DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Bridal showers aren’t a thing in Australia. You might have an engagement party then your hens/bucks do and that’s it. A lot of people don’t necessarily have engagement parties either, we didn’t bother. We didn’t really do a bucks/hens either, we just had a joint night out with our friends. I made it pirate themed because I had conjunctivitis in one eye and I wanted an excuse to cover it up.
I don’t think that most Americans have engagement parties. I can only think of a handful of people I know who had one.
I’ve seen more and more engagement parties, showers and bachelor/bachelorette parties now. I understand showers but not engagement parties. I have thrown a could wedding showers for people at my crossfit gym who were getting married far away so the people here could celebrate. I think 5 people brought gifts. But we did things like sand volleyball and a trampoline park.
I’ve been invited to one engagement party. I’ve been invited to more wedding showers than I can count. My cousin, who had the engagement party, didn’t have a shower. She also hasn’t had a baby shower because she was put on bed rest pretty early on and then had her baby at 25/26 weeks. He’s still fighting! I haven’t bought anything for him yet, but will after they’re home. I have brought her and her husband food.
A bit off topic, just need to vent. I had my old manager from when I worked at a pizza place during University (4 years ago now), contact me out of the blue on FB last month. We are not friends on FB, and he sent a wave, so instead of it going to ‘message requests,’ It was on my main message page. So I saw it right away instead of missing it as one would.
We had a quick couple messages exchanging formalities. Then a week later he messaged me again and stated how he thought I was a stunner, and always wanted to let me know outside of our ‘professional’ relationship. Thanked him and asked why he was telling me this. He said no reason. Then he messaged me again, and apologized saying he was in a bad place mentally, was reminiscing (whatever that means) and apologized for being awkward. Told him fine, I am putting it behind me.
Lo and behold last night (he always messages me at the wee hours of the morning), he messaged me again and pulled an ‘I need a human connection, I am having a hard time right now.’ I am at my wits end. He made me feel so uncomfortable after his compliment to me and then the proceeding message. This is just annoying. I kindly told him that I can appreciate your struggles right now but I am not the person to go to for that. I am planning to block him after he responds and closes this conversation, or if he tries to keep it open I will just block. I would get anxious when I would see he was on FB messenger wondering if he was gonna message me again and what he was going to tell me next that would put me in this position of ‘a shoulder to lean on,’ with a person I barely know.
I never had a friendship with him while working there, never connected with him on FB after I left. It was strictly professional. We hadn’t even talked the entire 4 years I have been gone. So it is annoying that he is using me as a soundboard for his mental health conflicts. I heard of some of his struggles through my co workers, and he honestly wasn’t the greatest manager as he lashed out to several of the female employees while there, amongst other unprofessional things.
Vent done.
I’ve been invited to only a couple engagement parties. I’ve been to exactly one, for a cousin and his now-wife, but only because I happened to be in town when it was held. I would not have traveled for it. It so often seems like a gift grab to me. May have mentioned this, but I was invited to three destination weddings this year. First one, I just went to — the couple didn’t register or expect gifts. Eventually they opened up a honeymoon fund kinda deal because they got so many emails asking about gifts. The other two couples, judging by the evens they’ve had so far, really seem to expect gifts. And I’m just over here like, omg plz stop, this is too much.
Block. You should have blocked him as soon as he said that first thing, and not even responded. As soon as you respond to a comment like that in any way at all, you invite them to say more.
I agree with Kate, block him, stop engaging. You are not responsible for anyone else’s mental health, particularly someone you barely knew 4 years ago. And if he’s shown himself to be unprofessional anyway, you don’t want to be associated with that.
Ya I see that now after his most recent message that he has taken that as me ‘opening the door,’ which I most certainly had not intended or wanted. I was very curt in all my responses hoping he would take the hint I am not interested in long drawn out conversation. But he came back again last night.
You can’t just be curt. You just don’t reply.
I wouldn’t have accepted him on Messenger, given that you were never friends.
But literally after the *first* weird thing he said (you’re pretty or whatever), I’d stop all responses and probably block him. ANY response, even a curt one, keeps the door open for more.
Could I bring up a money discussion again? While the immediate “problem” has (I don’t think there’s a problem) been resolved there’s something nagging at me.
My bf comes back today! We wanted to go out for a la carte sushi since he’s been craving it. In my mind this was just a night out although celebrating that he was back. I offered to make a reservation. The restaurant has a pricy “chef’s choice” that requires a reservation in particular. In my head I was actually like hahaha we’ve never spent that much on dinner. Last night on video call I was just confirming the plans. I said “of course we are not getting the chef’s choice hahaha” and then he said he was hoping to celebrate his bonus and treat me.
My immediate response (on video call ugh) wasn’t exactly gracious. I think I was surprised and maybe embarrassed. I was confused. Generally I don’t like to feel unequal. Also if he weren’t treating I wouldn’t feel comfortable spending that much and that also made me feel bad. Also I sort of forgot about his bonus which he mentioned in a call a couple weeks ago.
We talked and it’s all good. We are going to do it and we are excited.
But I guess the money thing… deep down I think he should save more of it. We do have different spending habits. He will go to the more upscale grocery store (not Whole Foods but the non discount one) and doesn’t really look for deals. I am the reverse. But! I don’t know how much he makes and of course it is his money. He gets certain points at the grocery store too so it works for him?
I have brought up that for me I make sure to pay off my credit card every month and he agreed.
I guess just if and when we move in, how will we handle this? I don’t think this is insurmountable for us but would require some conversation. I am curious how you have handled different spending habits?
