Fun @Copa about your date tomorrow! And @ale, good luck getting out there in the dating world. Also, @Copa, I agree that ignoring the text was your best option. If it were me, I’d almost block the number at some point.

As for feeling anxious about running into an ex… I don’t think you can really put a time on it. There’s an ex I feel that way about. And a couple of friends. I get that flip flop feeling in my stomach if I think about running into him or her. Or, if I think I seem them in passing. I think it’s perfectly normal as long as you don’t let it get the better of you.

I don’t know what’s normal for “run-in anxiety.” I think mine is disproportional to the situation, but I was already an anxious person. For me, a lot of it is rooted in knowing encounters are inevitable, but not knowing when they’ll happen. The guy made me feel disposable and embarrassed with how avoidant he was, so it’s hard for me. It hasn’t happened yet, but I dread running into him with his girlfriend because I can’t help but feel like she’s better than me. I’m petty and hope they break up. Until last week, I was using my back entrance almost exclusively, but decided I need to be better than that. I lived there first, and I wasn’t the one acting like a jerk.

That is exciting you are trying Tinder, Ale!! Wishing you the best.

Sounds like a fun date Copa. It’s hard to believe she is better when he sounds like a dud.

This is OT, but you know how Copa’s ex’s wife (?) sometimes views Copa’s insta stories? Well this acquaintance from high school was on my “people you may know” list. I clicked her username just to see her profile (I don’t really mind that Instagram algorithm info whatever) but my fat fingers accidentally pressed her Insta stories circle! So now she probably thinks I’m creeping her, which a little bit, but not really at all!! Ugh, haha.

I don’t think yours is disproportional, @Ale. You guys dated for a long time. If it were me, I think I’d have to leave the job. A few years ago, a friend of mine dated a co-worker for 2-3 months. They moved fast, were exclusive girlfriend/boyfriend within a week(!) of their first date. He dumped her to get back together with his ex. My friend, her ex, and his on-again girlfriend all went to the same gym (it was somehow affiliated with their work), so she saw them together all the time and things got super dramatic/immature. I don’t condone the drama that she stirred up, but have more empathy now for how it must’ve felt to see him/them. Her ex left the job about six months later, and my friend left maybe six months after he did. So it stinks, but at least you’re handling it better than some people.

Also, I’m glad to hear that I’m not the only one who “hides” in these situations — I’m really hard on myself for doing that. Last Thursday, I walked home from my bus as usual and started debating if I go in through the front or back. I started feeling anxious, and told myself that I’m silly for it, silly for thinking he’ll *always* be in our courtyard when I am. Lo and behold, I got home and he was in the courtyard, back turned toward the street. So I kept walking and used the back. I was so frustrated with myself!

@hfantods I wouldn’t worry too much about it! It happens. I see people who don’t follow me viewing my stories and don’t think much of it unless it’s consistent. My ex’s wife’s behavior seemed really “off” mostly because I could tell she was visiting my page multiple times/day. It took her a few months to stop, and I speculate she only stopped because she learned that you can see who views your stories. She had a sloppy sleuthing moment in the past couple months and viewed another story, so I assume I’m still a regular stop on the crazy train. I don’t post particularly personal stuff on there, so if she’s still this curious about me, it’s weird, but she won’t see anything tremendously interesting.

This may not be helpful, and it sure is a little petty, but one of my friends taught me the very best revenge is looking good and being not at all concerned with them/totally happy if you see the ex. Fake it if you must. Not even to inspire any feelings on his side, but for your own confidence. Don’t spend time/energy concerning yourself for what he’s doing or where he is. Just walk right by. Reclaim your space.

He’s A LOSER. He crates his dog all day with no water and doesn’t have soap. Who cares! Just say hey if you see him, like who the fuck cares. “Hey,” like he’s anybody in your building. You don’t care.