DW Community Catch-up Thread
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So, I went and came from the beach with my friends and it was kind of a little boring, but had some fun some times. We are all on our early thirties so maybe that’s why the partying days are over.
When my ex told me that he wanted to get back together and I told him I didn’t know, we decided to keep in touch and see where things went. I wasn’t really considering the whole thing, and had my mind set on not going back together at least for the rest of 2017, but decided to keep in touch. We were supposed to have coffee yesterday, and then he decided that he didn’t want to see me. I asked why and he just said “I just don’t want to”, and proceeded to tell me that he didn’t really want to get back together with me and he didn’t want to see me at work. So, he changed his mind in a day because the day before he was just telling me how important I was in his life and how I had made him a better man.
I got so mad, but so mad, I told him to never talk to me again and to pretend that I’m dead. I treated him bad and I hope he never talks to me again. But then he showed up at work earlier than expected, when he KNOWS I’m having breakfast just to show off.
So why am I telling this? I know you all told me not to go there. My family and my friends also told me that. I believed that his intentions were genuine. You could all tell me “I told you so, we told you so”. And I know. But I keep posting about this because maybe there’s someone in the same situation as I am or was. And This could be helping someone NOT to make the same stupid decisions I have. I’m set now and it’s over. I want to start looking for another job or something to be gone far away.
I know how hard it is, and I was warning you from a place of having been there. This guy really for whatever reasons seems to enjoy playing with you, getting a reaction, manipulating you, hurting you. And by not closing him out, you’ve continued to let him have that influence on you. The answer isn’t to flip out on him and hurt him back, it’s just to completely stop engaging with him. And if you’re looking for another job, it better be to further your career.
That’s the thing, I don’t think I can get a job better than this one. So, I’m stuck here for the moment. But yeah, I know he’ll keep playing his games and that’s what I want to avoid. Like why, if I told you yesterday to not talk to me again do you show up at the same exact time you know where I’ll be?
At first I didn’t flip out on him I tried to explain how I felt and his only response was “ok”. To my messages about never talking to me again he didn’t even reply anything. How can I be with someone whose only reply to a matter like this is “ok”?
I think you’re evaluating his actions in the context of a normal, rational human being, and he’s just not. There’s something wrong inside of him, and he’s dangerously manipulative. It seems like it’s all about him. His interactions with you are attention-seeking and ego-stroking. Stop playing right into it.
I want to warn you again that he is exactly the type of guy who will deliberately rub it in your face in the most hurtful way possible when he starts seeing someone else. Anticipate that. Stay strong. Do not show that you give a shit.
And sure, put your feelers out, look at other jobs, but dont make a non-strategic move just to get away from him.
@ale, I’m so sorry! It sucks. And he totally sucks. Don’t beat yourself up over this. I do hope this was the final straw you needed to completely disengage from this asshat.
I definitely think you should put feelers out there for a new job. Partly to get away from him, but also so you feel in control. Even if nothing pans out, I bet that feeling of actively dong something for yourself will make you feel a little better. Good luck!
And @ver, I too, am sorry about the job. That sucks.
I am sorry you had to go through yet another manipulation by your psychopathic ex boyfriend, Ale. And he IS a psychopath for continually messing with your mind and your heart. You deserve better and need to block him on all forms of contact. And I do think you should look for a new job, even if it is not necessarily better for your career (shouldn’t be a step down though!). This is a toxic environment for you. He’s taunting you. You can also go to HR, but that’s up to you.
I think it’d be hard to argue harassment here, if it’s stuff like, showing up in the breakfast room at the same time as you. Even if you asked him not to talk to you and he says hi, I don’t think workplace harassment policies would cover that kind of thing. Before doing anything like that, I’d do a quick consultation with an employment lawyer to get advice on how to proceed. JUST for advice, not for any legal action.
Yeah being in the same room at the same time because of work – not harassment.
But if she’s asked him to leave her alone outside of that and he keeps pushing for more during work hours outside of the scope of work – is that harassment?
I actually think if anyone is making you feel uncomfortable at work, it’s grounds for reporting to HR. If I were you, I would just start documenting any incidents like this. It can’t hurt. He is dangerous and could be baiting you to build his own case. I don’t trust this guy. At all.
