DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Good Lord. I swear nobody in here can fucking read lately.
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READING COMPREHENSION FLASH: The sister NEVER demanded or even asked them to delay their engagement. The brother just did so. The sister damn well may not even know this ever happened. She is also not saying she wants a whole damn year for her wedding. She is saying that two months before is awfully close to her wedding.
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NEWSFLASH: It fucking is.I was the one who said that some brides want the whole year – but I did not say this particular bride asked or pouted or got all crazed up over it. So I’m the one who made the general comment – I’m not saying it’s right or wrong.
8 weeks is … close. If the family is spread out like mine is, it would be a bit challenging to go to two weddings in two months, especially since one is a destination to Disney World.
Look – if you want to make this possible and hold out your hand to your SIL and your family – why not plan the bridal shower for the same weekend as your wedding? You picked a specific date because it was meaningful, not to hog some proverbial spotlight.
Use it as an olive branch. You could do a nice tea the day before (or the day after the wedding) and all of the out of town relatives who came to your wedding would get a one – two punch. It would be especially nice if they don’t want to go to Disney World but still want to take part in something wedding related for that couple.
My post was more in response to Saneinca who implied this SIL was demanding as much when there is zero evidence she is.
Saneinca’s advice on this thread has been bonkers. “Make a feminist statement. Tell the sister to change her date. Brunch weddings are more fun than night weddings.”
Much of the advice in this thread has been pretty bonkers. But deliberately fucking your future SIL over to make some grand feminist statement? That completely eludes me.
Not to completely derail here @Veritek, but Madison’s restaurant came up in conversation last night because RadioStars parent’s will be celebrating their 50th anniversary there with their siblings. So there’s a funny haha for ya.
Anyway, to summarize:
-Get married sooner rather than later
-have MOV clear a date with his family
-get on that baby-making trainFor what it’s worth, I don’t think anyone is truly in the wrong here. A lot of brides would not have minded Veritek’s wedding happening 8 weeks prior to their own, especially with very different weddings and limited guest-overlap. Plus, I do believe Veritek had no ill intentions and was only seeking to honor her grandparents.
That being said, while a lot of brides wouldn’t mind, a lot, including SIL, understandably would. Even if she gave clearance beforehand, she might have realized it bothered her more than she thought it would and simply changed her mind. It doesn’t (necessarily) make her a bridezilla.
If it were me, Veritek, I would change the date (I especially like the fall suggestion), not because you’re wrong, because you’re not, but because neither is she, and is it really worth the potential fallout? Have a beautiful autumn brunch wedding, find another way to honor your grandparents, and just keep the family peace.
They did clear the date with the SIL. She said it was fine but then changed her mind after they got officially engaged. I guess I just don’t understand how marking one day on your calendar two months before your wedding could possibly be SO stressful. At least call it what it is- you wouldn’t want a sibling upstaging your wedding by doing it first. In the grand scheme of things this is all falls down to two days in their lives. I get being annoyed. But if this is really gonna determine the relationship with your in-laws for life, I guess you got bigger problems than choosing a wedding date.
But for the parents of the SIL and fiancé, it’s not just a date 8 weeks apart. It’s a big deal for both of their children and, like it or not, weddings are stressful.
Deep breath. Okay, I really didn’t realize how controversial it was, honestly.
I’ve appreciate the feedback because I truly was naïve about how this would be perceived. I’m glad you all told me how thoughtless I was being, truly. I’ll admit when I’m wrong.
The resolution is that I talked with his sister today and we both apologized. I explained why we chose the date we did and offered to move the wedding to a Friday this November. She admitted that it did seem like we were competing to have our wedding first and that hurt her feelings, but after explaining my grandparent’s anniversary was the original day she realized that wasn’t my intention. (My fiancée apparently didn’t communicate the reason for the date very well to her.) She apologized for, in her words, being a brat, and having the reaction she did. I apologized for putting her in an uncomfortable position and being clueless/thoughtless about this. I offered to throw her a wedding shower as a peace offering and she was very excited about that.
So basically she has given us her blessing to proceed with the date in March or with the date in November. I’ve reached out to the venue that’s hosting my totally lame brunch wedding to see if the dates in November are available if we decide to go that route.
And it’s at a winery so there will be booze. Lots of it.
Yay! I’m so glad this seems to be resolved. If only other people harnessed the power of open and honest communication (but then Wendy would have a LOT fewer letters). I’m glad you could both apologize and find common ground (though I think you’re being a little hard on yourself).
And my (hypothetical) wedding will be at a winery too! Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your boozy brunch wedding.
