DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Wow, so crazy update here. My planned date for tonight was cancelled on behalf of him having some serious anxiety/personal issues.
After our impromptu date on Tuesday I texted him the next day and said ‘thanks for a fun night, glad to have finally met you, looking forward to Thursdays date!’ Well he did not respond the way I was hoping, he basically responded very quizzically and expressed that he was a little terrified. I asked terrified of what, and he proceeded to throw all these insecurities on me about us dating. He brought up that I was a 45 min drive away and that he wasn’t sure he potentially fall in love or have a relationship with me when i go ‘camping for days or weeks on end’ (I had a two day camping trip the weekend prior, and mentioned by week long trip to Van Island to do the west coast trail in early July). So this was definitely an eye opener. We talked a bit more and basically he just seems really insecure and has a lot of relationship anxieties. He was overthinking WAY too much for having only met once and talking for a week. It left me mentally drained to say the least because he was overthinking things and I was really bummed because I did like him and we got a long really well during our date and had great physical chemistry. Alas, a HUGE bullet dodged there.
WHAT. wow that is.. intense. I was reading it and got anxious! Sounds like he has a problem snowballing.
Stage Five Clinger
I mean, I’m sure dating with anxiety is very challenging, but to go off the handle like that in a TEXT??? He needs to make an appointment asap.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with him realizing that her lifestyle and his lifestyle don’t mesh well in terms of what he wants for a longterm relationship, but yeah him going off like that is a bit nuts. He should have just said “I enjoyed meeting you but I don’t feel that we’re a good fit. All the best.”
I once had a guy tell me in our very first text convo that he was a virgin and saving himself for marriage. I was like uhhhh ok I don’t really know what to do with that information? We’re not a good fit then, because I don’t share your values. And he basically begged me to keep talking to him and meet him. He was like “No! Wait! I can compromise! We don’t have to wait for marriage!”
Soooooo yeah. Some guys are nuts.
@Cleo – Wow. I had a guy one time drunkenly tell me while we were making out that he couldn’t be falling in love with a girl that lived 2 hours away. It was our 3rd date and I never saw him again after that.
At least he saved you some time?
Geez. This guy is nuts.
My friend went on a date with a guy, and at the end, he was all like, “Let me know if you want to hang out again!” So, she texted him that week and was like, “Do you want to hang out? We could go to that place you recommended this weekend or next week.” He replied that he was broke and couldn’t go out for a couple of weeks, and then kept going and was like talking about how he was having a bad day and was feeling really grumpy, and was like “It doesn’t matter when or where we hang out” (though, it clearly did, since he had turned down her first offer), and then finally was like, “I don’t really care. Let’s talk some other time.”
It was interesting because he seemingly was trying to keep her around, but not aware that he needed to not act like a jerk in order to do so. She later told me he had some untreated mental health issues (he had maintained that he didn’t need treatment right now because things were going well in his life), and the pieces started to come together.
Omg @Cleopatra_30! That’s super intense for someone you literally just met! One of my friends met her boyfriend online and they were full-blown exclusive and “serious” within two weeks of meeting for the first time. And I thought it was nuts. (They’re still together 1.5 years later, and while they’re super clingy/codependent, otherwise seem quite happy.) Another friend of mine was exclusive with an ex of hers within an week of meeting, exchanging “I love yous” with him by week two. She was crushed and acting legit INSANE when he dumped her after two months. Because “they were so in love.” I’d have gone running from every one of these dudes. It sounds like your guy needs to meet someone like my friends, because wowza!
Sometimes I wonder if I’m coming on too strong when I tell guys I’m looking for a relationship, and then I read stuff like this and feel reassured that no, I just tell people honestly what I’m looking for at this point in my life. I’m not saying creepy stuff about what some guy “means” to me or throwing out all the reasons we might not work a hot second after meeting.
@MissDre I totally agree. If my distance is truly an issue I don’t blame any guy for bowing out. I make it known on my profile where I live and that I am outside the city core. So I am transparent. Guess my driving into town to see him made him realize it wouldn’t work.
A big component of his argument was calling himself ‘selfish’ because he wasn’t sure he was okay with me being away and ‘leaving him’ alone on weekends. Again, thinking WAY ahead for him. But I did tell him after hearing everything that he should speak to someone because he will not be able to have a healthy or fruitful relationship or dating life. I think he knows, even before me, that he needs to talk these out. But all on him to make the initiative to do so.
So it turns out, adopting a dog is a lot like online dating: frustrating and disappointing! I had a LOOOONG work week last week, and on my drive home from a work trip, stopped at a PetSmart to meet a dog I applied for online. He was perfect! And then the foster mom, who ultimately decides the best fit for the dog, basically told me it was a long shot that I’d get picked due to the overwhelming response about him. I was running on fumes at that point from long hours, and as soon as I got back to my car, started getting super emotional because I feel like I can’t compete with the couples or families who can coordinate schedules to make sure the dog isn’t alone as long during the day, or more easily afford a dog walker. This is the second dog in a row I’ve been rejected for.
