@veritek To be honest, I do feel bad knowing many guys on online dating sites probably pick up the tab for drinks or dinner, just to get shot down or ghosted. I know we’ve had discussions about who pays on first online dates on this thread, and a lot of us here either do pay for ourselves or are at least fully prepared to, but I do wonder if that’s not the norm. That said, that’s not an excuse for standing someone up. If it’s a legit concern, don’t set up dates in the first place!

I almost went on a last-minute first date on Saturday. I had morning/afternoon plans with a friend, but my evening was wide open. I got a message on Tinder and when it turned out we both had nothing going on, we decided we should get drinks. He told me he had dinner plans, and he miscalculated timing, so I suggested rescheduling. He apologized for the poor timing. I don’t feel too badly about it or inconvenienced since I didn’t have other plans. We’ve been texting a little, and it turns out we live a couple blocks apart, so I’m hopeful we can reschedule soon. Lately the trend seems to be guys who are fine chatting but who suck at continuing the conversation. (Like, I’ll ask questions to try to get a conversation going and they’ll answer, but won’t ask me any questions in return.) I know they’re strangers to me and it’s all very low-investment, especially at the text stage, but I stop trying with those guys pretty quickly.

I mean, it can be hard with the apps to get a conversation going. If I’m trying to start a conversation, I’ll try to comment on something from a profile blurb or a photo. I really hate when men don’t even write a few sentence about themselves because it makes the first message that much harder, but I never just say “Hey, what’s up?” But once we’ve established contact and have exchanged some small talk and pleasantries, if the guy can’t think of a single question to ask me, I find it off-putting. And it’s not even that I want to have long, involved conversations by text — just a quick screening before we meet. Ha.

@Veritek I don’t know if I would have answered the texts, I would have been curious to know why he set up a date in the first place or I would have scolded the guy. Or maybe if I was interested, I would have told him that I would be paying for my meal. I think there are a lot of possible interpretations of his texts, he could be dissapointed due to past dates. Not cool to text someone you don’t know at 3 am. But then again, he could have been regretting standing you up.
I texted that german dude last week to set up a coffee date. He never answered. So, bye.
Three weeks ago my ex boyfriend’s dog died. I loved that dog, and he did too. He cried his eyes out, or so he says.
Anyways, we weren’t talking but I didn’t have him blocked or anything. He told me at work that his dog had died, since he knew how much I loved that dog. We started talking and texting regularly. Then last week we went for coffee. He told me he really misses me. Also told me he is in therapy, and has been going weekly. He says he wants a life with me and that he always has but our relationship had become too much for him and we were fighting a lot and he couldn’t stand it. I told him that I would think about it. I miss him too and I am not over him yet. But I don’t want to get back together without a plan or knowing what went wrong. I also wouldn’t want to think that all of this is because of grief, which he says is not. He agreed we need more time apart but this is all new to me. I didn’t know he felt that way.
I am going to the beach with friends for a week starting Saturday and I can’t wait. I’ll have some time to think then.

OMG @Ale NO!!! Couples who successfully get back together are the exception to the rule. Based on everything you’ve written here, I’m sorry, but getting back together sounds like a really stupid idea and it’s almost guaranteed you guys will not be the exception to the rule. I know it’s hard and you miss him (that’s normal!), but omg just no.

Oh Ale, I am so sorry you’re back in this space with him. I haven’t commented much on it, but have followed along. I can tell you from experience, this is going to end up in the same place (you two not together) only if you go back down this path with him it’s going to take you exponentially longer to get over him and the hurt and the relationship that “could have been.” Please heed all of our advice and DO NOT GO THERE. When you’re still recovering from the end of a relationship, it feels so comforting and safe to go back to the familiar. And for a bit it may feel that way. But then it won’t be either of those two things and you will feel worse.