DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Lol, I don’t have any “athleisure” shoes. I have sneakers I wear to the gym and then a bunch of ballet flats, boots, and heels to wear to work, out, etc. If I run errands I wear my sneakers or ballet flats. Like this morning, I wore ballet flats with yoga pants to brunch.
I wanted something sturdier than ballet flats but didn’t want to wear my gym shoes to the bonfire. 🙂
I should also mention this bonfire is in the middle of a field and we are going to be sitting on a moving blanket. Hence the “sturdier” part. 🙂
Re, type: So, I will say that me, most of my friends and a few close cousins all found and married the anti-frat boy. They’re all slightly nerdy in different ways. Some are Athletic. Most are extremely social and can command a room. Only two are into the “strategy” games. They all like to watch and attend sporting events. They get along with everyone. We all like hanging out at a bar and grabbing drinks. They know their beer and liquor. And they’re all either in the medical profession, engineering or computer sciences. Just saying.
It might be worth it to try outside of “type.”
I had a friend that was really into pretty boy d-bags. Like, that’s all she dated and it sucked for her. She finally stepped outside her comfort zone and I was in her wedding last week!!!!
@Copa, I’m sorry and the whole thing sucks. I can’t get over the fact that he dumped you right after spending the night with you. That’s a really dick move. That alone should be the sign for you to find out that your “type” is not working.
Thanks @Cleo! How are things going with your guy? Also I’m just wondering, on a separate topic, when you were living with your parents, how did you deal with dating? My parents were pretty strict in high school (though I didn’t have any reason to test their limits) and they have chilled since then, but I don’t want to, like, disrespect them (which I haven’t done at all) while living in their house.
How did your date go with A.T. last night @Copa? I hope it helped take your mind off everything.
FWIW, a lot of engineers I know always want to *fix* things and sometimes it’s productive but sometimes I just want to chat. /generalizing! M.G. is an engineer and he’s fine so far on that front.
Hahaha, @LadyE, I love the idea of a Traumedy Bonfire! I think I would’ve ended up Converses but I also have a limited fashion sense.
On our date Friday night M.G. brought up that we’ve been dating for almost two months and sweetly asked if I expected that this would go on for two months. I said I didn’t know because I didn’t have many expectations going into this, in a good way (because in mind I’m like because this is online dating!). He said he really enjoyed the last two months with me and is looking forward to seeing where this goes. I said ok and then a “me too”.
I know we skirted the exclusivity issue. I’ve essentially said here I was still figuring out my feelings on him (but it is trending towards a yes right now) but part of me thinks if we can just say we are exclusive, it’ll be easier for me to be more vulnerable and feel my feelings. Slash maybe I just want to know he isn’t seeing other women? I don’t think he is but I have no idea. Is that messed up?
I think this is coming from a place of a colleague of mine started dating a guy from online a month before me and I’m just comparing timelines of everything, and *that* I know is stupid. We had a colleague’s wedding last night and it was lovely. But it’s a small workplace and everybody is up in everybody’s business (coming from a good place, mostly, since many are personal friends), and it’s like ahhhggg.
@hfantods A.T. and I had fun last night! We went to a bar with some of his friends to watch our college football teams play each other, then to another bar after, then back to my place for a bit. It was pretty late by that point, and he and I were both exhausted, so he only stayed for a little while. His friends love me and invited me out with them next weekend. Haha. Glad things are going well with your guy!
To me, the stereotypical engineer personality is logical and analytical. I admittedly do find many engineers a bit socially awkward (with software engineers taking the cake). I know it’s a sweeping generalization, and I don’t mean it as a slight, but I’ve been out with a lot of consultants and they tend to be more people-oriented/charming. A.T. is a mechanical engineer, but travels a lot in a sorta consulting role, and I can see both sides in him (number-oriented guy, but also someone who has to interact with all kinds of people on the job).
I can usually tell off the bat if a guy was in a frat in college. There’s just a quality that I can’t quite pinpoint. I don’t think I really date bro-y guys, but whatever that “frat” quality is, a lot of them have it. I think it’s the sociable and charmer qualities that I’m drawn to. The guys I end up liking always have substance and soft, nerdy sides.
In any case, I’ve moved from sad to feeling fairly stupid. I really thought he and I were on the same page. Last week, he asked me to come downstairs on my lunch break so we could say hi and spend a short bit of time together. Why wouldn’t I think, with gestures like that, that he was emotionally interested on some level? So, yeah, feeling quite dumb.
Stop feeling stupid. He shouldn’t be doing shit like that if he’s not feeling it emotionally. A nice, self-aware person would be mindful of sending mixed signals.
I completely understand Copa, and it used to make me so frustrated and angry when I was dating… how guys would do and say all these things that to me were indicators that they liked me as much as I liked them… and then the next minute they’d disappear leaving me baffled, confused, hurt and rejected.
@hfantods Things are still going really well 🙂 We hit the 3 month mark and are both on the same page with regards to enjoying our budding relationship and continuing to see each other when we can. I am in Calgary for NYE, so I mentioned to him wanting to do something. If we continue to see each other well into the New Year, my spending the evening with him will be the first NYE spent with a guy I am dating! Although I don’t hold much weight to the day, I have wanted to just celebrate it at least once with a guy to have that ‘night out.’
When I dated at home it was definitely difficult because my room was given to my younger brother, and I was essentially living in the basement, which had little privacy due to it being a second living room in the house. I think my parents at the time had a rule that my brothers and I were not allowed ‘sleepovers.’ However, I was fortunate that I could stay the night at the guys places as they had more privacy than me. I tried keeping my dating life as private as possible, they have only ever met 2 of the men I have dated. They were understanding of my dating and allowed me use of the vehicles, and the rare time I did bring a guy over that I was dating I was given privacy in the basement room (the basement is open concept so there is no separation of uses, so no doors to close except for the main one leading to the stairs to go down to the basement). I never had sex at my house, it was always at the guys. So I avoided that line being crossed. At the end of the day, I think once situations come up with your guy and having him over it is good to broach the subject and ask what your parents are okay with (having him over for a movie night, sleepovers, making dinner together etc.). I imagine they understand you are a grown woman and have a social life, but it can be hard when it’s not your space either. Also, if either one of you has cars, I definitely had many an evening there with a guy. Or if your parents are willing to do a night out and then letting you two have the house to yourselves for a few hours that can maybe be possible? Otherwise my parents were understanding and never bothered me about dating as I think they also wanted to keep some space between my private life and them. As long as I returned the vehicle in good working order after each date, and didn’t have sleepovers, all good!
@Copa Don’t feel stupid. There would be no way for you to know. My most recent ex asked me to meet his mother the following week before he went out of town, then came back from being out of town and decided to end our relationship because he said he didn’t have time to be in a relationship as serious as ours. I did that whole thing too, wondering where I missed the signs that he wasn’t invested, but I’ve been dating for awhile now and he honestly didn’t give me any.
“I admittedly do find many engineers a bit socially awkward (with software engineers taking the cake)”
When I was working in silicon valley, a lady friend of mine mentioned the phrase “the odds are good but the goods are odd”
