DW Community Catch-up Thread
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D’aww, thank you! It was very wonderful, with friends, cake, wine and Indian food. And a tiny bit of nausea this morning.
Have you managed to stop the worry train yet? 🙂
And Monneypenny, I’d be a little annoyed, too. If someone asked me out I’d expect to hear a time and a place from them, without repeated prompting. Hopefully he’ll step up!
He did reply! He’s been slammed at work. Which was a reason that did cross my mind, so things are still on! Meanwhile, I found an awesome spot on airbnb for when I’m in Brooklyn in a few weeks. Hopefully I’ll get it. If not, there are others… (I’m so excited!!!) Ok, back to work. Thanks for listening, guys.
Happy belated, veritek and Liane!!
I also don’t think the 4-5 weeks thing is necessarily bad. It sucks, but it seems like he is legitimately busy. It’s hard to plan things that far in advance, I think, so he has time do some working out in his head how he wants to see you again. That said, after (if) you tell him that 4-5 weeks is too bad or something like that and in a couple days he doesn’t bring up an alternative meeting time, then maybe you can reevaluate.
Also want to add that ktfran, a note sounds lovely if you aren’t ready to say something spontaneously.
Relative to the question I asked last week, thanks again for your comments. Weirdly I don’t think he jumped into exclusitivity necessarily for sex (although maybe I am being naive and maybe that’s partly it). I know one of his friends is getting married and another close friend recently got engaged. So I almost get the feeling he wants to get into a exclusive relationship sooner than later because his friends are in really committed relationships. Which doesn’t make it better or worse but just how I am feeling this.
He said he was going to be out of town for the weekend that just passed so I made plans really for the whole weekend but then he cancelled the trip (it was raining and he was going to go camping). We talked on the phone though. I still haven’t “solved the problem” of whether I’m into him or not/is this moving too fast for me, but I’ll let you folks know how it works out.
Hope tonight’s date went well Money!!
Thanks, hfantods!
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders about this situation. I would just continue to pay attention to your feelings and figure out if this is someone you see a future with. And I would also try to get to the heart of why he wants to be exclusive – really honest and open communication this early on can be hard, but I think it’s important to know. Like, does he just prefer to be with one person at a time, even when evaluating what the long term potential is? I just think it is a lot of pressure early and you are still in that evaluation phase.
Money, how was your date??
Worrytrain update:
Tinder Teacher and I were talking Monday night and I just went ahead and told him that four weeks is a long time and maybe we could try to split the difference and I’d be happy to come halfway or all the way on a Sunday or Saturday night because I’d really like to see him again, but if it just really couldn’t happen that was okay and that he was worth the wait. He gave me smile and said that he would “try to figure something out”. So I’m choosing to see the positive in that and not freak out just yet. He also worked into the conversation that his friends know about me and that he showed the secretaries at work my picture and they think I’m cute. (ego boost)So I’ll hang back a bit and see what he “figures out.” Besides, I’m moving in three weeks so I’m a little busy too!
Money, I hope your date went well and I’d have been frustrated with no plans too!
‘I’ll hang back a bit and see what he “figures out.”’
That sounds like a wise thing to do:).
Are you keeping other options open, too, or just concentrating on the move for now?Moneypenny, how was your date?
hfantods, I don’t know where your thing is going to go, but you definitely sound like you’ll figure it out:)
Welp I think that’s great Veritek, you told him your needs and left the ball in his court to step up. Fingers crossed he does step up! Does that mean you got the new house?
@nookie yes 🙂 I close on both houses Oct 1.
As for keeping options open, right now I’m gonna focus on the move and on him. I haven’t like anyone this much in a really, really long time. I also haven’t felt so comfortable or connected to someone like this in maybe…ever? I know that’s super fast to say, but I’m just hopeful we can make it work. So If we don’t see each other for weeks and weeks I may have to reevaluate. But I don’t get the feeling he’s pawning me off.
I’m with you, Ver… I suck at playing the field. It’s much easier for me to date one person at a time. I feel like when you keep your options open, you could miss out on something great with someone you really like. Then, if things don’t work out, you’ll deal with it and move on. I think I could only do the keep options open thing if I wasn’t sure about someone in the first place.
Hopefully, he’ll come back soon with a suggestion to see one another before 4 – 5 weeks from now. Maybe you’ll be truly dating by Thanksgiving and will visit him that weekend and then we can meet! That’s my next trip home, I believe.
My date last night was pretty fantastic, per the usual. I didn’t spontaneously tell him my feelings, but we shared a few really lovely moments.
Veritek, I think if you’re busy and stressed with the move anyway, that makes sense.
Questions to ask yourself as you move forward: Is he just as likely to initiate conversations as before, and talk as much about the same kind of stuff? Before, he was saying things like he was excited to see you, looking forward to certain things, etc. Is he still saying things like that? Is he taking you up on your offer to come up on a Saturday night or Sunday or meet in the middle? I think that’s the big one. Or, after a little time has gone by, is he working with you to schedule the next weekend that you can fully spend together? Another big one.
If the answers to any or all of these are no, it’s not like you have to drop him or NOT see him in 4-5 weeks when he’s available and your move is over, but you should readjust your expectations. Because truly, after 3 dates, a guy who is interested will be doing all of the above. Yes, people get busy, but unless they’re going on a business trip for a month or something, they will make themselves available.
