DW Community Catch-up Thread
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They way I did invites, all online, I wasn’t able to say “one guest for this event, no guest for that event.” If I could have – I wouldn’t have given her a +1 for the rehearsal. We’re doing rehearsal and then dinner after.
She’s been seeing the guy she’s bringing off and on for the past few months, along with several other guys. I didn’t think she was directly in a relationship with any of them, based on conversations. I hadn’t really planned on extending out a +1 to her because she threw a list of names of people she wanted to bring with her +1 just up until last week. It’s was like “I’m going to bring Sally if Jonathan says no. But I also might ask Travis, and then Bob is usually free.” I decided I’d have less of stress with her if she has a date rather than her crying to me at the wedding about how she’s single. Which is exactly what would happen.
All my best wedding stories were when I went single to weddings!
Things I have thus had confirmed that might be swaying me a bit – she was upset she isn’t MOH, other people are confused why they weren’t part of the wedding party, and are upset about it and some people who didn’t get invited to the wedding are all throwing shade at me.
This is why I wanted to elope.
I think it’s a bit odd when people bring dates that aren’t real dates to weddings. Like a high school friend of mine lined up a date — a male friend — to go to a mutual high school friend’s wedding. He canceled fairly last minute, like a week out. So she invited me. I don’t keep in touch with the bride and wasn’t invited on my own, so I thought it was weird to ask me. And weird to ask a friend (both her original date and me) to go with her. Who are these people who can’t make it on their own for one evening and absolutely NEED a date, even if it’s a fake date?
I will preface this by saying I have no problem going out to eat alone or to many weddings or parties alone (though it can be rough if you only know like ONE person, even though I’m chatty). And definitely I’d be thinking about who i could meet at a wedding if i were single. That said, a lot of people aren’t comfortable socializing alone or they have whatever issues they have that make them feel they need to show up with a date. For some reason, they want to be with someone or look like they’re with someone. Who knows why, but they need that security. I think a lot of people get that maybe the groom’s family is footing the bill for the rehearsal dinner so it’s potentially a different budget than the wedding they got a +1 to, or they don’t want to subject a date to a boring event like that, but again, some people are anxious or insecure or oblivious. We all have some kind of issue or blind spot.
There’s this guy who is a friend of a friend that has always liked me. We got together a couple weeks ago at a mutual friend’s party and talked a lot and I found out that he wasn’t what I thought he was, I mean, I didn’t really like him at first because I thought he was shallow and selfish, but turns out he’s not and we had a nice time. Anyways, we went to grab coffee a couple days later and ended up hooking up. It was great but I’m still not sure if I like him or not. I feel very comfortable around him and he is funny and witty and smart though a bit intense because he is already talking about a relationship (keep in mind that I have known him for about five years but we never talked as much). I went out of the country for a couple weeks and now he wants to meet again but I’m not sure if I like him, especially in the looks department. Has this happened to you? What did you do?
Sorry to hijack the thread from the wedding invites.
@ale You’re not hijacking! I’d want him to slow his roll with the relationship talk, but if his looks are the only thing stopping you, I’d go out with him again. I can name plenty of guys whose looks didn’t exactly impress me at first, but to whom I found myself very attracted when I got to know them better. And since you’ve already hooked up, it sounds like you know there is sexual chemistry, right? Looks aren’t everything, and if you’re looking for a long-term partner, well, age is coming for all of us eventually…
I do like his face, his hair and his smile. When we hooked up he was reaaaally insecure about his body and now I wonder if maybe that is why I’m feeling this way, because looks have never been that important to me.
Yeah, I can see why that would be a turn off. It sounds like you do find him attractive and otherwise had a good time with him, so I’d go out with him again. Maybe take sex off the table for now. I’d also address whatever he’s said about wanting a relationship to shut down any premature talks of exclusivity (this would prob scare me off sooner than body image issues).
Doesn’t sound too promising… the insecurity, the relationship talk. Yuck. You could give it another shot if you really feel torn.
Sounds great on paper. Great guy who is smart, funny, awesome job, etc. He is 36 years old and I can’t believe that a 36yo dude doesn’t have his shit together and makes mistakes like those.
I mean…*shrug* I might cut him a little slack. I am 36 and I am definitely insecure about my body in many ways. Now, I don’t share that in the bedroom with the guy I’m dating because I figure he can see me and he wants to be there so we’re both going to enjoy ourselves. But I can definitely see if I’d had a crush on someone for a long time and/or I wasn’t as experienced dating/in the bedroom I might be even more insecure. I say – you had a fun time and you even hooked up; what’s one more date?
If he’s making you uncomfortable with the relationship talk right away (which I agree is more of a turn-off than body insecurity) I would tell him that you want to take it slow and put that boundary up, and see if he accepts it. At 36, he *should* be able to hear that and respect your wishes and also be fine with taking it slow. Just my two cents.
