DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Just read Wendy’s post in another thread about things to do before moving in together…
“5. Be in agreement about potential future steps in your relationship, like marriage and kids, and when you’d like for those to happen.”
That’s basically the discussion I’m having with my boyfriend right now. I’m making sure we’re in agreement about marriage and children before I make any decisions about moving across the world.
So Awkward Texter responded yesterday morning saying he had fun, too, and we texted a bit about the party he went to and what we were both up to yesterday. Still no second date planned, but he made a comment about one. So, I’ll reach out to him in a few days about it if I haven’t heard from him first. I still find his texting style super formal so he’s not someone I care to have a drawn out text conversation with. Ha.
@Copa hopefully he actually asks you out. I’ve sort of found that if a guy doesn’t actually take the initiative to specifically ask you out again, it means he’s not super interested.
Eh, I mean, I’m fine asking him out on a second date. If we go out again and he shows no interest after that, yeah, I’ll pull back and see what happens.
@MissDre that all sounds super exciting! I wasn’t kosher with my LDR moving close if we weren’t on the same path of lets plan on engaged and married within like two years or so. We sat down and had a super serious talk about what HIS timeline looks like to him. This was after he took me ring shopping this weekend. So….I think some changes are in the mist!
I personally would maybe get engaged before moving but not necessarily married if the commitment is something you want Dre. Things sound great now but living together full time in a new country is a whole different ball game. If things don’t pan out an engagement is a lot easier to break off than a marriage. Plus your assets and whatever are protected and you have time to progress to marriage within that six month window if all goes well!
I’m with Ange on the matter of being engaged prior to moving in with him, but not married. You may disagree, but I don’t think you’d have all the knowledge and experience of him that you need in order to make a marriage decision until you’ve spent a significant chunk of everyday life with him, day in and day out, not just visits where he may be going to work during the week that you’re there. I think going over there with an engagement commitment gives you enough official-ness but doesn’t lock either of you in while you figure out your life together.
Thanks for the feedback, guys. I’m not making any big decisions yet. I told him that we should talk about engagement after Christmas and that I wouldn’t be ready to move until next summer. We haven’t agreed on anything, just that we should talk about it in person.
So, lots of time to think things over 🙂
Yeah engaged before a move is good but not marriage. Things were rough go with my LDR when we first moved in. We are still learning. I don’t think tossing a marriage on top of that would have been wise for he and I. There were for sure a few days (and still will be for a bit) that I go “WHY ARE YOU HERE AGAIN?” I think him moving here and having his own place might have helped but it didn’t really work for us that way. We went from 0 to 60 from day 1 with him here.
That said, I’m glad he’s here and I love that he’s here and he’s worth the adjustment.
Well, my boyfriend got back from his trip yesterday (it was a political activism conference) and last night he broke up with me over the phone.
He says he wants to really devote himself to his political activism and he doesn’t know how to prioritize a relationship. He’s also working and going back to school and has an autoimmune disease that makes everything harder, which he knows I would have supported.
I’m blindsided and crushed. ???? I know this means he just doesn’t see value in prioritizing ME, which really stings. I feel like he doesn’t know what he’s giving up. ???? He was so eager to be with me and everything was really good – seriously zero red flags – until he went on this trip. I am so heartbroken. I really feel like I can’t keep doing this. I’m in my mid-30s and this just keeps happening. If I can’t trust that a man who pursues and prioritizes me from the get-go is going to stick around, who on earth can I trust?
