DW Community Catch-up Thread
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Aw dammit Kare. That makes me pissed on your behalf. Take care kid.
Is it weird to ask for advice in the general category? Like, people who have done the long distance thing where you only see each other once or twice a month – what would be considered a good amount of communication? Like, Tinder teacher and I still text everyday, but it’s gotten kinda minimal – very short convo, because I think it’s just easier to talk in person. Does that make sense? Like, what does everyone think a “normal” amount of talking is? Is there a normal? Just curious
@veritek33: I can’t really comment on what would be normal in the early stages of dating. My boyfriend and I are long distance and we usually talk 10-20 minutes on the phone per day, with some longer skype sessions once to twice a week. Practically no texting at all. We see each other in person every 2-3 weeks.
For the “getting to know each other” stage, maybe more frequent visits would be better than texting more? If it’s at all possible that is.
@saslinna thanks! Right now more frequent visits are just hard. I’m a photographer so my weekends are filling with fall photo sessions and he’s a band director so they have football games/parades/marching competitions nearly every weekend until middle of November. I’m hoping after I visit on Nov 7 the visits can be more frequent.
Ver, for what it’s worth, I don’t think there is a normal. It’s whatever works for you and your relationship. For me and long distance, I think I’d prefer talking (not texting) on the phone at least most evenings for a few minutes, but that’s a preference.
Me and the guy have been spending most nights together, but when we don’t, we send a few texts and always a good night.
I know my friend who recently married… she was long distance for a while. She wanted daily contact and a phone conversation. She wasn’t getting it because the guy wasn’t into talking. They had a few discussions about it and finally they had a norm. So, if something isn’t working for you, speak up and figure out what does.
Yeah, I can see how more frequent visits would be difficult.
I personally wouldn’t worry about texting frequency. (I’m not a huge texter though, so easy for me to say.) I would say it’s more important that you manage to connect in some way, whatever the medium you use to do so. Could be skyping, could be talking on the phone. Or if texting is a really good way of connecting, then that, but I’d still think that the quality of texting is more important than the frequency.
I’m kinda okay with what’s happening now. I just noticed a bit of a decrease in frequency, and I think part of it is some of the newness has just worn off a bit. (We started talking at the end of June, so we’ve been communicating for three plus months even though we’ve only been dating since mid August.)
We’ve talked on the phone twice, sorta had phone dates. I like those so I might suggest another one. I just always worry that I’m coming on strong or doing too much so I try to sit back and see if he’ll initiate the texting. If that makes sense?
@ktfran: Communicating when you’re long distance can be pretty tricky. For example, my boyfriend’s tendency when talking on the phone is to give me a brief report of his day and then run out of things to say. It seems difficult for him to get into a more in-depth conversation when we’re not face to face. So we mostly just use the phone talks to tell each other about our days and catch up (and to hear each other’s voices), and we leave the longer conversations for when we’re together, which is luckily fairly often.
Oh, I think that’s what I’d prefer if I were in an LD Sas, the day update/hear one another’s voice. I could’t do a long, in-depth conversation nightly. Maybe once a week, but not nightly.
Ver – don’t worry about coming on too strong. I think it’s important to stay connected somehow, as Sas mentioned, when it’s long distance. Especially since it’s new.
I don’t think there’s a normal either. At this point I think the best thing you can do is just chill and relax and wait until things calm down and really just see what happens.
The way I see it, you’ve seen each other 4x. I count that as 4 dates. You’re spending 24 hours together, but a lot of that is sex and sleeping, and it’s really not uncommon to have a 24-hour date when you’re having sex with someone… Saturday afternoon/evening through Sunday brunch. You’ve agreed not to see other people, but it might be premature to consider that he’s your boyfriend at this point or that you’re truly in a long-distance “relationship.” Maybe getting a little ahead of it, you know?
He may be totally ok with how things are right now, a monthly get-together for food and sex, like a casual dating thing. He may not be stressing about the future of your relationship. I don’t know, I’m not in his head, but that’s pretty possible. The fact is, that’s what this is right now… a once a month dating thing. I mean, it is, right? Sometimes twice a month if things aren’t too busy? It shows potential, but I think you have to wait a bit and see what happens. Trying to push for more at this point when you’re both so busy isn’t going to yield any fruit.
I don’t mean that to sound pessimistic! Like I said I think it shows potential. But you don’t need to do anything more right now than you’re already doing. Just relax and see where it goes.
I have to agree with what others have said, Ver. Even though it’s been a few months, it’s only been a handful of dates. I know you really want a relationship and you really like TT, but I think it’s best if you enjoy what you’ve got going on and see what happens. Once you both slow down in terms of the busyness of your lives, that will be a good time to see if the frequency of visits increase etc. In the meantime, I think it’s important to stay connected, be that via text or phone dates. I don’t think texting at least once a day and a phone date at least once a week is too much.
