DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I wouldn’t use “felt compelled to kiss him” as a gauge of second date or not, but if you were really bored and felt no interest at all, then nah.
One of my friends is now engaged to a guy who she described as “blah” after their first date, and when I asked what was “blah” about him she said she “didn’t like the whole package.” Sure, I’ve had an eyebrow raised about their relationship pretty much the entire time, due in part to her initial reaction to him/the reasons she cited for going out with him again/how weirdly codependent they are, but she certainly does seem happy.
@shakeourtree if you KNOW he’s not the one, don’t go out with him again. It’s a waste of time (his and yours) and doesn’t feel very good in the end. I’ve been there.
If it was just “meh” and you don’t think there’s anything wrong with him but you just weren’t all that excited, I’d say give it a second date. By the end of the second date, I’m sure you KNOW if he’s not the one. Or, could be you’ll find something new and intriguing about him!
If you’re still “meh” after 2 dates, I wouldn’t force it.
Not to belabor the point but if you have been off the market for while it’s not unusual to take a litle while to relax and respond to the process the same way.So there is something to be said for maybe being more willing to go on new or second dates than you would otherwise.
I had several long term relationships with people who I met in non dating situations with whom I did not feel a super strong connection initially.
I was hard to impress on first dates. I always figured how the relationship would fail in the future, not very smart. So, often I’d do one date and call it at that.
I’d give it one more date, but only if you’re going go in with an open mind. If you’ve already shut it down in your mind, you’ll just be wasting each other’s time.
It literally took *5 dates* for my now husband and I to kiss (then it basically went from zero to sixty, ha).
The big difference I see between my situation and this one, though, is that I had such a great time with him on every date and really looked forward to seeing him again. And I WANTED to kiss him. It was evident that we both reallllly liked each other and enjoyed all of our dates but both suffered from big nerves — and he and I both had similar, traumatic long-term relationship break-ups previously and were abundantly cautious about putting ourselves out there emotionally.
@shakeourtree How did you meet this guy? I ask because I’ve definitely found myself increasingly attracted to men I didn’t have a strong connection with or attraction to on first meeting, but these have almost exclusively been men I met going about my daily life (e.g., in class at school, work). One guy I dated for a couple months last fall, I was unsure of him for the first 3-4 dates — he wasn’t really my type and was actually overwhelming me because he started texting me daily off the bat — but I had a great time every time, so I kept saying yes to more dates. Even though I knew I was having a great time/enjoying his company, it took me a bit longer to definitively feel like yes, I liked him. On the other hand, there have been meh dates where I feel like I could go either way, and if I know I won’t feel disappointed or left wondering if we don’t go out again, I think it’s okay to leave it at one date.
I’m sorry ladies, for posting here again. I just don’t have anyone to talk to about my heartbreak. It’s only been a few days that my BF and I broke up and the hurt inside me hasn’t eased up. Today he texted me apologizing for what he has done and told me that he was sorry but that things weren’t going to workout. That he wasn’t talking or seeing anyone else that he just needed time alone. I don’t understand how people can change like that. A week before he had told me he wanted a life with me, that he was a grown man and didn’t want to waste his time. That he loved me. If he loved me why would he hurt me like this.
Thanks for the input, everyone. In the past, I’ve frequently gone on multiple dates when I wasn’t really feeling it and wasted a lot of time that way. So I’m trusting my gut this time and not bothering with a second date.
