DW Community Catch-up Thread
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@Ale I don’t think that sounds bad or selfish. I think things like that, too! One of my married friends actually told me a couple years ago when I was going through a sad breakup that I made her feel really lucky that she met the right guy young and had a happy marriage. And I wasn’t offended at all even though I was a hot pitiful mess!
I mention a miserably married friend of mine on this site a lot — mosey on over to the “long-term compatibility” thread for context — but if I didn’t text her almost daily and only relied on social media to tell me about her life, I’d think she was happy. She’s not. She and her husband have been separated for over a year and a half and argue constantly. He kept asking her to accompany him to an event that was important to him. She kept saying she didn’t want to go. They argued about this for a month before she finally agreed to go. This event was last weekend. I got a text from her on her way to the event telling me how much she was dreading it, and another text shortly after to let me know they were already in a huge fight. But of course she posted couples photos to social media with some caption that’d make you think everything between them was dandy. It’s really, really not, and I feel so sad for her that she seems so stuck. I wanna shake her and yell, “This isn’t how love works! This isn’t what marriage is supposed to be!” So, you’re right not to believe everything you see on Facebook. I don’t think everyone who posts about their relationship is miserable, but when someone does it frequently and with a certain tone (I guess braggy/showy in tone?), that IS my suspicion.
YES Copa! I too have a friend who is in a horrific relationship. Her partner is a the most calculated, manipulative, every other bad word to describe him, asshole! I seriously want to throat punch him daily. He posts pictures of his love, his son! Who he hates and wishes was never born. How my friend continues in this relationship is besides me. I used to tell her often that he is an asshole but after she & her son moved in with me and I provided an opportunity for her to save money & get out, she went back. Now, I mostly keep my mouth shut, unless he is supremely an asshole, to which i can’t help but call him out.
Those types of relationships are what make me happy about being single again. I’d rather be single than in a shitty relationship.
Well, sadness comes and goes, but I’m mostly happy and calm. Weekends are hard but I have tried to keep myself busy. Ex hasn’t stopped bugging me but I try my best to avoid him and I learned that I shouldn’t expect anything from him.
I downloaded Tinder again last Sunday and started talking to a guy that seems too good to be true. He already asked me out but I feel like we should talk some more before. He seems very eager to go out even when I told him that I actually joined Tinder to make friends, not to date or anything serious (and it says so on my profile) so, we’ll see what happens. At least the conversation has been nice.
@Ale glad you are moving on and taking things day by day. Being on Tinder is such a culture shock coming out of a serious relationship. I would say you don’t want to spend too much time talking on the app/texting before meeting…it really sucks when you have texting chemistry but none in person. I always texted for a week or so to get enough info to figure I could invest an hour over coffee/drinks.
That being said if you truly aren’t ready for a date yet, that makes total sense and don’t push yourself! You’re doing everything you should and bit by bit you’ll feel more consistently happy.
We’ve been texting for a couple days and he is really nice and funny. I actually responded to his first message because it made me laugh. I don’t want to go on a date date yet, but I want to meet new people, not in a scary/anxious way for me. I am very anxious socially and I just know that going on a date with someone is going to be just plain awful no matter how awesome the guy is because I’ll just mess it up, like I won’t even be able to look at him in the eyes (and this is not because of the breakup, this is me, normally, when getting to know someone who is interested in me). I need to gain more confidence before going solo and last couple of times that confidence has been provided by alcohol. So I was thinking of maybe meeting him in a more comfortable environment for me, like a casual outing with friends. For instance “I’m at XX bar with a couple of friends, why don’t you join us?” And that way I can be comfortable because I have my friends there., and it won’t be so scary.
Mmm, I get it, but would you appreciate it if someone did that to you?
It’s just a drink.
This lady i used to work with but haven’t seen in over 4 years just reached out to me. She has older teen kids and just started dating on Match. She was like, I took your advice! I didn’t even remember what advice, but part of it was just to go out for a bunch of first-date drinks and not put any pressure on it or get invested. She’s now got a guy she likes, who seems to have stuck.
Don’t do it until you’re ready, but also put it in perspective. One drink. Light chitchat. No expectations. No pressure, don’t care.
Why go on dates if they are so anxiety producing and you just got dumped by a long term bf?
I’d be annoyed to be expecting a date and then to roll up to a table full of people with a man who had no real intention of dating me. But I’m old, so maybe I don’t know how it works now.
I’m just catching up on this thread, but circling back to taking social media/dating app breaks–I have been dealing with some health problems recently, and I took an extended, self-imposed social media hiatus to focus on recovery. I’m much better now and slowly dipping my toe back into social media, but after a couple months without it, I’ve lost that reflex to constantly check Instagram or Facebook or whatever. I’m definitely comparing myself to others a lot less, which has been good for my recovery and overall self-esteem. I still haven’t gotten back on the dating sites, though. I’m working on a new job, and I can’t handle that stress plus the stress of dating right now.
I quit Facebook and don’t miss it or have any urge to log back in.
I quit because of the fake news though, not the feeling bad about myself. I’m curious about that. The only thing that ever got to me was this couple that goes to Europe and flies first class and posts pics of them in their lay-down pods. Other than that, nothing made me feel bad or inadequate. Everyone has their highlights that they post.
Were there particular triggers for you? I can definitely see, like, if something shitty happened to you, like just for example a pet died, you would want to take a break from seeing people’s pet posts…
