DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Oh man I miss going on dates. We are on an extended dating hiatus right now due to lack of money, tons of stress, me having some health issues, and lack of time. Hoping that changes in the next few weeks, although it seems there is no rest for the wicked.
However, I did drink a margarita the size of my head on Saturday and it was delish. Navy Guy had to basically drag me out of the restaurant because there was what felt like an entire bottle of tequila in my drink. Poor dude.
@kare, you may or may not have any interest in the article, but your comment reminded me of it
http://apracticalwedding.com/2015/07/gave-dating-learn-date/
Are you going to stay in an ice hotel in Iceland?
Oh my god, kare, I’m so sorry. There is nothing worse than smug married or coupled friends telling you to get back out there and date. Take as long as you need to feel ready to date again. Dating sometimes sucks and if you need a break, that’s ok. I’m firmly believe that if you force yourself to do something you’re not really into at the moment, bad decisions are made. I think you’re much better off moving at your own pace and being happy with yourself. I think you should consider cultivating new friendships then move into dating.
I feel you. I really do. I’ve been exactly where you are… although my dating hiatus was up to a year and four of my married/engaged/coupled friends attacked me last spring. The thing was, I never complained about being single so I’m not sure where they were coming from. Anyway, I didn’t give into their pressure and join dating sites because I knew in my heart I wasn’t ready.
Anyway, I hope that helps you feel a little better.
I’m so sorry @Kare. That sucks so hard. I’ve been stood up before and you have to remember, it’s not about you. Something was going on for that guy that he couldn’t show up and be a decent human being.
Your next birthday is going to be better already! You date when you’re ready.
As for my “problems” after sleeping on it I’m now wondering if I should even say anything to lawyer guy. This is very confusing. Dating is very confusing lol.
I am not dating right now (except for the casual thing with Navy Guy, which ends when I go home to Ontario), but maybe in the fall/new year. See how life pans out! I am looking forward to it, but also dreading the process of online dating.
I have a date at the airport tonight. My girlfriend has been gone for 3 weeks and I’m going to go pick her up. I feel like we are proof that Tinder can work.
Interested in other people’s input as well, but here’s how I see the pros and cons of asking him what he’s looking for (right now, as opposed to waiting a bit).
Pro: It may ease your anxiety and need to know what’s going on, because he may give you a clear “yes, I’m really into this, I want what you want,” or he may say, “you know what, I like you but I don’t think there’s chemistry.”
Pro: It may help move things forward, to figure out if your’e on the same page and both looking for the same thing.
Con: It’s very very possible that it’s just too soon for him to know right now where he sees things going with you. Particularly since there hasn’t been anything physical yet. So you may be prematurely forcing an answer, which if you gave him more time to think and formulate might be different than it is today. For example, what if he’s seeing a few people right now and trying to narrow down? Or he’d like to have some making out first before he can really know. It’s possible that if you ask him right now and he feels like you need an answer, his answer is more “not sure” than “yes.” And what do you do with that? It doesn’t help with your anxiety at all.
Con: Even if he did give you a “yes” or “maybe” answer right now, it’s not going to help with that anxiety you feel when he’s not in touch / a few days go by without hearing from him. You’ll still be worrying about that.
So, net, if all of this is really just a way to try to ease your anxiety, I don’t know if it’s gonna work. He MAY be able to give you a pretty clear answer one way or the other, or he may not, but you’ll still be anxious.
Thinking it over, I think I’d advocate for waiting a little longer AND taking your hands off the wheel a little bit and watching his behavior. That could tell you a lot, and help inform your decision about what and when to ask.
But if you think about all this and you feel like you NEED to ask the question now, it’s absolutely fine to do so.
From my limited experience, guys tend to let you know pretty well if they’re keen. Seven dates in and no real physical contact? That seems a bit iffy to me. But of course there are guys out there that prefer to take it slow, what do I know?
I think @Kate’s spot on, ease off and see if he asks you out?
Yes I’m with kate and Nookie as well. The lack of planning and kissing would seem odd to me. Would you say it usually takes you this long to kiss someone you’re dating? Or does he feel like he’s moving at a snails pace. Has he put effort in to any of your dates?
I would let go of the planning here and see what happens. If there are no dates planned on his end and no kissing, then I would bring something up. Because to me at that point it would seem more like a friendship. At some point you have to move on and find someone who wants to kiss you.
Let’s see if I can remember. Dates one and two he planned. Three and four were my ideas. 5 was a lunch date, his idea. 6 was a day that I picked and an activity he picked. So I guess an equal amount of planning but I do think maybe I’ve prompted a bit more? If that makes sense?
As for the kissing, I’ve done this before. My last ex took 8 dates to kiss me because I absolutely SUCK at making the first move, so this isn’t foreign territory, just somewhat disappointing. I could be wrong, But I do think that some of it might be that he’s a very private person and would never do public displays of affection (that’s just the vibe I’m picking up from him) so other than the last date where I didn’t pick up the signals, I think part of the reason for lack of kissing has been lack of private location to do so.
I could be way off on all of this, that’s just the sense that I have.
