WEES. You NEED more time to get over the ex @ale. It is difficult to accept this, but he was a douchcanoe.

I got back with my ex a couple years ago after maybe 2 or 3 months. Nothing changed. I initiated it cause I thought I knew better, but I still loved him, missed him and we had regular contact. Huge mistake, learned from it and now understand why you need the mandatory time away, so that they can’t influence your decision. Cause it will happen. Also realized, NOTHING CHANGED. Still the same person, same issues etc. So this will be the case with your ex, despite the recent therapy. He still has a lot to work through, as do you.

My other friend is going through this at the moment. Her ex of 5 years left her for our good friend, they moved to Ireland. Then this summer he moved back to Ontario when they broke up after a 2 year relationship. So now she has to manage seeing him around her cottage as his is just next door. She was hypothetically thinking about meeting with him to avoid the awkwardness and trying to smooth things over. I advised no, why bother. After some push back, her therapist asked her to not contact him, and to learn to manage the anxiety of seeing him. She seemed to have it in her head that it would be good, and maybe they would try again. Of course it made no sense, but even after 3 years the burn is still there and hard for her to deal with it.

It takes time to heal. Do not see your ex again, fully block him. You made a lot of great first steps earlier, and it is best to continue walking away from him and moving on with your life.

Take a break from dating anyone!

I agree with everything Kate is saying in regard to both @ale… DO NOT GET SUCKED IN! and about the rando, late night texts a week later. NO!

Here’s something I’ve learned lately: you come to identify/define yourself according to your most recent experience. For you, that was being the girlfriend in this inharmonious relationship. That’s a big part of who you were for years, and then it was taken away from you with no choice. That’s very, VERY difficult and hurts so much. All you want is to get it back, because you’re so used to it, it feels like you need it. And he makes it way harder by not just getting the fuck out of your way. You feel like there’s hope, but there’s really not. You need to just move through this, like you’re supposed to, and soon enough you’ll identify as a strong single woman who’s doing well, having a good time, and is well rid of that tool of an ex-boyfriend. Don’t let yourself get stuck in this shitty limbo.

We are not back together or dating. We went for coffee once, a week ago and we have continued texting since he told me about his dog, scarcely though. Before that we had no contact, only the ocassional hello at work.
It’s going to be three months since we broke up, and I’m fully aware that this wouldn’t work out right now. We would both need more time if we were ever to think about getting back together again and we both need to think and deal with our issues on our own.
I’m taking a break anyways, I decided that when I started talking to the german dude. If it didn’t work out, I wasn’t going to pursue online dating or any other type of dating for the rest of 2017.

That’s good. I read it as you’d been in regular contact lately and were thinking over potentially getting back together.

I remember when my dog died in 2006 and someone mentioned it to my ex and he wrote me a heartfelt email, and a few months later we were back together for what ended up being an absolutely miserable 4-year stretch before it was finally over. I had convinced myself I couldn’t break up with him again and was determined to “make it work.” It. Was. So. Bad.