DW Community Catch-up Thread
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My husband texted me a lot when we first met. He’s a communicator. I let him know I couldn’t text that much and didn’t have an unlimited plan, and he cut back to a level I was comfortable with.
I get that, Ale. But remember, guys aren’t on there to meet friends. They are going to assume you want to date/hook up, and they’re going to do those behaviors that you say you’re not able to deal with. Just be aware and prepared.
I agree with @Kate. Guys on the app are there to date, ladies on the app are there to date. You can just “talk” to some of them but they’re going to want to date or hook up. If you’re not ready, there’s no rush. I swiped before I was ready to date and I missed out on some potential guys because of my stupidity.
Every once in awhile, I’ll see a profile on one of the dating apps that says they’re just looking for friends. And it always seems weird to me, because why seek out friendships on a dating site? Like, why are you specifically looking for opposite gender friends? I’m open to friendships with dates that don’t work out if we have a lot in common but no romantic feelings, but I wouldn’t be going out one-on-one with a guy to make friends.
Lots of interesting discussion here. My sister met her husband off Plenty of Fish (known to be the sketch one in our area, haha) seven years ago. She had been online dating for about a couple months and went out with less than 10 guys. I think her husband had just joined and she was maybe the first and only girl he met. So it just worked out for them.
For me, I signed up on OKC on a whim five years ago. Went out on my first date ever, which went well and I naively thought it was all so easy, went on a second and realized I was not into him. Didn’t use the site until two years later and by then (2014) Tinder was becoming less of a hook up app so I got that. Still didn’t go on a first date until spring 2015. Since then I’ve been on maybe 10-11 first dates. I filter really hard. Also my OKC profile was probably never the best (hate talking about myself) and I’m cute but not a bombshell. So I didn’t get that many messages. Of those ten, I think 2 went to second date, 2 went to a third date and one to five dates and then the guy I’m seeing now…!
So just wanted to share some happier updates! The cottage was really nice. It was a beautiful place to getaway. This was the longest we spent together, like 48 hours, but other people were there of course. We spent 7 hours in total in the car and basically talked throughout both silly and more serious stuff. I’m curious to know if there are certain questions I should be asking around the two month mark. We haven’t talked kids because I don’t totally know my own position.
I’m constantly checking to make sure I’m not doing this because I want to be in a relationship, especially since this is my first one. He’s kind and basically a good “starter relationship”, as in he’s a nice guy in general and understanding. I don’t mean it pejoratively. I need this comfort but I don’t want to “use” him. The physical attraction continues to grow. He’s not unattractive and there are certain features of him that I find hot. I just wouldn’t pick him out on the street. It’s like how Lianne phrased it — there’s a certain “magnetism”.
Overall, still seeing how this goes and having fun. Maybe a little thing is learning how guys act around each other. We went to his friend’s birthday dinner straight from the cottage. I was tired but I’m glad I went and I think the friend appreciated it. M.G. is kind of immature with his friend though and they constantly rib each other, though I think M.G. instigates more. I think this is a guy thing? I’ve noticed M.G. is polite and good with waiters and service people in elevators for example so it’s not that he’s only nice to me and rude to others not that he’s rude to his friend.
Two months in you can get into the semi-heavier questions as long as you guys are heading towards the exclusive state. At two months in my BF and I had discussed kids (because I feel so strongly one way) and future plans (because we were long distance).
On a lighter note I would ask him why is best friend was his best friend. What he was like in high school. How life was 5 years ago compared to now. Where he saw himself in the future. Where he would like to travel to. What would be a vacation spot he’d want to take me to.
Stuff like that where you’re light but still learning about past him/future him/see how he plans.
@hfantods It sounds like you’re overthinking things! There’s no rule about what you should or shouldn’t be talking about two months in. You’re still learning about them, and trying to figure out if you’re compatible and if your longer-term goals align. @TheHizzy has some good things ideas about the kinds of things you can asked. (I actually love asking people what they were like in high school, haha.) As far as when to talk about kids, I’ve talked to dates about kids as early as the first date! I put myself in the “uncertain about kids” category. I’m pretty sure one guy I went out with, who was 40 and divorced and definitely wanted kids, weeded me out after one date because my answer was all, “Erm, not sure, maybe?” And that’s fine.
Thanks Hizzy and Copa 🙂 We’ve chatted about high school (I think I got that from you a while ago too!). These are all sort of questions we have chatted about which is reassuring! Wrt vacation he actually talked about what islands I’d want to visit and places we want to travel to, and then a few moments later he taked about how he needs to start planning vacation for next year. I mean I don’t think we are really thinking about vacations together at this point but that sure planted a seed.
Alright, on scale of 1-10, how excited should I be for a second date with someone? My date from Sunday wants to go out again. I thought he was nice and attractive, but I am also thinking we’ve already come close to exhausting all we have to talk about, so I’m not excited. Seems kinda dumb to pass on him this quickly since he seems like a genuinely nice guy, but I also feel like… I mean, I just wanna be a LITTLE excited.
I don’t think it’s about “how excited,” I think it’s about, do I *not want* to go on a second date with this guy? Can I not see myself kissing him, ever? Can I not see myself at some point introducing him as my boyfriend?
I mean, I think he’s attractive, so yeah, I’d kiss him. He seemed shy and a bit uncomfortable last time, so I think it’s worth going out with him again to see if familiarity makes things feel a little easier, but I suppose I’m worried about forcing the conversation for two hours.
