DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Totally unsurprising. It seemed a little too nice and wrapped up in a bow before, sometimes you just know who a person is. I’m glad you’re thinking about couples/pre-marital counseling – this isn’t going to be the last time his family gets in your relationship.
As for the wedding, I would say plan what you want and don’t tell the parents/sister until after it’s all over. Want to get married in Greece just the two of you? Do that! If you want to stay on the brunch wedding, the guest list overlap is small, so I think that should be on the table if it’s what you want.
I think at this point, HE needs to talk to his parents without the sister present. How do they feel about all this? Are they taking his sisters “side”? What’s their deal?
I agree with Lianne in that I’d definitely be the bigger person and still go to her wedding. Assuming your fiance wants a relationship with his parents, that would be completely squelched if you don’t go.
I hope you’ll try to get pregnant in time to announce it at her wedding reception (which you should definitely go to).
His parents actually walked us out to the car as we were leaving and apologized to me and said I’m always welcome and how happy I make their son and that “a certain amount of drama just follows his sister around and that everything will blow over.” They are bullied by her too.
They want us to proceed with our original plans, but after the way she spoke to me and looked at me last night, nothing is going to blow over unless she gets exactly what she wants.
I am also curious what the parents’ reaction is (were they there last night)? Premarital counseling seems like a great place to talk about what your boundaries will be with both families. In this situation, I’d go with “We love you and are sorry you feel that way, but these are our plans, and we would be honored to have your support.” Then just go forward planning the wedding you want to have, maybe just don’t be super gushy about it to her (it doesn’t sound like you are anyway). Be gracious – invite her to your wedding, and attend her wedding – high road all the way. You now know that you are dealing with a person who will not be acting rationally in this situation, so there’s no point in trying to reason with her.
Just saw your update about the parents – proceed as though your future SIL is a person of marginal consequence to your life. Plan your wedding. If she throws a fit, let her. Screen your calls, don’t respond to nasty texts. If she doesn’t show up? You’re so sorry she couldn’t make it. She disinvites you to her wedding? You will be sorry to miss it, and wish her all the best. She cannot actually stop you from getting married.
@Vathena I actually had zero plans to talk about wedding yesterday and I was dreading anyone bringing it up because I wanted to avoid talking about it in front of her because I knew deep down this would happen – but my future FIL started asking all sorts of questions. I tried to turn it around and ask her about her dress, details etc. And then she got mad that I already have a dress too. There’s no winning in this situation.
I wouldn’t change your plans. Fuck it. Maybe you should do the courthouse first? Take the IUD out ASAP. Don’t let the terrorists win.
*ETA actually, maybe you shouldn’t rush to get pregnant if your fiancé can’t unfreeze himself and stand up for you. Counseling, stat.
Ugh. Well, she’s obviously cray. I really think boundaries and distance will be your friends here. Maybe a mantra about how you are all outta f*cks to give about her opinion of how you should schedule your life events.
