Yeah, I mean, very recent ex pics or sexist rants would be a no-go for me too. But I think we’ve got to be able to rely on our instincts. I’ve never gotten serious with a guy and then found out he had sexist tendencies or weird stuff on social media or was married or had a criminal record. I dated a couple of cheaters, but I figured it out on my own from observing them. It wasn’t something I could have dug up.

I think it’s all too likely that some really unsavory stuff would never be revealed in an online search, and that if a guy is sketchy or “off,” you’re going to realize it pretty quickly once you spend a little time with him, so why not just meet up? Phone calls, skyping, long periods of chat and texting, online stalking, in most cases aren’t going to protect you from a guy who won’t be a good match for you. Experience and gut do that. Plus the long build-up to meeting can get you more invested in a guy than you should be, and more likely to overlook weird stuff once you meet him.

I felt like what a guy chose to say in his profile and how he acted during the course of a few emails via the website would give me enough of an indication that it would be fine to meet up, and then we’d meet in a public place and he wouldn’t know my last name, and I could get a better sense of him. Nothing beats in-person meeting.

In summary, the only thing you can rely on to keep you safe is your instinct, as taught in the book “The Gift of Fear.”

Ah, ok. I’m not very social either, but a drink on a weeknight was pretty low investment for me, beyond the extra effort of making sure I looked cute and the dog got out.

On the other hand, job interviews absolutely drain me, and I like doing a lot of research up front and having phone calls first to make sure I really want to go in there.

Yeah, I’d be offended if someone asked me to see more pictures. But, then again, there wouldn’t be a need for it. On Tinder, I use all 6 photos available to me. A few are of just my face, a few you can see my full body. I have a couple photos from weddings where I look nice, and also pics of myself hiking or other more casual shots where I’m not as put together and/or have my hair pulled back to balance it out. All photos except I think one are from the past year, and the “old” one is less than two years old.

I hate when I can’t tell what someone looks like, and would swipe left. A few weeks ago when I was visiting a friend of mine, her brother came over for dinner. He’s also on Tinder. He asked me what I thought of his profile, and I told him he needed to change his main picture because it was one where you couldn’t see his face and I wouldn’t be able to tell what he looks like. He told me he picked it because Tinder told him it was his best picture. And I was like, what? NO! Bad move! Pick the headshot of you in a suit at a wedding! Once I think you’re cute, I’ll swipe through to see the rest, but I don’t want to work that hard to find out what someone looks like.

So I thought things had naturally fizzled out with the guy I met a couple weeks ago and wasn’t interested in. Not long after we met I went on a work trip and he stopped contacting me around that time, likely due to my slow responses, but he resurfaced last night. So I rejected him, and felt a little guilty about it. He’s the first guy in awhile to like me more than I’ve liked him.

Yeah, so, my sister, who struggles with her weight, once showed up for a date and the guy said something about how she was thinner in her pictures, which I thought was incredibly cruel. Needless to say, the date ended before it started. That said, I do think it’s good to use pictures that are flattering but that also accurately represent how you look.

Meanwhile, dudes are using photos that are like a decade old, or where they’re covering their face with sunglasses, but oh no that’s not deceptive at all…

I’m never in situations where other people take pictures of me, so my photos on Tinder were always selfies. I know you’re supposed to put up a variety but my girlfriends and I always just take selfies together.

Also with tinder I found it really annoying that you have to use the square picture format. I know that was a thing for a long time because of instagram but the only pics that did show my body I had to use this app called “squarefit” to crop it.

With the new iphones, the samsung, and snapchat, I don’t find that many people take square photos anymore. That’s one of the reasons I liked Bumble better. Full screen pics!