DW Community Catch-up Thread
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So… when I decide I need a recharge weekend, I also decide to stay off social media. It helps! You can concentrate on you and not feel like you’re missing out on anything. Something to try for future low key weekends.
No me but my friend who is actually getting married this weekend met her near-husband on twitter. She’s Canadian (not sure if that matters but it would make her stand out a little here in Aus I guess) and she just had the most amazing strike rate. She’s very attractive but that wasn’t it because there are plenty of gorgeous young women where we lived. She’d go on the date and they’d all turn into relationships until she shut them down. Nobody ever ghosted her or dumped her.
Honestly I think it’s because she’s SO self confident and she’d agree to the date but she’d have these really strict rules. She wouldn’t even hold hands until date 5 with some of them. Now I’m not saying that to get guys you have to withhold sex or anything like that but the kind of confidence she had to say ‘these are the rules, you will go along with them or you don’t get the gift of any more of my time’ is no doubt very tantalising. She knew her worth and she made sure they knew it too.
Online dating is pretty rough. It’s not hopeless but you do have to do some wading and weeding out the people who are less than stellar. I did it for about 3 years before I went offline and got set up by a friend. I went into that set up with zero expectations and I often ask myself how I landed such a great guy.
During my time online dating I took several breaks, I would swipe daily, I would message and meet quickly and weed out those awful ones quickly. A few I would get too hung up on. I got told I was being too picky ALL THE TIME. I’m sorry but wanting him to have be respectful, have a job and ambition, similar goals as me, and be somewhat attracted to wasn’t being too picky. I was actually embarrassed to online date, but I wish I had a friend review my profile every so often. I am almost guessing I didn’t come across great in it. I used (1) Tinder, (2) Hinge, (3) Bumble, (4) EHarmony, (5) Plenty of Fish, (6) Match, (7) Coffee Meets Bagel, (8) Zoosk before you had to pay. There’s a video that my SIL sent me when I was single
https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_webb_how_i_hacked_online_datingThings I wish I knew more when I was single – (1) Guys do silly things for women, we really have the upper hand. (2) Guys can smell desperation from a mile away and even the nicest will take advantage. (3) Compliment the guy when you’re out [you look nice, you smell nice, you have a great smile, something like that] and he’ll be even more putty in your hands. (4) If you decide to pass on a dude, pass and let him down gently if necessary.
To all the ladies online dating still – it’s not hopeless….it just sometimes feels that way. When it feels like that, maybe take a couple days off. It’ll always be there.
The thing is, I’ve met some guys who I’ve thought were great. So I do believe that there are great guys out there to be found, even on online dating. They just don’t stick around. (One, I ended things with because he was a consultant and I just didn’t feel like our relationship was meeting my needs after 5-6 months of dating with his travel-heavy schedule. He was gone often, sometimes for a couple weeks at time, and it just wasn’t working for me. I didn’t feel like my emotions were where they should’ve been after that length of time.)
Hearing about all the experiences people have while online dating has a plus side. I think I am picky so when I decide to start dating again, I feel like I will be able to find out faster when guys are playing games. I’ve heard enough stories. I really don’t want to be playing games with people at 32. I can’t stand thinking about being ghosted or led on. I know what I want now so I guess that’s the plus side.
On a side note – I still want to punch people when they say stupid crap like “You’ll find it when you’re least expecting it” “You’ll find it when you stop looking” to my single friends. I make a point to not use those lines.
Just stop.
@TheHizzy I don’t hear that, but I do hear “You have to put yourself out there!” All. The. Time. And it’s like, please, stop saying that as if I don’t already do that. I *do* put myself out there, if for no other reason than it’s the only thing I feel I have control over in my dating life. I have a lot of stories of disappointment to prove it. I’m sure some of you may be familiar with Mari Andrew, and this is exactly how I feel sometimes: https://www.instagram.com/p/BRnyULcgSAi/
@Ale Lately — like, in the past month — I’ve heard a LOT of that. “Don’t worry. You’ll find someone. You’re very pretty.” By friends, a well-intentioned former co-worker, and even two semi-creepy cab drivers! (Haha.) I mean, THANK YOU! But, also, please stop saying that. It makes me feel worse.@Ale I hated when I got told “you’re still single? But you’re so pretty!” Yeah….because looks is the only thing needed for a relationship.
Yeah, lots of bullshit comes with dating. Just remember to take it worth a grain of salt. I’m glad I did as much dating as I did. It made knowing when the boyfriend came around I was ready (with his kids or not).
Lots of bullshit comes with life in general… for instance, when you are in a relationship, it’s “when are you getting married, when are you moving in together, etc.” Then when you’re married, it’s “When are you going to have kids? Are you changing your name? Why aren’t you doing either? You’ll regret both.” Then when you have kids, it’s the bazillion other questions.
