DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Yep, I get that too. I think she understands that too, which is why she’s so upset, but she’s rationalizing all these reasons why she shouldn’t throw the relationship away because of how great he is etc etc.
@TheLadyE sounds like he’s already told her everything she needs to hear, but I get being the older sibling whose voice is ignored. Frankly, if you’re going to let your parents have veto power in your adult relationships, you probably shouldn’t even start down that path with anybody who doesn’t fit their standards. Of course, he probably just wants to fool around out of their sight without having to stand up to them about his decisions when he gets serious with someone
@Copa yeah, the whole situation was just ridiculous and unnecessary
Anyways, a hiking buddy / former FWB will be passing through my city next weekend, so I have some casual uncomplicated fun to look forward to
Woah, yeah, that’s kind of nuts. Crying yourself to sleep over a guy you’ve been dating for two weeks because he says he’s going to break up with you in eight months when he introduces you to his parents and they tell him they don’t approve? How do you hear that and not MOA right outta that situation?
@nickel_5 Such a good point – my sister asked him why he would even start dating her if he knew this already, and he was basically like “You’re cute, you’re smart, I wasn’t expecting to like you but I do so I think we should date and not worry about my family right now”. Not very forward thinking, which is why I thought it had to do with maturity.
Or he’s just a self-centered jerk…
Saying he’s immature implies he may grow up if she waits around.
Or, y’know, garden variety selfishness on his part. Let’s not discount that either.
She should definitely MOA; I think she’s having trouble with that now because she has strong feelings for him.
Also, how can she say it’s inexperience/immaturity when it sounds like he literally dumped his last girlfriend for not being what his parent-approved? He’s done it before! Hopefully she comes to her senses and moves on sooner rather than later!
I’m not the older sibling, but I “get” what it can be like trying to give your sibling dating advice. My sister best friend is a guy she met on OKC. They went out on a few dates, but he said he wasn’t interested in dating anyone cause he was still into his ex. My sister developed feelings for him and told him a few times, but he always feeds weird lines (e.g., “I’m confused about how I feel about you!”). I’ve told her a few times that if he wanted to be dating her, they’d be dating. End of story. She still seems to be waiting around for him to change his mind, and will tell me I don’t understand their friendship when I tell her she should meet new friends. (Like, I think it’s fine to be friends with the guy, but I also feel like they need more boundaries.) Anyway, then when C.T. ended things with me a couple weeks ago her actual advice was, “Be friends and make him miss you.” Um. WHAT!? And, also, no. It sucked that he ended things, but playing games won’t land me a loving relationship.
Thanks, Copa, it’s good to hear that. My sister is 7+ years younger and she has Very Strong Opinions. She does think she is superior to me in dating/choosing who to date (she’s thought all my exes were losers and had problems with my most recent ex solely because he is atheist. There were obviously problems with him, but that wasn’t it!) but in reality she is not superior, she just hasn’t been dating as long as I have. Now that she’s started to, the last guy she “fell for” (before this one) was a possible alcoholic with severe anger issues and who emotionally abused her during the entirety of their 2-month relationship. She has a lot to learn, as do we all, but I have given up giving advice because she gets angry at me.
As far as your sister…y’know, I did that for awhile back in my 20s (be “friends” with a guy I liked) and it got me jerked around a lot and I was never ended up with the guy. Shocker, I know.
If she wants her friend to miss her, he needs to do just that…miss her. If she’s constantly available as his “friend” he will very happily have his cake and eat it too…which I’m sure you know. :-/
I wonder if our fear of being alone is making us ignore the giant red flags waving across our faces. I think that’s happening in your sister’s case @LadyE.
I’m not dating either, so I have no stories but I have seen some recently. One friend was just telling me that she met a guy, has been dating him but she knows he is troubled. One time he showed up at her place totally wasted, spent the night and ended up peeing all over her bed. And she dumped him but now they are back together. This friend of mine is traumatized by alcohol, since her father was an alcoholic. She is seeing a counselor and one of her lines is always “my dad never stopped drinking for me”. So why date an alcoholic? It’s like a giant red flag that she is ignoring. It’s too difficult for a person to change, why do we think people will change for us?
Another friend of mine is dating a bisexual man. He is gay and only dates gay guys. But he started dating this man, is totally paranoid about being cheated on by him, not only with a man but with a woman. This man actually told him that he is no good, that he is bad for him, don’t date me, but they keep dating. What the hell is wrong with people? Then comes all the suffering and pain, for something that could have been totally avoidable.
OK, I once had a guy I had been on one date with come to my place for a party I was having, spent the night, and peed in my bed. Guess what! I never answered his calls again. That is so beyond anything anyone should ever put up with.
@Ale One of my friends was raised by just her mom because her dad straight up abandoned them when she was five years old. She’s been in a years-long on-and-off relationship with her boyfriend. Maybe two years ago, they moved in together. She’s a consultant and travels a lot for work. During a rough patch, he moved out without a word while she was on a business trip. She came home to a half-empty apartment. It was like the ultimate ghosting! Like her dad, he straight up abandoned her! They didn’t have any contact for about six months, and she had no idea where he was living, until she caved and sent him an e-mail asking how he was doing. They got back together. I’m unsure their current status, but I am appalled she would give him another shot after he left without a word. It was his most egregious offense (that I am aware of), but I know it wasn’t the only egregious offense. This friend is great — she’s SO smart, super successful, kind, funny, passionate. She deserves a helluva guy! But when you look at her life, she’s really alone in life. She doesn’t have any family, really, not even the mom who raised her. So I do think the fear of being alone is a driving factor for her lousy romantic decision-making.
