DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I was close to suggesting the same thing as Kate. I really do think it’s a good option to consider. At this point, it’s 100% harassment.
@Ale this might be extreme and maybe i’m paranoid – but do you think he could ever get dangerous? Like I’d be inclined to change up my routine and even change the locks in your place. Go to the gym at a different time and def tell the staff he is not to be around you or have contact with you. Changing your locks or at least beefing up your security seems to be a good idea too. He clearly isn’t respecting boundaries and even though it all seems minor now, it seems like it could escalate at any time.
I sincerely hope it DOES NOT escalate, but those are just some thoughts I had this morning. Wishing you peace and calm.
People at the gym already know, it’s a small gym and they have all been very helpful. They know we are not on speaking terms. I don’t think he would ever get dangerous, he is not violent or like that at all.
He hasn’t contacted me since yesterday’s talk and today at work he hasn’t come around. He always came to say hi, and yesterday when I ignored him, he was still around, I saw him walk by a couple of times, he was in the same room having lunch with me and I ignored him, until he called me in the afternoon. After I told him to stop contacting me and to give me space, he told me he would get lunch at another time, and would find another place to eat. I’ll see about that later in the day.
Today has been going well so far, I think he got the point now. I am incredibly sad by all of this, a month ago he was there with me for my graduation and now everything is over. My next appointment with my therapist is until monday. It was today but he cancelled. That would have been very helpful.In the meantime you could read a book maybe? Written by a therapist perhaps. I’m glad he’s backing off, keep your guard up though.
@Ale I wouldn’t worry so much about being the crazy ex when he seems to be filling that role nicely, but would still find a way to return his things to him to take the high road. Maybe have someone else do the delivery — that way you’ll have no contact. Do you go to a tiny gym? If you’re at a huge gym and he’s seeking you out when your gym times overlap, I second what everyone else has said about approaching the gym staff because that’s, as today’s youths would say, so extra. I have two gym memberships — one is a very small gym in my office building, the other is small group classes — and both are tiny. It’s harder to avoid someone in those spaces, and if that’s the case I’d just change up my routine. At this point, you’re still acknowledging him even just a little bit, right? Stop. Completely and entirely, just stop. I wouldn’t even bother with pleasantries if you see him around work (unless it’s a situation where you HAVE to). Once you stop acknowledging him — even if it’s just to tell him to leave you alone — he’ll get bored and stop.
I know that he called me in the afternoon just to test the waters. “Forgot my password” yeah right. He wanted to see if I was still there. There are a million ways to reset your password. He was looking for any chance at a conversation.
At the gym we talked, I cried a lot, he saw me crying my eyes out, asking him to leave me alone to heal. He kept saying he only needed time to think but that he was going to respect my wishes. It’s been like 14 hours and he seems to understand now.
Maybe his MOM can help him with his password. Sheesh. He can have the rest of his dumb life to think about how he messed everything between you two up!
@Ale I’m a lurker on this thread but I wanted to add…
You are doing SO well. You got this, girl. You’ve made the hardest move already, the no-contact order. You’re going to get through this.
When my last relationship dissolved, my ex was doing what yours is. It really fucked with my emotional well-being and it took me SIX MONTHS to gather the strength to demand he stop talking to me (I’m still working on why I allowed myself to be so emotionally masochistic). Those were the worst six months of my life because I was so desperate to cling onto something that wasn’t going to happen and he was so afraid that I would consider him a bad person. But he was a bad person – a chaotic alcoholic who cheated on me for months.
I still don’t think he is a bad person but I do think he has managed this in an awful way and has made everything worse. I told him everything he was doing wrong and he couldn’t believe that he was hurting me. I know for a fact he won’t contact me. I was very clear yesterday.
