DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Yeah, a guy friend of mine actually said the same thing, @Dre, basically that when he feels more comfortable/settled, the non-stop contact drops off because he no longer feels like he needs to remind anyone that he exists. So I hope that’s what’s happening! I’ve been dating C.T. for a month now, I’ve lost track of how many dates we’ve been on (which, for whatever reason, I think is a good thing). It hasn’t been long, but everything seems to be heading in the right direction… but I keep worrying that we’re creeping up on the 2-3 month mark, which is when the guy typically bolts (often without a word).
I’m not sure when that fear goes away… it’s hard to recondition your brain after so many shitty dating experiences, isn’t it?
I didn’t even really realize I was so affected. I’m anxious, generally-speaking, but I feel my dating anxiety has actually gotten eXtreme. The past couple guys who flat-out disappeared on me were earlier this year, in winter and spring, and with those two I thought things were going really well. But nope! So I think I trust my instincts less. And truly, it’s annoying — I’m sure some of the things I think/feel would be a huge turn-off to me if I noticed them in someone I’m dating.
Fuck, I’m sorry, @copa.
ETA: at least you can trust your gut, but being anxious won’t change someone’s feelings. And I guess it’s good he didn’t ghost but it still sucks.
Yeah, I dunno. I’m pretty disappointed. I’m glad he at least said something. I guess I really did think things were going really well. Our last date was so much fun! (For me, anyway.) Now he’s saying he doesn’t think he’s where he should be emotionally, and thinks it’s best to cancel. So. Guess he didn’t like me that much! His office is kitty corner from mine, and he lives maybe half a mile from me, so there’s a solid chance we’ll bump into one another.
@Copa shiiiit. Wtf. I’m sorry. I mean, yeah, it’s great that he was honest I guess. But still feels like kind of a dick move that he sends you that text like two days after spending the night together.
Did he really have no idea he wasn’t into it before that?
Reminds me of this guy I was SOOOO into. Then we slept together for the first time. And that same night, the last thing he said to me was “I really like you.”
And then he ghosted and I never heard from him again.
Dating sucks.
Ugh I’m so sorry, @Copa. That sucks. 🙁 I hope you have fun with A.T. this weekend and that will help cheer you up a bit. *internet hugs*
Y’know, when I was with my most recent ex everything seemed to be going extremely well but inside I was terrified he was going to break up with me. I chalked it up to being treated badly by so many guys in the past and I even sought out a therapist to talk about my issues so as not to bring them into our relationship (I’m still seeing the therapist regularly). And then it turned out that he did break up with me, so I guess I was right.
As for me, I’ve been doing a lot of standup comedy (I’ve done 3 open mics so far!) and I’ve written a lot of material. I’m making a ton of new friends – both men and women, but mostly women, and I might even be on the cusp of having a “comedy girl squad” which is awesome! I have zero desire to date right now. The idea of going through all that makes my stomach turn. People ask me how I have time to do standup comedy with working full-time and taking care of my dog etc, and I joke that I took all the time I was spending trying to find a boyfriend on OKCupid and channeled it into standup cause I was getting zero ROI on the former. Funniest part is…it’s actually true.
I feel positively decadent doing something that I love that’s just for me and getting to hang out with some amazingly supportive and deep people along with it. It’s like free therapy and making people laugh at the same time. I’m really excited for the upcoming months as I get even better. 🙂
I’m glad I have therapy soon. My immediate reaction to this was remembering that friend I mentioned who told me I could stand to lose 10 lbs.
Chiming in as someone who has been lurking for ages, but used to comment here: Copa, I’m really sorry that happened. My best consolation is, at least you didn’t waste more time on him than you did? It’s so frustrating though! 🙁
Can I tell you a semi-funny/bizarre story that happened to me a couple of days ago? Ok, here goes. Backstory: Around august of last year I went on 3-4 dates with a guy. It was fun, we slept together too, and I did like him enough as far as I knew him. Then, he disappeared on me. I wasn’t terribly sad about it, but it was certainly frustrating because it had happened to me a lot. About a month later, I randomly get a text from him. He wanted to see me; said he was sorry for dropping off (blamed grad school), etc. Wanted to get together. I was pretty over it, but was naively curious about what he wanted. He comes over, and all he wants is to have sex. Like, basically no pretense even. I was like, uhhh, huh? Sorry, not interested. Told him that he was awfully presumptuous for thinking I was still interested after all that time after he ghosted me. He eventually left, I deleted his number. Then, three days ago, I get a random text from a number I don’t recognize, basically saying, “Hi Moneypenny! How have you been? Hope you are doing well!” I decided that before saying, “new phone, who dis?” that I would attempt to figure out who it was. I ended up typing the number into the Facebook search bar, and guess who popped up? Same guy from a year ago. We are not friends and I pretty clearly rejected him at the time and told him why. WTF. Although I am again curious what could possibly be going through his head to inspire him to text me, I have not responded.
Yeah, I’m a little sad, but primarily I feel frustrated. I thought he’d be the guy to break the pattern of short relationships I’ve been going through for what feels like a million years, if I’m being really honest. We had a lot in common and that was fun and exciting. But nope! Same old shit.
Also, I dunno why, but whenever I get a rejection that starts with the guy telling me how wonderful I am — which is how today’s rejection went — it makes me feel more sad. Like, clearly I’m not as great as you’re telling me I am if you’re rejecting me.
The guys who reappear after things have effectively ended, I’ve stopped responding to. I have, in the past, given second chances or otherwise responded to see what they want. It never ends well. One guy, when he popped back up, just sent me pics of his sister’s dog with no text.
