DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I don’t recall him saying he wanted kids on the front page of his profile, just that he didn’t have them. So can’t really make a conclusion with that. My profile said the same, then last week, after he had closed his profile, I put I didn’t want them. So tomorrow will be eye opening I am sure. Might try and get us to play the game LIFE (doing a board game cafe), to bring it up on the date haha
You can honestly just ask, you don’t need a board game. You’re not going to be like, “yes, I want them! Yesterday!” so you’re not going to scare him. You just want to find out if he definitely wants them so you don’t waste your time and his. It’s not weird to ask.
Oh I know haha It was more a funny way to segway into it. I don’t mind asking these big questions, helps me get a more rounded picture of him. Just wasn’t sure on the timing.
@Cleopatra_30 If it helps at all, I’ve been asked if I want kids early on before by a guy I dated — before we were serious or exclusive — and I didn’t think it was weird. I answered with an honest “I don’t know” and that was fine with him. At that point we’d been dating for, I dunno, a month or two. At night when we’d chat before bed, we’d take turns asking each other questions because we were in that “OMG WANNA KNOW ALL THE THINGS ABOUT YOU!!!” phase, and that was one of his questions. It wasn’t weird in context of our nighttime “game,” and it wouldn’t have been weird otherwise because at that point, we were both super into one another, were both looking for a real relationship, and wanted to make sure we had the same basic life goals.
I ask men what they’re looking for after a handful of dates because if we’re on different pages, better to move on before anyone is too invested. You can open up the conversation asking how he’s feeling about getting to know you and what he’s looking for (a relationship, something casual, etc.), rather than abruptly asking about kids. This isn’t terribly different from wanting to make sure the person you are dating knows that, say, marriage is very important to you.
Cool, thanks for the input ladies 🙂
Never been at that stage in my life where I was looking for a serious long term commitment. Mostly just dating and getting the experience. Now I really want to invest more into something that has long term potential. So good to know it isn’t unusual to ask that question early on.
Hey guys, opinion poll.
I went on a couple dates with a guy last summer that was new to town and I though they went really well. But after those couple dates he kinda faded and then I got laid off, job searched, changed jobs a couple times, never heard from him and honestly kind of forgot about him.
In early March he sent me a text asking how I was etc. I was pretty wary so just responded as little as possible but it developed into a decent conversation and he still texts a couple times a week. Long story short, he told me last week he wanted to apologize for ghosting me in August. He said moving to a new town, starting a new job, buying a new house etc was a lot on his plate (agreed) and he got caught up in making friends and adjusting and if I could give him a second chance he would love to take me out because “I remember we had a great time together and I think you’re very cute.”
Would you go out with the guy again? I’m inclined to say yes and just go grab drinks and see if it’s worth pursuing again. But the other part of me says hes bored and he started dating someone else and it didn’t work out and he’s just going back through his phone and seeing who will respond. Thoughts?
Moving IS a lot to deal with, so it’s possible his reasons are genuine. I rarely think a casual drink with someone can hurt, but if you truly believe he ghosted because he was dating someone else, proceed with caution if at all. I’ve said it a million times on here, but I’m wildly opposed to ghosting and think it’s tacky, so that would factor into my decision.
I’m always taken a bit aback when I hear from a guy I haven’t heard from in months, and tend to assume they’re bored as well. The last time I gave someone a second chance, I thought better of it, but our connection was the strongest one I’d felt in a long time — so I went for it, and we dated for a couple months. The second rejection felt shittier than the first, but no real regrets. I give second chances less often as I get older and I’ve never had a second chance situation end happily for me, but there are exceptions to every rule.
I’m sorry to hear about your dad, Ver.
I kind of would be tempted to go out again — it’s just one night, especially since you said the dates last summer went well. It’s probable there were other women in between, but, well they didn’t work out (likely). At least he apologized about ghosting? Sometimes there’s that situation of where it’s been an awkwardly long time to respond so you just … don’t? But! I guess you wouldn’t do that to a woman you liked. So I guess I did a loop, but I don’t see the harm in drinks, really.
Eh Veritek, I must be cold as I wouldn’t have responded in the first place. I did that once and found out later the guy (who I knew through mutual friends) had ghosted on me to get back together with his (literal) playboy bunny ex gf. And when he popped back up was when it didn’t work out with her. And you know what?
I would never ghost on someone, I’d have the decency to send a text saying “hey, I’ve had a great time getting to know you, but with my move etc. I have a lot on my plate and am not in a great place to date. I’d love to reach out later when I am in a better place if you are open to it, but if not I totally understand.” That took me all of 20 seconds to type. IF someone can’t put 20 seconds in for basic courtesy, I’m out.
If it was more of a mutual fade, I would feel different but I’d also assume I wasn’t all THAT into him if it faded and I made no real effort. And I’m not someone that dates people unless I’m pretty instantly very into them. So up to you if you want to give it a go, but I wouldn’t focus on the “real” reasons why he ghosted.
Creeper Alert: Veritek, I’m pretty confident your Instagram account popped up in the “explore” section of my feed this morning (I’m sure because we have some mutual DW friends on IG). Can I add you? You post about all the things I like (fitness, animals, food, the sangle life, family).
Hopefully this is the most awkward I’ll be all day! 🙂
</creeperalert>
So I’m supposed to go on a second date tonight. Heard from my date yesterday afternoon asking how my week is going and such. I responded last night to tell him about how I’m liking my new job, ask about his work trip, and ask if he’s still up for drinks tonight. Haven’t heard back and naturally I’m wondering if this is the beginning of the ghosting.
@copa you can absolutely add me 🙂 It’s a public account so I don’t put anything too private on there. You’ll have to send me a DM so I know it’s you!
Dad was readmitted to the hospital last night so I’m sure I won’t be going on any dates soon. It was just nice to be asked out again I suppose. I might go have a drink with him just to get out of the hospital and get a distraction.
Like @kmentthat I would not have responded. I hate when people do that and come up with all kinds of excuses.
