with “big tits and a tiny waist,” (his words) so I moved on. He actually helped me get the job I have now, and I left the company where we worked together a few months later.
He went on to marry that woman and have a kid with her. We mostly lost touch. Then, about six months ago, I saw something on Facebook where he was talking about emotional abuse…since we had been friends before, I reached out to him to catch up.
Turns out she was abusive and he’s now in the middle of his second divorce before he turns 35, with a 19-month-old daughter.
Funnily enough, we have been hanging out a lot recently (as friends) and he keeps making comments about how great I am, how smart I am, and nice and sweet and amazing..and I’m pretty sure he wishes he had asked me out instead of her way back when. We’ve even started going to church together. I wish he had been able to see all this 4 years ago!
Anyway, some things come around, I guess. Kind of.
As for me, I am over online dating and I’m vowing to take at least a 3-month break. I’d prefer it if it were 6 months. I’m signed up for a ton of meetup group events but I never go to any, so I’m really going to commit to meeting people in person for a freaking change. Let’s see how that goes.
@TheLadyE, please don’t date this guy when you’re done with your break and he’s divorced. He has a history of making bad decisions: flirting with co-workers to the point of getting reprimanded, choosing body proportions over character, having a kid with the wrong person, using Facebook to air dirty laundry and bash his wife… Now he’s not even divorced yet and you’re his emotional blankie again. I know you want to think the best of him and believe he’s seen the light and changed, but I really doubt it. He seems like one of those guys who can’t just be alone without a constant lather of female attention.
Also, you know already that he sees you as a friend and isn’t physically attracted, so he’d be likely to do the same thing again – get really close with you and then “fall for” some big boobs. Think how bad it felt then… it would probably feel a lot worse now.
