DW Community Catch-up Thread
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So I got ambushed last night at dinner with my fiancées family and his sister is now reversing position and rescinded her blessing on us getting married before her and now claims she only said it was okay because she had to. She said I’m overshadowing her entire engagement (because we got engaged 6 months after her) and we are overshadowing her wedding and I’m ruining everything and basically I’m a horrible person. So anything short of us getting married at a courthouse long after her is not going to make her happy.
So if anyone has any destination wedding ideas that only involve the bride and groom and a big ass bottle of wine and zero family involvement, I’m open to suggestions.
Same thing I was wondering, anonymousse!
So what was the outcome of the conversation? Have you already put down deposits etc for that date?
Wow. Color me not surprised. Agree with anon, what does fiance think?
MaterialGirl’s San Francisco wedding sounded lovely. The Cultural Center in Chicago does something I think once a month if you can get in. It’s BEAUTIFUL. I looked into it for our wedding. Lots of people do the New York thing too.
You do realize though that even if you elope, you will be upstaging her in her mind. You’re in a no win situation unless you get married a year or two after her. And even then there is no guarantee that you aren’t ruining another one of her life events, like pregnancy or something.
Fiancé was stunned, as was I. He is not good at standing up to her so I had to defend myself. (We had a long conversation on the ride home about how that was not okay either and he has to stand up for himself and for me if we are going to be a family.)
I was trying not to cry in front of his family and she just stared me down and refused to back down so that is all I need to know about her as a person. Even if we got married and had a tiny wedding this fall, she would not be okay with it. So it’s a lose/lose situation.
Yes I put down the deposit on the venue and the florist so if we cancel I’d be out about $1,ooo, which in the grand scheme of things is a drop in the bucket if we can just get married and not deal with her by running away. And it would take wild horses to get me to go to her wedding after this.
Honestly? Fly to Bali and get married there. No wedding can match the beauty of Bali. Or Santorini, Greece.
PS. For a low fee, you can fly me to her wedding where I will LIUDLY stand up in the ceremony and scream out that her fiancé has been fucking me for years and cause a HUGE scene. This will be more believable if you steal me some if his boxers first. ?
At this point, my suggestion (not that you asked) is to do what you want and tune her out. But do NOT skip her wedding. Show up and be the bigger person.
Also, have you considered counseling? This is a huge stressor on top of a huge stressor (your wedding) and it would behoove you to get some mediation to help navigate this together. You are saying “I” and “me” a lot, which may just be the way you’re typing, but if you start feeling like you’re not on the same side, it will be detrimental in the long run.
Oh BGM I will get a third job if it means buying you a plane ticket to do just that. You’ve made my morning. <3 (And my dream would be getting married in Greece just the two of us)
And yes, Lianne, we discussed pre-marital counseling yesterday before all of this happened anyway (because you’re right it’s a good thing and we need to do it). We both want to do it. He has such a complicated relationship with his family and he was so upset last night at what happened but when it came time to stand up for us, he just froze. And so I felt like I had to be the one to defend both of us, which makes me look like the bad guy all over again.
