DW Community Catch-up Thread
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To be honest, we do hug. We both wear masks and we don’t kiss or touch faces. If I couldn’t hug him I would lose my mind. We hug for a long long time like 15 year old Christians, lol. I would be ok with more physical contact because I feel like it’s a risk I’m willing to take with him, but he is absolutely NOT ok with it. He made sure I got an absentee ballot because he doesn’t want me physically going to vote. I had my friends over the other night and he arranged everything: fans on, masks, all of us sitting far apart. He is a huge caretaker and this is bringing out all of his instincts because he wants to protect me from it. I really, really appreciate and love him for it, but I just want us to go back to normal already.
@Cleo, that sucks so much, I’m sorry. Maybe he is genuinely really busy? I only say that because he did warn you and didn’t just randomly drop off the face of the earth/ghost you.
@Copa, I’m sorry about that with your dad. Ugh. I’m glad at least your sister is supportive!
@Copa, From what your dad said, it sounds like he’s questioning your judgement. Which does not feel good! Like, of course our parents should feel like we can make sound life decisions! Right? On the other hand, it’s possible it came out like that but he may have meant some thing along the lines of, is this what you really want? As in, this is your decision, the bf isn’t dictating this? I could see a parent asking that. Or maybe I can see my parents asking that, haha. Only you know your dad, though. I think it’s more important that you feel it is the right decision for you and pretty much everyone else important to you is supportive.
@Kate, yeah, we have talked about that and it’s a possibility, but the biggest problem is that he works outside his house in several different contract jobs that keeps him out in public and sometimes in other people’s homes. He’s also just SO afraid of giving it to me that he’s afraid of going to Wal-Mart, getting coughed on, and bringing it to my house. Long story short, he very tragically lost his sister at age 11 (she was 12) to a very fast disease, so this is his worst nightmare. He is SO protective and SUCH a caretaker, and a lot of it is definitely from that.
We continue to have conversations about what the tipping point will be when he feels comfortable again for us to behave more “normally,” and it keeps evolving with the data that comes out, etc. Thank goodness for open communication. I’m just hoping we’ll be able to put this time behind us sooner rather than later, because I’m the one struggling more with being physically apart than he is. He deems it absolutely necessary for my life, and I would be OK taking the risk as long as he wasn’t feeling sick or had been around anyone who was sick – but he won’t.
Stupid COVID. 🙁
@Copa – it sucks your dad is bad with communicating and let you feel that way. The good part is, he really doesn’t know your relationship. Everything you’ve shared here leads me to believe you have done your due diligence and your relationship seems fairly solid so you have to do what you feel is right. Doesn’t mean it can’t hurt and bother you when your family isn’t more supportive.
@Cleo – I am not traveling again for a long time lol. I’m going to quit trying to have honeymoons and weddings because it’s not working out well. Found out yesterday that my matron of honor may not be able to attend the outdoor, 80 person rescheduled reception in late fall because her employer is mandating their students and employees not be in gatherings of more than 20 people. (Which is a smidge hypocritical because she works for a university that is allowing football practices and games right now and the last time I checked football teams and staff have more than 20 people on them.
So, if she can’t attend I’m cancelling the whole thing. The point was to be able to celebrate with our friends and family and we can’t do that, I’m done trying to plan weddings.
@hfantods my brother is also compromised, for the same reason (Crohns). He has generally been able to to isolate because he lives out of town from the rest of the family in Ontario, but still works for my mom who has a gardening business. Figures, if he works that is the best job as it is outside and you can distance much better compared to retail or food services.
Also, he managed to get disability pay from the government because he can’t work normal jobs at the same capacity, and as a student it applies as well. So bonus!
@TheLadyE, he is busy during the week and is stressed right now. So I totally empathize and understand that component. He told me he wouldn’t be available in the evenings during the week for 6 weeks due to the job, not that he wouldn’t take initiative to communicate with me, and not keep me updated on his availability. Which is also where I am conflicted, how much of his behavior do I cast off for him being busy/stressed and the other being generally non engaging as a date?
I am primarily leading discussions and messages, he hasn’t asked how I am doing or what I am up to. He will respond in a timely manner when I do text, so he isn’t gone all day and then responding only in the AM or PM. I am also the one asking about his availability and not him telling me what his availability is or isn’t during the week (so if I don’t ask, he won’t tell me otherwise?). I am taking the lead on everything the last 3 weeks, which makes me feel like he isn’t interested in engaging, and expects me to just wait around till he is done these 6 weeks and be okay with little to no engagement or dates?
@veritek33 understandable, with how things are going since the US brought school sessions back, and even how Canada is coping with the slow uptick in cases with us 20-40 somethings, i think a lot of things will continue to be postponed.
Ugh, as you said, best to not try and plan as a means to avoid disappointment!
@cleo, can you try just not initiating at all for a few days? It’d one thing to say you’re not going to be very free for 6 weeks, but it sounds like there’s differences in what that looks like to each of you.
since you’re halfway through it, maybe shoot him an email saying.. hey this hasn’t worked well the last 3 weeks.. my understanding of the situation was XX, but I don’t want to continue pulling teeth here. It would be better if you could tell me what you had in mind, rather than spend another 3 weeks frustrated
@MaterialsGirl, that is exactly what I am planning at the moment. If I don’t hear back from him by Thursday evening I am going to message and explain.
I guess I am second guessing myself as well as I don’t want to be a dick and sound like I am expecting too much despite his work situation and typical dating etiquette. I like your wording though in how he may have a different mindset of how the 6 weeks would proceed, versus me.
I think my dad’s side of the family — his many sister’s, their spouses, my cousins — will be excited for me. I haven’t told any of them yet, waiting until we’re officially in the new place together. Might send a cheesy picture of us by the SOLD sign to my family group chat next month, haha.
In apartment lease takeover news, the guy with many questions who toured my apartment yesterday is interested in applying and I’m feeling relieved! Still going to show the place to someone else tomorrow and one of last weekend’s flakes reached out again to schedule another time to see the place, but feeling cautiously optimistic right now.
@Cleo I’m sorry, that sounds very frustrating. I can appreciate that people can get busy with work — been there! — but no availability at ALL for six weeks seems a bit odd? I’d be frustrated.
@veritek Could you guys postpone until 2021? I think fall is going to be weird and even if your friend’s job had different rules, there may still be a lot of people uncomfortable going to that kind of event this fall.
One of my friends booked a trip to Japan for April 2021 and I admire her confidence that travel will be an option by then. I’m not as sure. I lived there during middle and high school and wanted to go this fall with BG to show him one of the places I grew up and whatnot, but obviously that’s not happening now. I’ve wondered myself if spring would work but I don’t feel sure about that at the moment.
@Veritek, my 2 cents is that even if you get to the point where you’re 100 percent comfortable on the safety side of it, things are just changing too quickly and unpredictably to plan an event with any kind of comfort. We could go into shelter in place, venues could be shut down, employers could do travel bans, changing conditions could make people feel unsafe coming. Just take a mulligan on the next year and try to survive it as well as possible.
@copa I can see a plausible scenario where travel to Japan becomes feasible by April, but I wouldn’t bet on it.
