DW Community Catch-up Thread
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I was going to say that girl socialization has more self-policing than boy socialization in my experience. Girls will ask “Do I smell bad” where as boys might ask “how bad do I smell”.
Still people are generally loathe to be impolite, I remember being at a summer camp-school with the son of close friends of my folks (sorry I know that was awkwardly written). The guy just smelled of BO. We weren’t close, but somehow I got the task of having to say “Jason, dude, you gotta start doing more laundry and using deodorant. You’re stinky.”
One surprising thing I’ve noticed, at least in our experience and in the early grades, it isn’t the boys who are bullies, it’s the girls! Unfortunately, Jackson was subject to some bullying this year, and the kids of fiends of mine have also been subject to it (at the same school) and 100% of the time, the bullies have been the girls. They are just much more aware of other kids’ vulnerabilities and differences. When boys at that age “misbehave”, is much more in a good-natured goofing off sense (i.e. class clowning) vs. being mean. Little girls, man – they can be cruel as fuck.
I teach sports to kids for my job but ok. I’m only making a point about how all this stuff about socialisation (good word LforL) creeps in despite our best efforts, jeez. Even drawing on my own experience apparently doesn’t count.
And I’m not surprised girls are mean, I’ve seen it too. We’re set up to compete from day one. Divide and conquer.
Im not discounting your experience, Ange. I don’t know what your experience with kids even is, which was why I asked. I think most people who have extensive experience with young children understand that while, sure, socialization plays a part in the way kids behave — which I think is more apparent, at least in terms of gender, as people reach adulthood and start living out the adult roles they saw modeled for them as kids — *biology* plays a huge role in kids’ behavior. I wouldn’t be so quick to discount *that* is my point. You are arguing that gendered stereotypes are based on how kids are raised, and as someone who is actively raising young children and observing lots and lots of other young children being raised, I’m arguing that you’d be surprised how early and how strong the gender stereotypes present themselves, even absent of sexist childrearing.
Obviously I don’t have kids, but I observe my “niece and nephew” aka my BFF’s kids. F (boy) is 4 and E (girl) is almost 3. When F was born they made an effort to embrace all toys and colors and fashions and didn’t have a gender reveal because they didn’t want to project anything on him. I bought him a play kitchen and he was obsessed with it and made tea for me whenever I would come over and he still loves to play “house” and cook for us. He also is obsessed with batman and firefighters. His sister, E, is the girliest girl I’ve ever seen. She watched Cinderella once and now everything has to include her Cinderella dress and pink and all things stereotypically girly. It’s interesting to watch because my friend has raised them both the same and they’ve just sort of conformed to those gender stereotypes without any pushing or input from her or her husband.
I have found, all of my life, that kids, regardless of gender or what they normally find fun for play, are obsessed with the little kitchens. They are always a hit. If you waste money on one toy, trust me that this one will be used constantly.
My grandfather used to be forced to have his beer out of the little cup (which I realize now was a shot at best) while I served them and put on performances.
Kids are so funny – there’s such a spectrum! We consciously try not to gender things at home (variety of toys, books, etc – I have even been wary of media with messages about “girls are just as strong as boys” because I feel like, that introduces the idea that someone might ever think otherwise! ha.) My kid has always had a variety of toys, and plays with plenty of toys considered more “boy” – trucks, sticks, dinosaurs, Batman – but she makes them into family members that have conversations with each other. Mommy pickup truck, Daddy taxi cab, Baby convertible. Brother and Sister dinosaur. And so on. It’s fascinating to watch.
I’d disagree that girls aren’t gross as teenagers whereas boys are innately inept at these things. I went through a phase in middle school where I was honestly kinda gross. It makes me cringe now, but for example I really hated brushing my teeth and my mom would have to force me to. I also had a girl friend who, for whatever reason and around the same age, hated showering and would lie to her mom about it. It had nothing to do with our respective parents’ standards, expectations, or parenting. By the time we were both in high school, we’d both grown out of it.
I am officially exhausted with desk shopping. I need to find a desk for my husband when he works from home, that won’t look ugly in my living room (we have this nook area I am putting his “office space” in, but apparently can hold at least 1 monitor if not 2 (which to me is ugly but whatever has to be that way) but isn’t some huge office desk. I of course and not trying to spend a fortune but regardless of price low or high I just cannot find anything I like. Grr….sometimes when there are too many options it just makes things harder.
I did find these stands that hold two monitors, you screw them into it in the back, so at least it will allow for a slightly smaller desk without taking up all the desktop space. Also can’t do anything wireless so it looks nice due to gov security with him job, all has to be corded.
I officially wish we had 1 more bedroom.
My youngest (who is 19 now – girl) went through a stage in early teen/pre-teen years where she would lie to me about brushing her teeth. Sometimes I would go and watch to make sure but she’s lucky she has good teeth because still no cavities for her. She also hated to shower for a while. So yeah, it’s both girls and boys that do gross weird things.
Our oldest (girl) couldn’t keep her room clean but we let that slide as long as no food was involved. We let it be her space (up to a point, which about once every 3 months we’d be like time to clean it up a bit).
