DW Community Catch-up Thread
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So last night I decided to end things with my BF of 2 years. There were things that I had brought up over the last 6-8 months that hadn’t really been resolved (we worked on it, but it just didn’t work) and I ultimately became unhappy and ended up realizing they were things that couldn’t be fixed by him as it was something that was just who he was.
I am so fucking sad. I was so sure he was the one, and slowly as the second year progressed things became more apparent and even after addressing them with him to try and remedy them, he admitted last night that he dropped the ball and didn’t hold up his promises. We moved to a new city this month, me for school, him for work. And we moved in together. So barely a month in and I have to move again.
I am hoping to find a place by end of the month, so I am just staying in our apartment till then. But it is hard. I know things won’t be the same while we temporarily live together till I move out, but it feels like I am living with a stranger. After 3 weeks of living together and making it our place, to this where it is so strained and he barely is talking to me or acknowledging me, it sucks.
That sounds very stressful. My sympathies!
But how good to know and accept that it isn’t working so quickly. I know far too many people that waste far too much time trying to salvage the unsalvageable.
Cleo I’m so sorry. But I’m so proud of you for making the choice you had to and being an adult about it rather than trying to eek out another year or force something that wasn’t working.
It’s okay to be sad. You’re gonna be sad for a while. And then things are going to get better each day and you’ll be less sad. And I’m excited for that day for you. The day when you see it’s all worth it.
Please take good care of yourself and do some pampering. Remember to eat. Drink some water. Rest. Take care of you. Best of luck on your housing search <3
Oof. Yeah. I’m so sorry! It’s hard enough to grieve and start moving on when you have to see your ex regularly, but to have to stick it out living together a few more weeks until you can move out must be really difficult.
But I agree with others that it’s great that you did what was right for you, even though it’s painful. Several years ago, after ending an LTR, I cried to an older coworker about how much it hurt and sucked, and how it felt abrupt. And she told me that it was actually a good thing. I was able to recognize, relatively fast, that something not-fixable wasn’t working for me, and I didn’t try to force something that wasn’t trying to force something that wasn’t working anymore. Same wisdom applies here, I think!
Anyway, take good care of yourself! I hope you are meeting fun, new people through school who can help keep your mind off things.
Dating question. I took a bit of a break and focused on life and had a fwb. Now fwb is moving and i figure it’s time to get back in the game and find a relationship with a future (which i want). I know that when dating via apps you don’t want to text forever and then meet, that you want to meet pretty early on. My question is, what questions are you asking via text to make sure this date is worth your time?
I feel like i waste time with the polite pleasantries (how was your day/weekend etc.) and have ended up on a dates not worth my time. Ex: with a man who was recently separated with 5 children which was a waste of my time, as if this had been listed i wouldn’t have gone out with him.
I’m sorry Cleo. The whole thing sucks. I find it very relieving to “feel” everything and be sad willingy during times like these. People try too fast to be “fine”. So, be sad and cry and it will all get better eventually. You’re very brave for making this decision. I hope you have a good support group and if not, there’s always this community. When I broke up and posted it here, a lot of messages were super helpful and I read them a million times and kept coming back.
Curly; I don’t think you can tell if a date will be a waste of time or not from a couple questions. You just have to go for it. I’ve had really boring dates with people that sounded fun in texts. And funny dates with a couple guys that I went out with not expecting anything because they were kind of lame on texts. I think that’s the clue: not having expectations at all.
I appreciate all the support. It is hard being in a new city where I haven’t quite established friends here yet and a stronger support group. I talked to my mom yesterday and have been relaying stuff and events to my BFF as well.
I am hoping to be out of here by end of the week, or sooner if my schedule allows it. It is tough when I can’t have the mental space and physical space to move on. I do regret a bit not waiting till I had a place secured, but I felt mentally I wouldn’t have been able to go for a week or more “pretending” with him that things were okay.
Anyways, I am keeping busy with work and school, and still maintaining my regular day to day things to keep me organized and sane.
I am so sorry Cleo, but good for you for realizing that you weren’t compatible. I went through something fairly similar last year, I was so sure he was the one (and he was so sure I was the one), but eventually we realized our personalities and who we were as people weren’t compatible in the long run. It also happened just before the 2 year mark, and was probably one of the hardest breakups I had.
Hang in there!!
@CurlyCue I think it’s impossible to end up in a situation where you’ve weeded out all the duds prior to meeting simply by asking the “right” questions. The man you mentioned with the five kids may have been waiting to tell his dates hoping that if the connection felt strong enough IRL, it wouldn’t be a dealbreaker like it might be at the swiping stage. You can put your major dealbreakers in your profile, though it’d be up to potential dates to read that and opt out if they don’t disclose said dealbreaker in their own profile. Otherwise, keep first date activities short. That way if you do end up on a date with someone who isn’t the right match off the bat, you’re only spending an hour or so on drinks or coffee.
Just saw this now, I am so sorry Cleo to hear that. You made a tough but what seems right for you decision. I hope your new apartment search goes well. Agreed to focusing on school and making new friends that way. *hugs*
I’m very sorry for this loss, Cleo. You are very brave for calling it now rather than continuing to delay it.
